CEREMONY | Rate. On. Me: The Chromatica 5 Rate

[Cruelty 6,172]

10 STUPID LOVE – average 6.77

11 x 2 [ @leedeegaga @Romkance]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 6 [ @n1kos @ManMan @ChvVolk @50 Ft Queenie @Ayoherewego @TheSine]

January 2020. Fresh off the box-office success of the Middle America behemoth A Star is Born & its accompanying smash hit “Shallow”, Lady Gaga is on the top of the world. Las Vegas concert tickets are flying off the shelves, Gaga’s online presence is expanding at a rate of knots, & there are whispers that a long-awaited ‘return to the dancefloor’ is just around the corner… All the odds are in her favour.

But then.

 

Did you know that ‘Stupid Love’ was originally intended to be Chromatica’s lead single? It leaked in late January 2020, however, so Gaga decided that it would be best to scrap the single release & that’s why they chose ‘Replay’ instead. I think they made the right decision not to release this one. Sure, that chugging electropop production is at least halfway competent (thanks to French house legend Tchami), but this is just so clearly one of the worst things Lady Gaga has ever put her name to.

‘Stupid Love’ is vapid, & artless, & inauthentic. It’s what happens when you buy Lady Gaga from Shein – a nonentity of a song with nothing to say & no reason to exist. Gaga steals her own chord progression from ‘Born This Way’ & slaps on a title that’s a direct synonym for ‘Bad Romance’, to produce something that lacks the heart & the power of either. Along the way, she utterly forgets to write a chorus, instead roping in a dolphin to… sort of gasp for air, I guess? Jesus, there’s a Max Martin credit on this.

‘Stupid Love’ was genuinely written in 2017 for A Star is Born & later considered for BloodPop®’s mercifully as-yet-unreleased album before finding a home on Chromatica. That might explain why it feels so underdeveloped lyrically compared to the rest of the record – it was literally written for that part of the movie where Gaga’s stripped away any sense of artistry to instead sing mindless nonsense over cheap Sunfly Karaoke instrumentals. Thankfully, ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t a single, so we can just sideline it, pretend it never existed.

& do you remember when the plans for the music video leaked? They were going to go into the desert with an iPhone & some Temu Gaga cosplay, & just hope that they could fix it in the edit with some low-quality CGI. Everyday I thank God that we didn’t have to see that music video.

 

You know, there was a brief but delightful moment where ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t going to be released as a single due to the leak. But we don’t have the joy of living in that timeline. I have no idea why this was Gaga’s ‘return to the dancefloor’, & I’m thankful for ‘Stupid Love’ only in that it makes it easier for us to rank Gaga’s lead singles.

But listen, as Little Monsters, we’re in this for the long haul. For every Grammy win, there is a year without a nomination. For every Top 10 hit, there’s a deep cut that we wish the GP would discover. & for every ‘turning up emotional faders, keep repeating self-hating phrases, I have heard enough of these voices, almost like I have no choice’, there’s a ‘freak out, freak out, freak out, freak out, look at me now ‘cause all I ever wanted was love, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, I want your stupid love, love, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)’.

As the harbinger for everything that went wrong in 2020, an unholy portent of doom, ‘Stupid Love’ is best forgotten – & the consensus tonight clearly agrees. @Romkance didn’t leave comments, so we don’t know the powerful combination of drugs that led them to award this an 11/10, but you can see @leedeegaga’s attempt below.

Yes, this was my one (1) allotted rant post.

 

Comments:

@leedeegaga “It’s probably the only song from the album I listen to more than once a week. It’s catchy & what I would call a classic Gaga sound.”

[PartySick 157,242]

Just now, Cruelty said:

10 STUPID LOVE – average 6.77

11 x 2 [ @leedeegaga @Romkance]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 6 [ @n1kos @ManMan @ChvVolk @50 Ft Queenie @Ayoherewego @TheSine]

January 2020. Fresh off the box-office success of the Middle America behemoth A Star is Born & its accompanying smash hit “Shallow”, Lady Gaga is on the top of the world. Las Vegas concert tickets are flying off the shelves, Gaga’s online presence is expanding at a rate of knots, & there are whispers that a long-awaited ‘return to the dancefloor’ is just around the corner… All the odds are in her favour.

