Is 911 personally hard for you?

[Gatlyn 1,166]

The 911 video is obviously one of Gaga's most artistic and visually pleasing yet. But I find it hard to rewatch because of memories it brings back of almost losing loved ones. As many of us do, I know people very close to me who have tried to take their own lives. This is hard enough to process on its own, and in a year where we're constantly reminded of mortality is overwhelming and confusing most days. 

So I feel a bit left out as Monsters are replaying and talking about every detail of the video. While I love the colors and choreography of the first few mins, hearing Gaga cry at the end is too much. It took me to a world without loved ones and even Gaga, which is a dark place.

Still, I'm glad Gaga went through this creative process with the song and video because if it heals her even a tiny bit that's all that matters. She tweeted this earlier:

This thread isn't to say millions of Little Monsters aren't watching the video on repeat. I'm happy for you all watching, loving, and analyzing!  I just wanted to express my complicated feelings and see who else on GGD feels this way. I feel much healthier typing this thread already.

We'll all keep loving Chromatica and the wonderful things this era brings. 

[Pop Music 20,522]

when she started to cry I cried bc I never want her to ever feel this depressed and decimated, but it's even worse that i've gone through somewhat similar personal struggles that lead me to feel like that occasionally and I could relate

so yes, it's hard to watch but one of the top reasons why I love her is her vulnerability and her way of portraying it 

[Chromatica Island 8,491]

I find it empowering as someone who takes medication for mental struggles (I have autism, mental ocd, anxiety, and depression), it is emotional to watch the ending, because when I had meltdowns in the past it is a crisis and it feels like a carwreck

[Chromatica Island 8,491]

Just now, Pop Music said:

when she started to cry I cried bc I never want her to ever feel this depressed and decimated, but it's even worse that i've gone through somewhat similar personal struggles that lead me to feel like that occasionally and I could relate

so yes, it's hard to watch but one of the top reasons why I love her is her vulnerability and her way of portraying it 

Same

[KillerMonster 2,360]

It kinda opened a wound for sure. I know exactly what she meant for this video. Definitely a master piece. It was a roller coaster of emotions 

[Sister 9,907]

I am streaming on youtube over and over, listening while I post here safely. 

It is a visually gorgeous video, but yes, also heart wrenching all the same.

[rasclautmangos 2,740]

Yes, I've watched it a few times now and it started hitting me how truly sad this video is.

Her being between life and death, and at some points in the video looking as if she was content with fading away and dying, that she preferred it really.

The video was much heavier than I expected it to and also a tad bit triggering if you really pay attention to it, but I still loved it.

[Kulture Kiari 3,433]

As someone that cries in pain due to depression and the thought of committing suicide, I felt connected to her, knowing that I'm not the only one to feel this way. I started crying even more knowing that it doesnt matter if you're a powerful popstar, you can still go through these emotions. I think I've watched it like 10 times already. 

[claruacosta 57]

When I finished it I didn't even realized I was crying. Very cathartic. I relate so much to the song, and the MV is just a masterpiece.

[LaLuna 12,732]

Definitely. I've been dealing with mental illness for over a decade and I'm going through a really tough time at the moment. The fear, the feeling of helplessness, the depression, thinking you're going crazy... I can totally relate.

[Borislshere 52,615]

The video yes. I was in my first car accident this past sunday so the ending of the video gave me the worst flashbacks. The sirens, people in pain, the guilt, the regret. Hearing her say "i'm sorry" while being distraught on the stretcher is what really got me. That feeling of guilt after an experience like that. I came home after my accident and held my dog and just apologized over and over to her. I couldn't process what had happen and all i felt was guilt. 

I feel like this video is exactly what i needed now though. Someone who can share the pain i feel even if it's just acting. I feel a little less alone. 

[Antoni 5,332]

Yes, but I'm addicted to emotional pain I guess because I keep rewatching just the end that makes me cry every time.

[Kimblue 7,334]

1 minute ago, Antoni said:

Yes, but I'm addicted to emotional pain I guess because I keep rewatching just the end that makes me cry every time.

I keep rewatching the end too!

[LaLuna 12,732]

1 minute ago, Antoni said:

Yes, but I'm addicted to emotional pain I guess because I keep rewatching just the end that makes me cry every time.

You know, that's actually very interesting. There is such a thing as being addicted to pain. I feel like I'm so used to feeling miserable that when I feel good it doesn't feel safe and I have to find something to worry or be upset about, because that's my comfort zone.

[L0NEL1GHTS 1]

The song isn’t hard for me but that video absolutely was.  I don’t regret watching it at all but I don’t think I can see it again