WHY YOUR FAVES KILL? S1 WINNER: FRANCH TOAST

[Hyperobject 66,768]

Just now, Kantakyakirno said:

you're killing me with your gifs and photos. 

[Healed My Heart 39,510]

4 minutes ago, Ororo Munroe said:

SUSPECT #13

MICHAEL JACKSON

@PartySick

Hi, I'm Michael Jackson but you all may know me as the King of Pop, the Gloved One, or simply El Hee Hee. I was born in Gary Indiana to a large family in a small home and grew up to influence every one of your faves. Oh, you don't think I did? Check again.

The only reason I accepted the invitation to this performative little charity event thing is because I heard Lady Gaga was coming and I want my damn jacket back. She's been ducking me all night though. If that hussy thinks she can just take my clothes, wear them to a Hillary Clinton rally, and get away with it then she's been hitting the Jesus juice too hard.

I stopped hearing 13 inch high heels clip-clopping away and knew I had lost her for now so I decided to sit and eat with a few drag queens that I had never met before. The wait staff Sia hired was the best part of the whole thing honestly. My waitress was great. I think she said her name was Annie? Beautiful lady. Anyway, I only ate half the food she put in front of me 'cause these drag queens started talking about how bad they sweat under their outfits and it was giving me flashbacks to the 1980s when I briefly dated Madonna.

I almost gave up looking for Gaga and decided to leave but then Katy Perry started singing. Can you believe she matched and even nearly broke the record I've held for 30 years? Because I can't!

All I could think about while she was singing about kissing a girl was how much my bisexual daughter, Paris, would love to be here...and how much I wished she was here instead of me. But she's off shooting for American Horror Story.

Speaking of horror stories, Katy was about to sing another song but we managed to dodge that bullet. But Sia sure didn't dodge hers, it seems. Now there's blood on the dance floor...and an ugly wig and gun. Damn. There's a killer, chiller, thriller on the loose. Almost makes me want to scream. So dangerous. I hope this smooth criminal will leave me alone. Billie Jean. Let me go make sure that pretty waitress is ok.

Annie, is you good?
Annie?

Is that Gaga?! BITCH COME BACK HERE!

HOW ARE YOU SO FAST IN THOSE STILTS?! I WILL MOONWALK DOWN EVERY HALLWAY TO FIND YOU! GIVE ME MY SH*T!

Yaaaasssss this was a whole journey! 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Healed My Heart

[PartySick 144,782]

2 minutes ago, CyanDante said:

Not @PartySick writing a whole ass biography! 

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Ororo Munroe said:

SUSPECT #12

MUNCHLAX

@Munchlax

Munch Munch everyone, my name is Munchlax! Yes, I am indeed a talking Pokémon, Meowth isn’t the only one that has the ability to talk like a human. A little bit about me; I’m known as the “Big Eater Pokémon”, so you can imagine the hobbies I enjoy partaking in consists of anything to do with sweet, delicious, sneccsy FOOD. I have dined at only the finest restaurants around the world, including Joanne Trattoria even during their rat problem, which I helped fixed by devouring their queen @Rat Boy. I’ve also visited every single one of Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants around the globe. I take pride in being Chef Ramsay’s “favourite customer” because when I go to his fine establishments, I usually order the entire menu and then yell at his staff to bring me more. It tickles him when I harass and abuse them as much as he does. Anyway, that’s enough about me for now. I’m here at Sia’s charity event tonight because, uh, well.. To be honest, I’m just here for the food. I hope you all don’t plan on eating much because I also brought some Tupperware with me tonight so I can bring whatever’s left that I don’t eat from the buffet, home with me and if anyone has a problem with that, I will hyper beam your ass out of here! I’m a growing Pokémon that needs to eat so I can one day become a big, fat Snorlax.

My plus one I brought with me is my husband, @Justin Drew Bieber. 

[Hyperobject 66,768]

SUSPECT #15 

LANA DEL REY

@Born This Way

I was in the winter of my life. It seems no matter how much I pour my soul into my music, everyone only talks about my controversies. Well I’m wearing a mask now, aren’t I?! God forbid I put my foot in my mouth one or twice, here or there. People always focus on the wrong thing. Which is why I should not be a suspect. Sia and I are both alternative, delicate women. Maybe she deserved it after that clownish representation of autism with Music and her tone deaf defense of Shia LaBeouf. She and I were two misunderstood, unusual girls, living in shades of blue, who couldn’t escape those unforgiving hack writers and the bitches on Twitter. I wanted to show my friend some sisterly support in this trying time so I put my red dress on tonight and showed up for her. We were both f**king crazy. But we were free.

 

[Franch Toast 25,900]

@PartySick's Michael Jackson is obviously the killer, which is why he left his glove behind. 

But the again: "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit."

 

[PartySick 144,782]

Just now, Franch Toast said:

"If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit."

Most sequin gloves are "one size fits all"

[Mother of Puppies 35,577]

10 minutes ago, CyanDante said:

Hey, are you Italian, by any chance? 

 

9 minutes ago, Rahrahbitchson said:

But is she ITALIAN OR NO?

 

I figured that for once I should not mention this small detail. Now, where's the pasta?

Edited September 22, 2021 by Mother of Puppies

[Hyperobject 66,768]

SUSPECT #16 

MIRANDA SINGS

@littlepotter

Hey gays it's me Miranda Sings singer dancer actor model magitchian. I ocourts am a celebety so sia invited me to her celebaty event and ocourts i was the star of show. I was bisy arguing with ariana gronday about her horrendes vocals when i heard a shot which reminded me of when i shot my oncle in the nee. So anyways i screamed a hi note even hiyer than ariona granny which shatered all the glasses around me cuz my voice is powefol like that. And then i look yonder and i see seeya's ragedy wig on the ground with tomato soce all over. So i laughed and went to eat some weiners but then they told me she probly died. Rip in piss

[Anveeroy 57,865]

All the suspects around me-

 

[Hyperobject 66,768]

SUSPECT #17

MIRANDA PRIESTLY

@Sofianer

Hey everyone, my name is Miranda Priestly editor-in-chief of Runway Magazine. Sia invited me over so we could chat up about including an article on her successful hairdressing business on the magazine and now she's.... dead 

Has anyone seen Andrea?

[Teletubby 134,050]

6 minutes ago, Ororo Munroe said:

*yuh*

yuh, it could be her 

[Hyperobject 66,768]

Just now, Teletubby said:

yuh, it could be her 

NOOOOOOOOOO 

[SharkmanthaC 111,576]

9 minutes ago, alsemanche said:

lemme join you bestie

 

[CyanDante 5,845]

3 minutes ago, Ororo Munroe said:

SUSPECT #16 

MIRANDA SINGS

@littlepotter

Hey gays it's me Miranda Sings singer dancer actor model magitchian. I ocourts am a celebety so sia invited me to her celebaty event and ocourts i was the star of show. I was bisy arguing with ariana gronday about her horrendes vocals when i heard a shot which reminded me of when i shot my oncle in the nee. So anyways i screamed a hi note even hiyer than ariona granny which shatered all the glasses around me cuz my voice is powefol like that. And then i look yonder and i see seeya's ragedy wig on the ground with tomato soce all over. So i laughed and went to eat some weiners but then they told me she probly died. Rip in piss

Even if she isn't the murderer, can they be murdered? Asking for a friend. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by CyanDante