But then.

 

Did you know that ‘Stupid Love’ was originally intended to be Chromatica’s lead single? It leaked in late January 2020, however, so Gaga decided that it would be best to scrap the single release & that’s why they chose ‘Replay’ instead. I think they made the right decision not to release this one. Sure, that chugging electropop production is at least halfway competent (thanks to French house legend Tchami), but this is just so clearly one of the worst things Lady Gaga has ever put her name to.

‘Stupid Love’ is vapid, & artless, & inauthentic. It’s what happens when you buy Lady Gaga from Shein – a nonentity of a song with nothing to say & no reason to exist. Gaga steals her own chord progression from ‘Born This Way’ & slaps on a title that’s a direct synonym for ‘Bad Romance’, to produce something that lacks the heart & the power of either. Along the way, she utterly forgets to write a chorus, instead roping in a dolphin to… sort of gasp for air, I guess? Jesus, there’s a Max Martin credit on this.

‘Stupid Love’ was genuinely written in 2017 for A Star is Born & later considered for BloodPop®’s mercifully as-yet-unreleased album before finding a home on Chromatica. That might explain why it feels so underdeveloped lyrically compared to the rest of the record – it was literally written for that part of the movie where Gaga’s stripped away any sense of artistry to instead sing mindless nonsense over cheap Sunfly Karaoke instrumentals. Thankfully, ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t a single, so we can just sideline it, pretend it never existed.

& do you remember when the plans for the music video leaked? They were going to go into the desert with an iPhone & some Temu Gaga cosplay, & just hope that they could fix it in the edit with some low-quality CGI. Everyday I thank God that we didn’t have to see that music video.

 

You know, there was a brief but delightful moment where ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t going to be released as a single due to the leak. But we don’t have the joy of living in that timeline. I have no idea why this was Gaga’s ‘return to the dancefloor’, & I’m thankful for ‘Stupid Love’ only in that it makes it easier for us to rank Gaga’s lead singles.

But listen, as Little Monsters, we’re in this for the long haul. For every Grammy win, there is a year without a nomination. For every Top 10 hit, there’s a deep cut that we wish the GP would discover. & for every ‘turning up emotional faders, keep repeating self-hating phrases, I have heard enough of these voices, almost like I have no choice’, there’s a ‘freak out, freak out, freak out, freak out, look at me now ‘cause all I ever wanted was love, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, I want your stupid love, love, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)’.

As the harbinger for everything that went wrong in 2020, an unholy portent of doom, ‘Stupid Love’ is best forgotten – & the consensus tonight clearly agrees. @Romkance didn’t leave comments, so we don’t know the powerful combination of drugs that led them to award this an 11/10, but you can see @leedeegaga’s attempt below.

Yes, this was my one (1) allotted rant post.

 

Comments:

@leedeegaga “It’s probably the only song from the album I listen to more than once a week. It’s catchy & what I would call a classic Gaga sound.”

Huh????  

This song's a bop!

[Daenerys 6,104]

Omg I can't believe Woman’s World placed so low 

[PartySick 157,242]

Just now, Daenerys said:

Omg I can't believe Woman’s World placed so low 

A ban list but it's just your name 10000 times

[LG2008 4,982]

4 minutes ago, PartySick said:

I wore gold pants and a leather jacket with gold studs to my show  

And under the jacket? A silky blue satin dress shirt with gold floral embellishments  

And to tie it all together, tacky but fun gold shoes that lit up  

Well, that isn't too far from the tour theme and colors  Gaga wore black, gold, red and grey, and that beautiful purple leotard with the mask 

Edited Saturday at 09:30 PM by LG2008

[Cruelty 6,172]

9 1000 DOVES – average 6.86

11 x 7 [ @DavidLuis198 @SimonBaetens @Creyk @jillianwoj @ImMatt @LaFama @Nessun Dorma]; 10 x 16

The lows: 1 x 4 [ @ManMan @Massive Monster @iamdna  @PSYCHOSHTICK]

I’ll leave it to you guys’ comments to explain this one, because I think you’ve all hit on the power of this song. Gaga’s told conflicting stories about whether she always wanted this to be a piano ballad or a dance track, but both versions capture the central thesis of Chromatica: dancing through the pain.

