P!nk normalises Domestic Violence

[Bebe 16,562]

TL;DR P!nk videos and lyrics often have casual references to violence against her partner and portray love and passion as intertwined with this violence and conflict. Below are examples of this. Do you think this criticism is fair or unfair?


So I do remember P!nk being criticised to some extent about her depictions of domestic violence in her videos and lyrics, but honestly I'm not sure if the criticism has ever been loud enough. I am actually a fan of P!nk (I'm Australian), but in going through some of her songs it really struck me that some of her videos and lyrics are rather problematic.

The most obvious example is the video for Please Don't Leave Me. In this video she very clearly harms and abuses her partner in a very serious way, to P!nk and the director this seems to be humorous but maybe it isn't so funny to those stuck in an abusive relationship.

In this song she starts by describing how she insults him, kicks him out and can be really mean - finishing the verse with "I can be so mean when I want to be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces". She also describes her husband as her "perfect little punching bag" and blames him for her behaviour asking "What is it with you that makes me act like this? I've never been this nasty"

 

Another example of this can be found in her song/video Try. In the video for Try she is depicted dancing to a routine with a male partner. This partner throws her around the room, drags her from her bed and the two depict choreography that includes them punching, kicking and choking each other before embracing in tender gestures.

This coupled with lyrics such as “Where there is a fire there is bound to be a flame/Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned” sends the message that passion and love are inherently linked to pain. The chorus “But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die/you gotta get up and try try try” sends a victim-blaming message, putting the responsibility for change on the person being burned. Asking them to get up and try again, hoping that things will change.

 

While the video for this song isn't so triggering, the song True Love itself has some pretty disturbing lyrics. In the song Pink’s negative feelings for her husband are her only proof that she loves him.  She again ties in this idea of conflict being inherently linked with passion and love singing:

“Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say /Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face /…You push all my buttons down /I know life would suck without you /At the same time, I wanna hug you /I wanna wrap my hands around your neck /You’re an asshole but I love you /And you make me so mad I ask myself /Why I’m still here, or where could I go/You’re the only love I’ve ever known/But I hate you/I really hate you, so much/ I think it must be/True love.”

The lyrics “Where could I go/ You’re the only love I’ve ever known” hit especially close to home. Victims talk about feeling trapped in unhealthy relationships for a variety of reasons, physical, emotional, and financial. The feeling of not knowing where else to go (often coupled with the guilt that they feel for not “getting up and trying” hard enough) is one reason that victims find themselves staying in relationships that are violent.

What do you think? Is this criticism fair or unfair?

I personally find this very disturbing, she is a great talent and has great songs but imo in these examples she is normalising domestic abuse and that's not ok.

***I want to also put the disclaimer that I'm not saying P!nk and Carey Hart are in an abusive relationship I'm just saying that P!nk's lyrics and videos often seem to normalise or glamorise domestic violence, even if this is unintentional.

**Also the 'N' in P!nk capitalises itself in the title, probably because it comes after an exclamation mark  When I go to edit it it's still a lowercase n. I would change it to Pink, but then I feel like I've referred to her as P!nk throughout this OP and I'd need to change them all and uggh.

[kabirartfling 9,063]

Its really interesting now that you say, but looking back almost all her music has been this way, weither it was 'so what' where she is violent towards her neighbours or 'perfect' where the girl who portrays her, cuts herself! maybe it has something to do with her upbringing or her lifestyle which causes her such violent outbursts 

[River 91,010]

@Bebe

1. Please Don't Leave Me - the video was influenced by the Misery movie/book.

2. Try - it's the Apache dance.. it's supposed to be like that.

3. True Love - I don't know if you were in a relationship but when you love someone, sometimes you want to punch them in the face when they do something stupid or makes you angry because they left the milk out of the fridge again, or some days you feel like "damn I hate him so much I want to leave this place and never see him again" and the next day you just can't leave without him.. I think the song is very real and everyone who's in a relationship can relate to..

[The Surrealist 27,470]

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family.

