Gay men hate femme gay men

[Meruk Holland 2,358]

1 minute ago, Haroon said:

what  Not at all, differing opinions are fine  but that doesn't mean that people with different opinions can't be disagreed with  

I love how everyone goes straight to you or @Admin  not even @Zilla    

[Doot 2]

1 hour ago, ZacharyMark said:

What is feminine though? Did the survey ever think of giving examples? Because I can think of varying types of feminine men. 

Yes. There is an entire spectrum of what would be considered feminine. It’s all very subjective. 

[CautiousLurker 19,709]

4 minutes ago, Haroon said:

what  Not at all, differing opinions are fine  but that doesn't mean that people with different opinions can't be disagreed with  

Doesn't mean it's ok to start throwing personal insults either 

[Haroon 49,685]

Just now, CautiousLurker said:

Doesn't mean it's ok to start throwing personal insults either 

Definitely not, that's not allowed regardless  If anyone does then please report the post(s) and the mods will deal with it

[Whispering 18,865]

It's interesting. I don't think it can be summed up as simply "who you are attracted to". Straight guys seem to be much more likely to be attracted to a wide variety of types. They can be attracted to and date women who are extremely feminine to a very sporty tomboy type. Straight guys seem to be fascinated/interested/attracted to a wide array of types. 

 

[Daenerys 6,274]

13 minutes ago, Haroon said:

what  Not at all, differing opinions are fine  but that doesn't mean that people with different opinions can't be disagreed with  

I’m just being a big ol Melanie Martinez right now because I love this forum. It’s such a cool place to be in my spare time and I put my foot in my mouth and just want my apology to be accepted 

 

 

[Haroon 49,685]

1 minute ago, GodofLove said:

I’m just being a big ol Melanie Martinez right now because I love this forum. It’s such a cool place to be in my spare time and I put my foot in my mouth and just want my apology to be accepted 

Aww it's alright, like I have nothing personal against you  I don't agree with your initial post and I think it rubbed people the wrong way but it's been explained what you meant and that there was some miswording and stuff and even if it wasn't it is what it is  Not all of us will agree on everything and that's the beauty of the forum because we can discuss why we think things and provide different perspectives and enlighten one another and leave situations with a better understanding of the other side and each other  

[mightyriverz 2,653]

"look how beautiful our different opinions are and how they make everyone feel good"

excuse me no

[mightyriverz 2,653]

just as I presumed, no one cares that labeling prejudice as a preference is one of many reasons why people like me just rather stay alone.
Guess I'll just start to seek for some HIV and no PEP, so I might die slowly.
if anyone wants to fcuk me lol

[Blake 7,385]

Well at least after all this mess, I know who to stay away from on GGD now.  

[God Control 2,181]

1 hour ago, Brooklyn Knight said:

I think the main point here goes beyond the "preference" aspect and more about just the general perception of the femme gay in the world. Masculinity has always been seen as one of the most important aspects in culture in general, not just gay culture. So in reality, gays are already seen as "less than". But when it comes to the femme gay, they are perceived as bottom of the barrel, and the bottom of the food chain. There are many different causes for this mindset, but ultimately, it just comes down to the important that is placed on masculinity worldwide, and the hive mind mentality of many.

Being hetero-normative ( conforming to masculine ideals with looks, mannerisms, etc.) is in a way going stealth while being gay. There are many reasons for this ranging from a sense of feeling safe to just keeping everybody's eyes off of you. Of course, there are gays who purposefully put on more of a masculine ideal, and those who have it naturally. The main issue truly has more to do with the idea that anything that isn't masculine or hetero-normative is seen as weak and less than. In reality, I believe that most if not all of us have had some sexist mentality pushed on us since we were little (dolls and pink are for girls, etc.). These strictly enforced gender roles have really distorted the idea of what it means to be masculine and feminine, and beyond that, has made it a bigger deal then it has to be. 

The real point here is that femmes are seen as less than and its WAY deeper than just being about preference. I'd love to keep chatting about this if you're interested.

 

 

Thanks for your input. Of course most if not all of what you said is correct regarding a lot of people, especially homophobic people or people who are generally uneducated about sexuality who feel surprised that you're masculine and gay and say "but you don't look gay!", or those who purposefully pretend to be straight so as not to be known as gay..etc. but I only said what I said because the other person assumed that it's problematic and bad to be into a man who is "manly" and "wild" and "tough" which is wrong because I'm not into that type of men because society told me so or because I'm ashamed of anything less. I simply do not have any sexual desire towards anything other than that type. Nothing against the quality of people that femme gays can be. At the end of the day, people are people, gay, straight, bi, muslim, christian, atheist, black, white, asian, latin, arab, american..etc. and there can be good and bad, boring and interesting..etc. of all kinds. So I was merely pointing out that for me, it's a matter of interest and desire.

As for the whole heteronormative thing, I believe many people consider it something negative or get offended when you call it "normal" or "common", but in reality it's fair to call something that can be applied to well over 80% or 90% of the male gender, if not more, to be the normal thing or the common. It's not because the other side is abnormal or abhorrent or diseased or anything, but statistically speaking, it's a very small percentage of people that behave in a non-confirmative way in accordance with their gender roles and behaviors, which is the reason why the term "norm" is often used and perhaps mostly with good intentions. I personally have nothing against any person, if you feel like a woman inside a man's body, that's fine, if you feel like you're a man and behave in a feminine way or dress in feminine outfits, that's up to you, if you feel attraction towards one or more genders or want to be in a certain type of relationship, more power to you. I personally don't interfere with the way people live nor do I bother judging them for it.