 

Comments:

@DavidLuis198 “I think 1000 Doves is very underrated by fans & it's one of the best examples of all the "dancing through pain" concept on the whole album (for better or worse), she’s literally pouring her soul out, begging on a cry for help with all her heart & giving her all while some electrobeats play behind her, JUSTICE FOR 1000 DOVES!”

@Creyk “I am sad this is the least streamed song from Chromatica, it is my most played by far, I love the feels it gives.”

@ImMatt “Everything about this song works. Lyrically thoughtful yet simple & powerful. Nostalgic, & an outstanding vocal performance from Gaga. One of the highlights of the tour.”

@LaFama “1000 Doves is the underrated gem of the album, this song is the embodiment of ‘dancing through the pain’, it’s a cathartic anthem.”

@Nessun Dorma “My eleven goes to 1000 Doves piano version :)”

[SimonBaetens 8,264]

Sour Candy must be next

[PartySick 157,242]

Just now, Cruelty said:

9 1000 DOVES – average 6.86

11 x 7 [ @DavidLuis198 @SimonBaetens @Creyk @jillianwoj @ImMatt @LaFama @Nessun Dorma]; 10 x 16

The lows: 1 x 4 [ @ManMan @Massive Monster @iamdna  @PSYCHOSHTICK]

I’ll leave it to you guys’ comments to explain this one, because I think you’ve all hit on the power of this song. Gaga’s told conflicting stories about whether she always wanted this to be a piano ballad or a dance track, but both versions capture the central thesis of Chromatica: dancing through the pain.

 

Comments:

@DavidLuis198 “I think 1000 Doves is very underrated by fans & it's one of the best examples of all the "dancing through pain" concept on the whole album (for better or worse), she’s literally pouring her soul out, begging on a cry for help with all her heart & giving her all while some electrobeats play behind her, JUSTICE FOR 1000 DOVES!”

@Creyk “I am sad this is the least streamed song from Chromatica, it is my most played by far, I love the feels it gives.”

@ImMatt “Everything about this song works. Lyrically thoughtful yet simple & powerful. Nostalgic, & an outstanding vocal performance from Gaga. One of the highlights of the tour.”

@LaFama “1000 Doves is the underrated gem of the album, this song is the embodiment of ‘dancing through the pain’, it’s a cathartic anthem.”

@Nessun Dorma “My eleven goes to 1000 Doves piano version :)”

Oop there goes the Cher song that should have remained a beautiful ballad but it was infected with the strange and pointless "TuRn It InTo A dAnCe SoNg" disease

[SimonBaetens 8,264]

Just now, Cruelty said:

9 1000 DOVES – average 6.86

11 x 7 [ @DavidLuis198 @SimonBaetens @Creyk @jillianwoj @ImMatt @LaFama @Nessun Dorma]; 10 x 16

The lows: 1 x 4 [ @ManMan @Massive Monster @iamdna  @PSYCHOSHTICK]

I’ll leave it to you guys’ comments to explain this one, because I think you’ve all hit on the power of this song. Gaga’s told conflicting stories about whether she always wanted this to be a piano ballad or a dance track, but both versions capture the central thesis of Chromatica: dancing through the pain.

 

Comments:

@DavidLuis198 “I think 1000 Doves is very underrated by fans & it's one of the best examples of all the "dancing through pain" concept on the whole album (for better or worse), she’s literally pouring her soul out, begging on a cry for help with all her heart & giving her all while some electrobeats play behind her, JUSTICE FOR 1000 DOVES!”

