DaveGaga 131 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Hey Guys, I'm back on here, I was so busy with school and other things. But in the last few month I wrote some song and I really don't know what to think about it because I have no single person who can help me with this. So I have a question for you would you please give me some feedback or some tips and tricks on how to become better. I know I'm not an native English speaker so it makes it even more difficult to write the things I have on my mind. this one is called 'Not made for loving' Spoiler Verse 1: So let me know, I wait Told me to stay girl I’ve never knew love Just like I had you Maybe I wasn’t made For letting someone in Because my deepest sins Aren’t made for lovin’ chorus So you want me know, but do you know me Isn’t it just desire that made me Fall in love for the first time Never felt the connection because I didn’t even tried I’ve sad down for many years Waited for the love It wasn’t what i thought May I not be made for loving darling Verse 2: It was just to much If you asked me I said I’ve had enough Not just because of you There was no point of turning back But baby i said i didn’t knew How it would felt because I’ve never knew how to love You Chorus: So you want me know, but do you know me Isn’t it just desire that made me Fall in love for the first time Never felt the connection because I didn’t even tried I’ve sad down for many years Waited for the love It wasn’t what i thought May I not be made for loving darling Bridge: Maybe it was to much Maybe you’ve had enough May it be my fault that I made you feel that way But baby trust me I never knew it would go this way. Outro: Wan’t made for you Wasn’t told to do But my feelings hurt me While I became loving you But loving isn’t for me I will never be The one that you wan’t me to be this is the last one I've written it's called 'I miss you' Spoiler Verse 1: Why do you let me do this on my own I’m so alone Without you here Its so quiet Without you by my side I need you Without you I’m not alive Pre chorus: Don’t let me go It’s not fair I’m walking alone Afraid of myself Do you still care It’s sad to say But I’m missing you Chorus: I miss you everyday I miss you every time I look at myself And think about The time when you We’re mine I miss you I miss you I miss you Verse 2: Is it because I was to much Is it because We weren’t in love I loved you With all my life I would fight Till it’s over Till I’m gone Till the world Is done Pre chorus: Don’t let me go It’s not fair I’m walking alone Afraid of myself Do you still care It’s sad to say But I’m missing you Chorus: I miss you everyday I miss you every time I look at myself And think about The time when you We’re mine I miss you I miss you I miss you Bridge: I loved you with my life I’m so lost without you My life not completed Without you by my side You told me it was over I can’t believe it Please hold me closer Outro: I’m so done It’s not worth living When you are gone Darling I hoped we could Stay, one more day I miss you Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailor 3,321 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 It's kind of edgy, tbh. Especially the second one. I mean, it's hard to tell without hearing an actual song to go with the lyrics, but the lyrics aren't doing much for me. I think part of the problem with songwriters is that they write from the point of view from themselves. Try writing about a character, like a story. bannedT for life and it's SAD Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveGaga 131 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 35 minutes ago, Sailor said: It's kind of edgy, tbh. Especially the second one. I mean, it's hard to tell without hearing an actual song to go with the lyrics, but the lyrics aren't doing much for me. I think part of the problem with songwriters is that they write from the point of view from themselves. Try writing about a character, like a story. Thanks I appreciate you're response! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HauntingHollow 4,310 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 some grammar issues/typos, but generally okey, i wanna know what did you aim for with these two ? did you try to be artistic or rather simplistic, or ? You can not hide if nobody pays attention to you :* Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloody g 31,731 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I have to say that this goes way deeper than anything in the top 40 right now, so props to you 『𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝』 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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