But when it comes to my life and my lifestyle, I have my preferences and a lot of people who claim to fight for LGBT people have attempted to lecture me and even attack me for my sexual role, my choice of partner, my preference of monogamous relationships, my lack of interest for many stuff that are considered "gay interests", or siding with specific pop queens or being into gossip about other people's relationship or any gatherings or bars..etc. honestly, those people were much worse than the so-called homophobic people because I've met homophobic people and when they knew stuff about me, they went away and I understood it. Like ok, you don't wanna associate yourself with me because I'm gay? fine. You're free. But it's those who attack you and call you names just because you don't fit their description of a typical gay guy, like being gay comes with a set of default specs.

[imnotyourbabe10 6,120]

Oh boy, my gender studies brain is going off for a million reasons 

But one thing that I've never been able to understand--from all of my education and reading--is that masculinity, historically speaking, has always been (for the most part) so highly regarded while femininity has been punished or frowned upon. [See "The Construct of Homosexuality.]  Please don't come at me with biology because masculinity and femininity, like gender, are social constructs and dictated by cultural practices or norms [See "Delusions of Gender" by Cordelia Fine].  Attraction would also appear to be a product of socialization.

Plus, the gay male community has to clean its act up with its divisiveness.  Whether it's about gender, racism, misogyny, body type, top/bottom, and hunty threads on cult sites  .  

And it gets even more complicated when viewed in the context of Western culture, neoliberalism and Tr***'s Murica.  

 

[Lord Temptation 11,209]

The gay community is not perfect.

It is allowed to be criticised - especially from within.

[God Control 2,181]

38 minutes ago, imnotyourbabe10 said:

Oh boy, my gender studies brain is going off for a million reasons 

But one thing that I've never been able to understand--from all of my education and reading--is that masculinity, historically speaking, has always been (for the most part) so highly regarded while femininity has been punished or frowned upon. [See "The Construct of Homosexuality.]  Please don't come at me with biology because masculinity and femininity, like gender, are social constructs and dictated by cultural practices or norms [See "Delusions of Gender" by Cordelia Fine].  Attraction would also appear to be a product of socialization.

Plus, the gay male community has to clean its act up with its divisiveness.  Whether it's about gender, racism, misogyny, body type, top/bottom, and hunty threads on cult sites  .  

And it gets even more complicated when viewed in the context of Western culture, neoliberalism and Tr***'s Murica.  

 

I don't believe that gender, masculinity and femininity or attraction are social constructs. Women didn't wake up one day and decided to be the weaker gender, biologically speaking and neither did men. Yes, of course there are women who are stronger than men, but in general, and biologically speaking, this is just the way we evolved as a species. Even if those stuff were partly promoted by society, it's because of biological reasons. It's no surprise that women were associated with house-related matters or jobs related to nursing, teaching children, even medical jobs related to other women and children or stuff related to beauty and design because a large percentage of them have these interests or are instinctually better at. That's not to say women should be restricted to those jobs and cannot for example join the army or work in carpentry..etc. As hard as people try to say "men and women are equal and the same", they're not. Men and women SHOULD BE EQUAL IN THE EYES OF THE LAW but they're not biologically equal nor need they pretend to be and that's no shortcoming on either side. It's a difference that we need to embrace and cherish. 

As for gender, sexuality and attraction, those are also not merely social constructs and they're not simply cultures that we're used to. I don't feel attraction to men because it's shameful not to do so, I'm not bottom or top because it's socially acceptable, I'm not into manly men because society thinks femme gays are abhorrent or disgusting or anything. I just prefer sex with someone who's tough, wild and larger than me. That's what turns me on since as long as I can remember. It might actually make me sound like the "femme" one but I'm not femme, I just like sex that way. Same goes for the type of relationships I prefer, being monogamous is not something I desire and do because it's normal and acceptable, it's because I want the person I love for myself and so does he.

You don't just decide to scrap and dismiss all of people's desires, struggles, preferences, and what turns them on and off and label all that as some sort of cultural idea that only came to being because society thinks it's right. None of what I prefer is right in the eyes of society, being gay alone is a big No in my society, at least publicly, and I'm "out", being bottom is a no no among gays and my society and I am so, wanting to be sheltered and protected and loved by a bigger, wild and tough man isn't something that is common among men nor is it something acceptable in the eyes of society when it's desired by a man like me, and that's who I am. So no, these aren't social constructs. My desires aren't merely constructs. I wouldn't wear high heels even if that was the coolest thing in the world, nor make up, nor will I ever act in a feminine way because that is simply not who I am.

It's no hate towards somebody, nor any shame nor is it adherence to some culture or norm. It's just who we are. 

[pedrohemg 7,802]

I want to share my opinion, but to avoid unnecessary controversies, I'll use an woman as example. I'm gay because I'm not equally attracted by man and woman, so I don't feel right to say I'm bi. But I don't have any problems to hook up with a woman as long as I like her for some reason. But I won't hook up with a woman that has many masculine attitudes because I just don't like it.  It's not discriminatory but just my preference.