@Creyk “I am sad this is the least streamed song from Chromatica, it is my most played by far, I love the feels it gives.”

@ImMatt “Everything about this song works. Lyrically thoughtful yet simple & powerful. Nostalgic, & an outstanding vocal performance from Gaga. One of the highlights of the tour.”

@LaFama “1000 Doves is the underrated gem of the album, this song is the embodiment of ‘dancing through the pain’, it’s a cathartic anthem.”

@Nessun Dorma “My eleven goes to 1000 Doves piano version :)”

Whaaaaat? This is the best song on the album by a mile!

[PartySick 157,242]

1 minute ago, SimonBaetens said:

Sour Candy must be next

Should have been first

[RebeldeFaith 5,331]

7 minutes ago, Cruelty said:

10 STUPID LOVE – average 6.77

11 x 2 [ @leedeegaga @Romkance]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 6 [ @n1kos @ManMan @ChvVolk @50 Ft Queenie @Ayoherewego @TheSine]

January 2020. Fresh off the box-office success of the Middle America behemoth A Star is Born & its accompanying smash hit “Shallow”, Lady Gaga is on the top of the world. Las Vegas concert tickets are flying off the shelves, Gaga’s online presence is expanding at a rate of knots, & there are whispers that a long-awaited ‘return to the dancefloor’ is just around the corner… All the odds are in her favour.

But then.

 

Did you know that ‘Stupid Love’ was originally intended to be Chromatica’s lead single? It leaked in late January 2020, however, so Gaga decided that it would be best to scrap the single release & that’s why they chose ‘Replay’ instead. I think they made the right decision not to release this one. Sure, that chugging electropop production is at least halfway competent (thanks to French house legend Tchami), but this is just so clearly one of the worst things Lady Gaga has ever put her name to.

‘Stupid Love’ is vapid, & artless, & inauthentic. It’s what happens when you buy Lady Gaga from Shein – a nonentity of a song with nothing to say & no reason to exist. Gaga steals her own chord progression from ‘Born This Way’ & slaps on a title that’s a direct synonym for ‘Bad Romance’, to produce something that lacks the heart & the power of either. Along the way, she utterly forgets to write a chorus, instead roping in a dolphin to… sort of gasp for air, I guess? Jesus, there’s a Max Martin credit on this.

‘Stupid Love’ was genuinely written in 2017 for A Star is Born & later considered for BloodPop®’s mercifully as-yet-unreleased album before finding a home on Chromatica. That might explain why it feels so underdeveloped lyrically compared to the rest of the record – it was literally written for that part of the movie where Gaga’s stripped away any sense of artistry to instead sing mindless nonsense over cheap Sunfly Karaoke instrumentals. Thankfully, ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t a single, so we can just sideline it, pretend it never existed.

& do you remember when the plans for the music video leaked? They were going to go into the desert with an iPhone & some Temu Gaga cosplay, & just hope that they could fix it in the edit with some low-quality CGI. Everyday I thank God that we didn’t have to see that music video.

 

You know, there was a brief but delightful moment where ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t going to be released as a single due to the leak. But we don’t have the joy of living in that timeline. I have no idea why this was Gaga’s ‘return to the dancefloor’, & I’m thankful for ‘Stupid Love’ only in that it makes it easier for us to rank Gaga’s lead singles.

But listen, as Little Monsters, we’re in this for the long haul. For every Grammy win, there is a year without a nomination. For every Top 10 hit, there’s a deep cut that we wish the GP would discover. & for every ‘turning up emotional faders, keep repeating self-hating phrases, I have heard enough of these voices, almost like I have no choice’, there’s a ‘freak out, freak out, freak out, freak out, look at me now ‘cause all I ever wanted was love, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, I want your stupid love, love, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)’.