- Pink, Family Portrait

[KyliesChild 16,907]

1 minute ago, River said:

@Bebe

1. Please Don't Leave Me - the video was influenced by the Misery movie.

2. Try - it's the Apache dance.. it's supposed to be like that.

3. True Love - I don't know if you were in a relationship but when you love someone, sometimes you want to punch them in the face when they do something stupid or makes you angry because they left the milk out of the fridge again, or some days you feel like "damn I hate him so much I want to leave this place and never see him again" and the next day you just can't leave without him.. I think the song is very real and everyone who's in a relationship can relate to..

It's not just about the dance, it's about the song itself in Try.

[Bebe 16,562]

Just now, River said:

@Bebe

1. Please Don't Leave Me - the video was influenced by the Misery movie/book.

2. Try - it's the Apache dance.. it's supposed to be like that.

3. True Love - I don't know if you were in a relationship but when you love someone, sometimes you want to punch them in the face when they do something stupid or makes you angry because they left the milk out of the fridge again, or some days you feel like "damn I hate him so much I want to leave this place and never see him again" and the next day you just can't leave without him.. I think the song is very real and everyone who's in a relationship can relate to..

1. Doesn't excuse it

2. Doesn't excuse it

3. I have been in a relationship, of course I have been frustrated at a partner or loved one before, you seem to miss the point though

[Yanko 9,860]

8 minutes ago, River said:

@Bebe

1. Please Don't Leave Me - the video was influenced by the Misery movie/book.

 

  stephen is such an influential LEGEND 

[Killa 14,409]

This!! There's something very screwed about many of this and all these songs get such radio airplay, it's quite concerning, in my point of view.

She acts all rebel but there's no wonder she's a pop idol, she's just like the rest, but with a message even more alarming

[ryanripley 86,575]

i'm not really a lyrics person so i never clocked this but this is quite scary  

and worst part is probably the way i just brushed it over as fun music  

[River 91,010]

6 minutes ago, Skai Jackson said:

It's not just about the dance, it's about the song itself in Try.

 

6 minutes ago, Bebe said:

1. Doesn't excuse it

2. Doesn't excuse it

3. I have been in a relationship, of course I have been frustrated at a partner or loved one before, you seem to miss the point though

ok let's go back to Try -

“Where there is a fire there is bound to be a flame/Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned” “But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die/you gotta get up and try try try”

It doesn't mean violence, it means that after you trusted your partner, he/she broke that trust, it can be from cheating or lies about money or whatever, so you "have been burnt" by your partner.. so she simply saying, even if you partner did a mess and everything is burnt, don't give up, forgive and try to move on again and again.

Please Don't Leave Me - the video is just a parody of the movie/book and "Please Don't Leave Me" is kinda matching perfectly to it..

about the lyrics: it's telling a story about a /verbally/ fight between a couple until there is the moment of "I want to breakup" when she says "The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest." she means the one that hits the heart, like saying to your partner the hurting truth "I never liked your legs because they are ugly and I feel ashamed to walk down the road with you"..

3. I'm getting the point because I found my true love and many times after a big fight I was like "oh **** it I want to leave him and go back to my country" and  then I'm like "yes but what about job? a house?" and I don't really want to leave him.. it's just *this* moment of anger..

So this song is just the up and downs of a really strong love and nothing violent here.. I think here you took it a little bit far and out of context..

[Harry 26,836]

This is actually interesting. I honestly never picked up on it but when you think about it, it's almost disturbing how big a part of her "shtick" it is. And it really is presented as humorous and lighthearted in some of her videos which is really weird.

15 minutes ago, River said:

@Bebe

1. Please Don't Leave Me - the video was influenced by the Misery movie/book.

2. Try - it's the Apache dance.. it's supposed to be like that.

3. True Love - I don't know if you were in a relationship but when you love someone, sometimes you want to punch them in the face when they do something stupid or makes you angry because they left the milk out of the fridge again, or some days you feel like "damn I hate him so much I want to leave this place and never see him again" and the next day you just can't leave without him.. I think the song is very real and everyone who's in a relationship can relate to..

I've been in a long term relationship and never wanted to punch them in the face... Angry and frustrated in certain situations yes, but I've never had violent or hateful thoughts. I think that's quite unhealthy.

