US pastor on leave after sexist sermon

[gothicdream 39,660]

25 minutes ago, PEZ said:

Sorry to get super-personal, but the stuff that this guy says terrifies me -- it's a big part of why I'm anorexic, because I'm so afraid that most people think the exact same way he does (but they just don't usually say it out loud):

In his sermon, he explained that women need to lose weight and submit to the sexual desires of their husbands to keep the men from straying.

Clark also said wives need to wear makeup, dress nicely, have nice hair and appear less “butch.”

Clark continued to ask why women “let themselves go after marriage” and reiterated that men only marry for good looks and sex.

Clark also claimed this topic is “so important” that a friend of his has put a weight limit on his wife before he would divorce her.

[source - link]

Like... how much of this is true or widely accepted?? I'm so afraid of my husband never touching me again or even leaving me if I ever try to get back up to a healthy weight from being underweight I've heard SO MANY guys talk about their GFs/wives like this SO OFTEN my entire life.

You deserve to be loved wholly and unconditionally in any version of your body. It took over 30 years for me to begin to truly believe that as someone that has struggled with binge eating disorder and lots of ups and downs in my weight over the years. 

If you feel comfortable, my advice would be to share your fears with your husband. Talking openly about body image in my relationship has created so much more intimacy between us. It really helps alleviate the intense shame we can feel about our bodies, especially as people struggling with EDs.

[PEZ 6,633]

15 minutes ago, littlepotter said:

Sweetheart! **** that man! If your husband is like that it would be a good riddance to get rid of him. Before you marry someone you should be comfortable enough to at least ask him this question. So remember to do it.

Yes he promises me he does not think the same way as this pastor, and I wouldn't have married him in the first place if he was as blatantly nasty as this pastor, and spoke so poorly of others like him -- it's more that the illness is always giving me doubts, like "bish you suuuure about that? your Hubs says that, but look how often you heard otherwise from people all your life..." So it's a tug of war on who to believe and fear usually wins over. I want to pretend I can trust both the illness and my husband at the same time but really they are at odds, I should be brave enough to believe my husband...

I read the article together with my husband. He's a pretty devout Presbyterian, and I'm an atheist who was raised Roman Catholic, and we both remarked on "Uhhh so how does this sermon relate to learning and practicing Scripture at all?" Pastor dude is NOT very Christ-like... Sounded more like a lazy stand-up routine that bombed.

[littlepotter 76,624]

1 hour ago, PEZ said:

Yes he promises me he does not think the same way as this pastor, and I wouldn't have married him in the first place if he was as blatantly nasty as this pastor, and spoke so poorly of others like him -- it's more that the illness is always giving me doubts, like "bish you suuuure about that? your Hubs says that, but look how often you heard otherwise from people all your life..." So it's a tug of war on who to believe and fear usually wins over. I want to pretend I can trust both the illness and my husband at the same time but really they are at odds, I should be brave enough to believe my husband...

I read the article together with my husband. He's a pretty devout Presbyterian, and I'm an atheist who was raised Roman Catholic, and we both remarked on "Uhhh so how does this sermon relate to learning and practicing Scripture at all?" Pastor dude is NOT very Christ-like... Sounded more like a lazy stand-up routine that bombed.

Oh you are already married, didn't get that. I'm glad you have talked together about it and that you are in a healthy relationship  Mental issues are just horrible and I'm so sorry you have to go through that.

[CCSir 410]

2 hours ago, PEZ said:

Like... how much of this is true or widely accepted?? I'm so afraid of my husband never touching me again or even leaving me if I ever try to get back up to a healthy weight from being underweight I've heard SO MANY guys talk about their GFs/wives like this SO OFTEN my entire life.

Awww, none of this is true. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and your health is definitely the top priority over all else. If a husband can't accept that, he simply doesn't deserve his wife. Please always keep in mind you're worth a lot more than all of these sexist, disparaging remarks. 

[PEZ 6,633]

Thank you all for the encouraging comments, I am really grateful for you all!! Sorry to distract from the point of the thread**, I was worrying out loud there and I hope I didn't come off like I was begging for attention with that personal post.

I will try to bring this article up in my therapy session tomorrow. As much as I will want to talk to my therapist about how this sermon's content seems like confirmation of all of my worst fears, I will also make time to say that kind people reached out to me to reassure me that not everyone thinks that way, and my fears aren't actually confirmed! It helps me fight the illness to remember that and have examples to counter my fears. Thank you all so much! It really does help and make a difference!

(**Actually, in a way I guess it does lead back to the point, stated in a wonderfully succinct manner here: )

2 hours ago, GagaSine said:

this is how sexism and misogyny destroys lives

 

[C1trus 4,341]

10 hours ago, Economy said:

My family is also predomiantly christian and none of them would support a speech like this not even close

My family is Catholic and all of the priests I had attended to all my life (that I remembered) never had a speech like that of the pastor.