As the harbinger for everything that went wrong in 2020, an unholy portent of doom, ‘Stupid Love’ is best forgotten – & the consensus tonight clearly agrees. @Romkance didn’t leave comments, so we don’t know the powerful combination of drugs that led them to award this an 11/10, but you can see @leedeegaga’s attempt below.

Yes, this was my one (1) allotted rant post.

 

Comments:

@leedeegaga “It’s probably the only song from the album I listen to more than once a week. It’s catchy & what I would call a classic Gaga sound.”

[Cruelty 6,172]

8 SOUR CANDY – average 7.35

11 x 3 [ @Anderson123 @GagaSuperfan1 @zevthepaparazzo]; 10 x 17

The lows: 1 x 3 [ @SimonBaetens @ManMan  @ChvVolk]

Due to, well, you know… *gestures at 2020*, the vast majority of Chromatica promo plans were cancelled (this might have been for the best, since Gaga clearly wasn’t in the right place for a heavy promo tour in 2020, to put it kindly). We would’ve had medleys at award shows! A surprise Coachella set with a live debut for Hold My Hand! &, of course, we would’ve had ‘Sour Candy’ as a single.

In hindsight, it’s very clear what ‘Sour Candy’’s deal is. Chromatica goes for Spotify’s jugular, with its high proportion of sub-3 minute songs & its glistening array of collaborators, almost razor-focused on skewering different sectors of the music-buying public. ‘Sour Candy’ is one of the clearest examples of this, with its fanmade tracklist-ass title & its knock-off ‘Swish Swish’ club beat. It’s not Mozart. It’s not Bad Romance. Hell, it’s not all that far above 143 (don’t cancel me, we still have seven eliminations left). But, as something for the gays & the K-pop stans to kiki at over pre-drinks, it understands the assignment incredibly well.

This is one of the four songs that feature on Chromatica but weren’t originally created for it, & if you haven’t tracked down Madison Love’s original writer’s demo, I’d recommend it to trace the evolution of the song. This works to the benefit & detriment of ‘Sour Candy’. Yes, the lyrics are mindless & entirely unrelated to the album in which they find themselves, but on the other hand, it’s one of Chromatica’s biggest bops. Imagine the world where the clubs were open – I’m sure this would’ve lit up every dancefloor in 2020 & likely netted Gaga another top 10. Regrettably, we don’t live in that world, & maybe that’s contributed to ‘Sour Candy’ stalling at this point in the rate, with a very respectable 8th place.

 

Comments:

@Anderson123 “Biggest waste of a single since Scheiße”

@GagaSuperfan1 “Chefs kiss”

@zevthepaparazzo “this was so hard to doooooo but like IM SOUR CANDYYY SO SWEET THEN I GET A LITLL ANGY. Runner up is Babylon :)”

[PartySick 157,242]

Just now, Cruelty said:

8 SOUR CANDY – average 7.35

11 x 3 [ @Anderson123 @GagaSuperfan1 @zevthepaparazzo]; 10 x 17

The lows: 1 x 3 [ @SimonBaetens @ManMan  @ChvVolk]

Due to, well, you know… *gestures at 2020*, the vast majority of Chromatica promo plans were cancelled (this might have been for the best, since Gaga clearly wasn’t in the right place for a heavy promo tour in 2020, to put it kindly). We would’ve had medleys at award shows! A surprise Coachella set with a live debut for Hold My Hand! &, of course, we would’ve had ‘Sour Candy’ as a single.

In hindsight, it’s very clear what ‘Sour Candy’’s deal is. Chromatica goes for Spotify’s jugular, with its high proportion of sub-3 minute songs & its glistening array of collaborators, almost razor-focused on skewering different sectors of the music-buying public. ‘Sour Candy’ is one of the clearest examples of this, with its fanmade tracklist-ass title & its knock-off ‘Swish Swish’ club beat. It’s not Mozart. It’s not Bad Romance. Hell, it’s not all that far above 143 (don’t cancel me, we still have seven eliminations left). But, as something for the gays & the K-pop stans to kiki at over pre-drinks, it understands the assignment incredibly well.