[Bebe 16,562]

Just now, River said:

 

ok let's go back to Try -

“Where there is a fire there is bound to be a flame/Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned” “But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die/you gotta get up and try try try”

It doesn't mean violence, it means that after you trusted your partner, he/she broke that trust, it can be from cheating or lies about money or whatever, so you "have been burnt" by your partner.. so she simply saying, even if you partner did a mess and everything is burnt, don't give up, forgive and try to move on again and again.

Please Don't Leave Me - the video is just a parody of the movie/book and "Please Don't Leave Me" is kinda matching perfectly to it..

about the lyrics: it's telling a story about a /verbally/ fight between a couple until there is the moment of "I want to breakup" when she says "The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest." she means the one that hits the heart, like saying to your partner the hurting truth "I never liked your legs because they are ugly and I feel ashamed to walk down the road with you"..

3. I'm getting the point because I found my true love and many times after a big fight I was like "oh **** it I want to leave him and go back to my country" and  then I'm like "yes but what about job? a house?" and I don't really want to leave him.. it's just *this* moment of anger..

So this song is just the up and downs of a really strong love and nothing violent here.. I think here you took it a little bit far and out of context..

The first video Please Don't Leave Me still depicts P!nk seriously abusing her partner, it's still depicted as humerous.

She still sings "I can be so mean when I want to be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces".

She still sings "What is it with you that makes me act like this? I've never been this nasty" and described him as her punching bag. The fact that this is based off Misery means nothing. The fact that she is taking the story of Misery and making it a humorous parody where she seriously injures her partner is exactly the problem, domestic violence is not at all funny.

The second video for Try still has P!nk dancing to a routine that uses a mixture of violence and tender embraces during a song that equates passion and love to pain.

About the Apache dance "The dance is sometimes said to reenact a violent "discussion" between a pimp and a prostitute. It includes mock slaps and punches, the man picking up and throwing the woman to the ground, or lifting and carrying her while she struggles or feigns unconsciousness"

Is that a dance that's appropriate about a song that's essentially about a painful relationship where she has to just get up and keep trying? It still sends an awful message. It's still linking violence and conflict with love and passion. It normalises abuse and the fact that she is performing an Apache dance doesn't excuse it, it's still highly inappropriate. Can I mention that my main critique was of the lyric in combination with the video. It's about the context - she is singing about a love that hurts her and how she has to keep trying while she performs a dance where she is punched, kicked, choked, thrown to the ground and dragged around.

The problem with True Love is that she doesn't mention one positive relationship quality. The ONLY reasons she gives for loving Carey in that song is conflict. She again links passion with conflict and violence. The problem with this song isn’t the expression of frustration. Rather, it is the fact that Pink’s negative feelings for her partner are her only proof that she loves him.

[DemeLarell 931]

Considering  some of the songs I write with these themes she could be (and most likely is) taking emotional pain and making it sonically visual. Some people go through these things. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and when I write I write as though it was physical to use as a metaphor for how I felt. 

[Reality 65,741]

I don't think that she's necessarily "normalizing domestic violence". Perhaps she's using her art and her music to bring about attention to these issues? P!nk is a very outspoken individual, so I don't think that she's trying to send messages—intentional or not—about "normalizing domestic violence".

But it is interesting to look back on these songs and really analyze these lyrics. It goes to show that lyrics don't make a song, at all. It's the melody and the beat. I mean, look at a song like Chandelier—by the lovely and ever-so-graceful Sia—it's a song about her alcoholism, but with an upbeat melody like the one it has, it was one of the world's most popular songs.

And, side not on Try. The lyrics: "But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die/you gotta get up and try, try, try” didn't read in my mind as victim-blaming. I always thought it meant that even when you're at your darkest hour, even when you feel like absolute sh*t, people are here to help you and people are here for you. But that's just my interpretation. 

[MJHolland 12,723]

The question is who cares?

Im pretty sure no one has ever been inspired to hit their partner by f*cking Pink for crying out loud, nor has anyone felt the target of one of these songs.