Take You Out (to the football game)

[15jocart 2,305]

Shoot it, run it, what's it called?
Everybody loves it. Football!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY, Super Bowl Sunday!

I know that Gaga is the main event for us, but I'm sure some of you are going to what the straights call "Super Bowl parties." And you'll have to watch men in armor and tights tackle each other for a brown ball for about 4 hours. So to help you out, here's some basic rules to the game that'll be played at the Gaga concert:

The main point of football is to score points, like any other sport. The winner is the team that scores the most points at the end of 4 quarters of 15 minutes each. Players can score in several ways, but the main two are touchdowns (worth 6 points) and field goals worth (worth 3 points). Touchdowns are when the ball is run or passed into the end zone, at the end of the field, like Gaga ran through this field:

Field goals are when the ball is kicked through the goal posts, the yellow poles at the end of each field. Also, after scoring a touchdown, the scoring team can get one extra point by kicking it through the goal posts, like a field goal. It's harder than it looks like because the ball is lowkey shaped like this:

Each team has four attempts, called downs, to move the ball 10 yards from where they started. If they move it 10 yards by throwing or running with the ball, they get a fresh set of four downs to try again. It's like where Gaga has a certain amount of promo she can do for a song before she gives up on it and moves to the next one (unless, of course, you're talking about Million Reasons).

If the team doesn't get the ball 10 yards in four tries, they have to give the other team the ball. So, often times on fourth down they'll punt the ball by kicking it as far as possible so the other team has to go further for a touchdown. Petty, I know, but it's what they have to do. Sometimes, though, the team will take a big risk and try to use their fourth down to get to the 10 yards (they're trying to convert fourth down). Usually this happens if they only have 1 or 2 yards left to go. It's like when Gaga kept playing the BTWBall even though her leg was hurt. I guess.

The team trying to score is on offense. The team trying to prevent them from scoring is the defense. The teams switch who's on offense and defense depending on who has control of the ball at the time. The defense can tackle the player with the ball to the ground, catch it (an interception), or cause the offense to drop the ball (a fumble). Lord knows Gaga knows what this is like:

The teams are run by coaching staff. The main guy in charge is the head coach, aka Bobby Campbell. They run the plays, just like Bobby lines up that sweet, sweet promo :

The referees are the ones that call penalties, or when a player breaks the rules. They can make or break a game by deciding if a play was legal or not. Often times, they have to watch review footage in slow-motion to ensure they made they right call. No matter what they say, half of the crowd is going to have a problem with it.

Now, about the teams:

The New England Patriots are the American Football Conference champions. This is their 9th Super Bowl appearance, which is an NFL record. They're they Beyoncè of football: you either love them or hate them, but they're successful either way and are always in the spotlight for various reasons. In that sense, they're like Gaga at her peak as well. Their quarterback, Tom Brady, is a household name, as is their coach, Bill Belichick.

The Atlanta Falcons are the National Football Conference champions. This is their first Super Bowl since 1999. They're starved for success, the opposite of the Patriots. In this way, they are like....Mariah Carey. I guess. Both started 2017 with a bang 

There are tons of other rules to football, but thankfully for you guys, you only have to wait about an hour or so before Gaga hits the stage and slays us all. Hopefully this gives you enough basic understanding to at least pretend to watch the game with your friends until the moment we've all been waiting for arrives. Any and all football questions can be answered here  thanks for reading!

[cryingrainbow 1,136]

12 minutes ago, 15jocart said:

you'll have to watch men in armor and tights tackle each other for a brown ball for about 4 hours.

i dont have to, i'd love to. 

[cryingrainbow 1,136]

 

 these memes prepared me well for tomorrow 

[iCpro 14,846]

these Gaga analogies are killing me 

[15jocart 2,305]

10 hours ago, iCpro said:

these Gaga analogies are killing me 

Muchas gracias 

[15jocart 2,305]

Update: The Patriots won in overtime. I didn't include OT in the OP because it has never happened in a Super Bowl before....