This is one of the four songs that feature on Chromatica but weren’t originally created for it, & if you haven’t tracked down Madison Love’s original writer’s demo, I’d recommend it to trace the evolution of the song. This works to the benefit & detriment of ‘Sour Candy’. Yes, the lyrics are mindless & entirely unrelated to the album in which they find themselves, but on the other hand, it’s one of Chromatica’s biggest bops. Imagine the world where the clubs were open – I’m sure this would’ve lit up every dancefloor in 2020 & likely netted Gaga another top 10. Regrettably, we don’t live in that world, & maybe that’s contributed to ‘Sour Candy’ stalling at this point in the rate, with a very respectable 8th place.

 

Comments:

@Anderson123 “Biggest waste of a single since Scheiße”

@GagaSuperfan1 “Chefs kiss”

@zevthepaparazzo “this was so hard to doooooo but like IM SOUR CANDYYY SO SWEET THEN I GET A LITLL ANGY. Runner up is Babylon :)”

SOUR CANDY DIED BEFORE ENIGMA YASS

[LG2008 4,982]

I can't believe every song until now couldn't even average a 7  Some of you are tasteless... These songs lacked some things and more Gaga vibes but none are that bad to be below a 7 or almost a 7 if you wanna be very demanding 

EDIT: Sour Candy got a 7+  The smash hit that got away... I think if they made a video, it'd be her most watched, breaking YouTube records for sure. Just look at Ice Cream and SC is waaay better

Edited Saturday at 09:36 PM by LG2008

[SimonBaetens 8,264]

1 minute ago, Cruelty said:

8 SOUR CANDY – average 7.35

11 x 3 [ @Anderson123 @GagaSuperfan1 @zevthepaparazzo]; 10 x 17

The lows: 1 x 3 [ @SimonBaetens @ManMan  @ChvVolk]

Due to, well, you know… *gestures at 2020*, the vast majority of Chromatica promo plans were cancelled (this might have been for the best, since Gaga clearly wasn’t in the right place for a heavy promo tour in 2020, to put it kindly). We would’ve had medleys at award shows! A surprise Coachella set with a live debut for Hold My Hand! &, of course, we would’ve had ‘Sour Candy’ as a single.

In hindsight, it’s very clear what ‘Sour Candy’’s deal is. Chromatica goes for Spotify’s jugular, with its high proportion of sub-3 minute songs & its glistening array of collaborators, almost razor-focused on skewering different sectors of the music-buying public. ‘Sour Candy’ is one of the clearest examples of this, with its fanmade tracklist-ass title & its knock-off ‘Swish Swish’ club beat. It’s not Mozart. It’s not Bad Romance. Hell, it’s not all that far above 143 (don’t cancel me, we still have seven eliminations left). But, as something for the gays & the K-pop stans to kiki at over pre-drinks, it understands the assignment incredibly well.

This is one of the four songs that feature on Chromatica but weren’t originally created for it, & if you haven’t tracked down Madison Love’s original writer’s demo, I’d recommend it to trace the evolution of the song. This works to the benefit & detriment of ‘Sour Candy’. Yes, the lyrics are mindless & entirely unrelated to the album in which they find themselves, but on the other hand, it’s one of Chromatica’s biggest bops. Imagine the world where the clubs were open – I’m sure this would’ve lit up every dancefloor in 2020 & likely netted Gaga another top 10. Regrettably, we don’t live in that world, & maybe that’s contributed to ‘Sour Candy’ stalling at this point in the rate, with a very respectable 8th place.

 

Comments:

@Anderson123 “Biggest waste of a single since Scheiße”

@GagaSuperfan1 “Chefs kiss”

@zevthepaparazzo “this was so hard to doooooo but like IM SOUR CANDYYY SO SWEET THEN I GET A LITLL ANGY. Runner up is Babylon :)”

it was good live but other than that I act like it doesn’t exist