Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 ++ Sorry! The thread was not meant to be in Entertainment News... it’s a mistake ++ Hey guys. I wanna share a song with you that I wrote one year ago. I never finished the track because I felt insecure about the production. Yesterday I listened to “Salt Lake” again and I realized that this is probably my best work at the moment. So I uploaded the song on YouTube. It’s a really dirty production so don’t be so critical please hope you enjoy the song as I do Here is the lyrics: We leave this World together A new Space and Time Bad things last Forever Living inside a Holy shrine I saw my past life And i asked myself How Could I survive How Could I be so quite It felt so wrong to trust It felt so wrong to stay (2x) It felt so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive We wanna get high feel the danger and risk When the People we Love No longer exist We Fall from the sky We create our own Water crying a sea Everything dries out Even the Last tree It felt so wrong to trust It felt so wrong to stay It felt so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive Live in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) How can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) ◦ We leave this World together A new Space and Time Bad things last Forever Living inside a Holy shrine I saw my past life And i asked myself How Could I survive How Could I be so quite It feels o wrong to trust It feels so wrong to stay (2x) It feels so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive We wanna get high feel the danger and risk When the People we Love No longer exist We Fall from the sky We create our own Water crying a sea Everything dries out Even the Last tree It feels so wrong to trust It feels so wrong to stay It feels so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive Live in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) How can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Laurent 4,862 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 The lyrics are just ok to me. It's good, but quite rudimentary and shallow. You're voice is surprisingly pleasant though, compared to others I've heard on here. Try not to force your writing so much - a perfect example would be 'sea' and 'tree' yeah it rhymes, but does it really make sense? Does it really mean anything? Spoiler Although, the arrogance you have to post this in 'Entertainment News' is quite alarming I'll hope and assume it was a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 4 minutes ago, Saint Laurent said: The lyrics are just ok to me. It's good, but quite rudimentary and shallow. You're voice is surprisingly pleasant though, compared to others I've heard on here. Try not to force your writing so much - a perfect example would be 'sea' and 'tree' yeah it rhymes, but does it really make sense? Does it really mean anything? Hide contents Although, the arrogance you have to post this in 'Entertainment News' is quite alarming I'll hope and assume it was a mistake. It is a mistake and I tried to change it... how does it work? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edonis 28,950 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 The rhyming is slightly redundant but you have a nice voice that works with the production of the song. I would just work on your song writing skills and you’ll get better in time! Good work! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleks 3,946 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 This is a bop as a whole! But if you pay a bit more attention to the lyrics alone, I agree with what was said earlier You’d definitely be an artist I’d listen to tho We don’t really need to talk too much, show each other what we know 🦋 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vodka 4,478 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Honestly, not to mean any offense at all, but I think that your voice just makes up for the writing. That and the production of it, even if u think that it is pretty messy, is still beautiful. I'm totally digging the vibes of it. I would tho, work on the writing as the others have said. Rhymes are nice to listen to when it comes to the sounds of it, but I think ur audience would want something a bit smoother when you choose your words. Yes, I also do love partying in moving houses as seen in that one Bacardi tv ad. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Edonis said: The rhyming is slightly redundant but you have a nice voice that works with the production of the song. I would just work on your song writing skills and you’ll get better in time! Good work! Thank you for your feedback! My writings skills are not really good. You are right ... I am more into producing but I will work on that! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boyboi12 2,125 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 25 minutes ago, Abramovic said: ++ Sorry! The thread was not meant to be in Entertainment News... it’s a mistake ++ Hey guys. I wanna share a song with you that I wrote one year ago. I never finished the track because I felt insecure about the production. Yesterday I listened to “Salt Lake” again and I realized that this is probably my best work at the moment. So I uploaded the song on YouTube. It’s a really dirty production so don’t be so critical please hope you enjoy the song as I do Here is the lyrics: We leave this World together A new Space and Time Bad things last Forever Living inside a Holy shrine I saw my past life And i asked myself How Could I survive How Could I be so quite It felt so wrong to trust It felt so wrong to stay (2x) It felt so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive We wanna get high feel the danger and risk When the People we Love No longer exist We Fall from the sky We create our own Water crying a sea Everything dries out Even the Last tree It felt so wrong to trust It felt so wrong to stay It felt so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive Live in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) How can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) ◦ We leave this World together A new Space and Time Bad things last Forever Living inside a Holy shrine I saw my past life And i asked myself How Could I survive How Could I be so quite It feels o wrong to trust It feels so wrong to stay (2x) It feels so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive We wanna get high feel the danger and risk When the People we Love No longer exist We Fall from the sky We create our own Water crying a sea Everything dries out Even the Last tree It feels so wrong to trust It feels so wrong to stay It feels so wrong to Play I wanna hear the truth Today I wanna figure it out what Keeps me Alive Live in this World Forever (Refrain) How Can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) How can I survive (We live in a salt Lake) You should let me edit your lyrics, I’m really good at song writing! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Aleks said: This is a bop as a whole! But if you pay a bit more attention to the lyrics alone, I agree with what was said earlier You’d definitely be an artist I’d listen to tho 1 minute ago, Vodka said: Honestly, not to mean any offense at all, but I think that your voice just makes up for the writing. That and the production of it, even if u think that it is pretty messy, is still beautiful. I'm totally digging the vibes of it. I would tho, work on the writing as the others have said. Rhymes are nice to listen to when it comes to the sounds of it, but I think ur audience would want something a bit smoother when you choose your words. Thank you! I will work on that I promise and I hope It sounds better in future Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Boyboi12 said: You should let me edit your lyrics, I’m really good at song writing! Of course! You can try it but i am not sure if I will ever record this song again... anyway I am excited to see what you will do with my work Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lona Delery 7,216 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Surprisingly pretty good A little less autotune woulf be nice and as the others mentioned,the lyrics are quite clumsyd But i like the melody, production and your voice Sometimes it feels like I've got a war in my mind, I wanna get off but I keep riding the ride Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boyboi12 2,125 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 5 minutes ago, Abramovic said: Of course! You can try it but i am not sure if I will ever record this song again... anyway I am excited to see what you will do with my work Sweet I’ll work on it tonight Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abramovic 1,654 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Lona Delery said: Surprisingly pretty good A little less autotune woulf be nice and as the others mentioned,the lyrics are quite clumsyd But i like the melody, production and your voice Thank you Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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