Chromatica: Reviews Thread

[Skabi 3,096]

12 minutes ago, Queen Bitch said:

The most uninspired Madge rip-off moment of the whole record

thats all i needed to hear to know that this review aint $hit lol, vogue music and voguing had been around way before madonna released the song she just hopped on the trend.

[Cookie Tookie 10,546]

Imagine being so wrong. It’s like they purposely force themselves to write a bad review for the sake of it.

[Shav33l 1,241]

2 minutes ago, Haldy said:

We did, but Metacritic's policy is if a grade is given, its given... and in Metacritic's defence, it was a 0.

Wait, so does that mean the AV Club grade isn't gonna change? 

[Guest Adarsh]

It’s still a 7/10 so y’all better not **** that up by attacking them. Ignore it

[Bradley 57,980]

What fcking problem does Slant have with Gaga or the world... like what made you so bitter that you spent one whole decade reviewing Lady Gaga's albums and not actually paying attention to the artistry and music and just decided to write negatively before even listening to it. It's so fcking predictable at this point.

They've decided upon a negative review before Gaga stepped foot into the studio.

[Bebe 16,989]

They end up rating the album an 8 so it's hardly an awful review. It's an attempt to be funny and is targeted to the GP not stans. OP has also taken out most of the reviews of songs where they rate 8/10 or above.

I wouldn't recommend anyone taking it more seriously than intended. It's just a "fun" way for them to review the album in a way that stands out.

[Helix 1,456]

Who cares, I’ll be over here soaking up all the acclaim she got from Variety 

[Nano 3,645]

It is slate after all... what would you expect.

They're on the wrong side of history. 

[BruceWayneOnMe 652]

They have given plenty of songs good score too

[Daylight Jokers 14,958]

Edgy middle schoolers be like.

[Haldy 1,062]

2 minutes ago, Shav33l said:

Wait, so does that mean the AV Club grade isn't gonna change? 

I don't think it will. Plus, I wouldn't waste too much energy trying to change a 75, that's still a solid grade.

[CyanDante 5,901]

17 minutes ago, Queen Bitch said:

"Every Song on Lady Gaga’s Chromatica, Rated in Comparison to A Star Is Born’s Butt Song"
 

“Rain on Me”

Without Ariana Grande, I’m not sure this song would count as good. A shopworn metaphor about rain and tears (and, Gaga’s mentioned, booze) is utterly elevated when the vocal lightning kicks in, and soon even the backing tracks seem to be losing it in excitement. A cross-generational time-slip that feels both older and newer than it is and instantly indelible—underlined by its simultaneously obvious and emotional and ecstatic video by veteran filmmaker Robert Rodriguez.

9/10 butts
 

“Plastic Doll”

Well, sigh. Skrillex and BloodPop, Gaga’s co-producers here, seem to have decided this album needed a song that would have been a Katy Perry reject in 2012, using the most clichéd trope they could find, the woman as Barbie. One point for the lines, “Who’s that girl, Malibu Gaga?/ Looks so sad, what is this saga?” Otherwise the album’s second-least-redemptive moment.

2/10 butts
 

“Sour Candy”

With arguably the biggest K-pop group of the moment (and therefore arguably the biggest group in the world), Blackpink, this is more a great cultural event than a great song. Gaga doesn’t sound that invested in what she’s singing, but Blackpink’s Rosé and friends are giving it their all. Released just a day before Chromatica, “Sour Candy” will be huge and I’m into that. It does a lot less for the album as such.

6.5/10 butts
 

“Enigma”

This is the most Gaga-does-Gaga song, and I suspect one of the earliest-composed, given that Enigma was also the name of the Las Vegas residency she started in 2018. It probably sounded great in the show. Here it feels like a commercial.

4/10 butts
 

“1000 Doves”

This song is perhaps as sincere as the previous song, but it doesn’t have Elton John, and its sincerity feels so much more aggressively “we’re almost at the end of the album.” There is a really unbearable level of reverb. And one or two doves really would suffice.

-1 butts
 

“Babylon”

There’s so much wrong here. The pun of “babble on” and “Babylon,” as used by a million hack poets and songwriters before her. The most uninspired Madge rip-off moment of the whole record, a hard-voiced recitative that sounds exactly like the famous “Vogue” rap. There is what I guess might be a Prince tribute in the line “We can party like it’s B.C.,” which I might not have heard the same way had there not been a “doves” song before it. But it’s so kooky and obliviously tasteless and self-affirming, all in that quintessentially Gaga fashion (it’s mostly a song against gossip, which is an ancient tradition), that … I like it.

7/10 butts

https://slate.com/culture/2020/05/lady-gaga-chromatica-review-butt-song.html

I hope this is a joke

[Queen Bitch 10,513]

1 minute ago, Bebe said:

They end up rating the album an 8 so it's hardly an awful review. It's an attempt to be funny and is targeted to the GP not stans. OP has also taken out most of the reviews of songs where they rate 8/10 or above.

I wouldn't recommend anyone taking it more seriously than intended. It's just a "fun" way for them to review the album in a way that stands out.

I just wanted to show the worst examples. Plus I didn't want to copy the whole article. 

[Reginald 13,839]

As soon as I saw the rating scale was butts, and could go negative   mess x 1 million disregard ha 

[gagaxsebert 5,804]

6 minutes ago, Haldy said:

We did, but Metacritic's policy is if a grade is given, its given... and in Metacritic's defence, it was a 0.

I just saw on twitter that a reviewer (don’t know the publications, their name was Jeff I think) gave Chromatica an 85 but MC put on their system as a 75. Would they change this