Kidz Bop writer suffers breakdown failing to write kid version of "WAP"

[KatieJudasGaga4 67,907]

Jeanette Cummings, 41, was rushed to the hospital with symptoms of a total nervous breakdown after being contracted to write a clean, kid-oriented version of Cardi B hit ‘WAP’.

“At first I tried writing about a cat that fell in the bath, but the overtones remained highly sexual,” Cummings muttered. “Then I thought gardening would be a more appropriate topic, but I realized a refrain of ‘There’s a hose in this house’ doesn’t make things any better.”

“Somehow all everyday objects sound like innuendo now,” added Cummings, nervously eying her laptop charger.

“After spending hours trying to come with an alternative acronym – Waffles And Pancakes? Walk All Puppies? – I settled on Warm Apple Pie. However, the horror of kids singing ‘Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me’ sent me into a panic. I passed out. At least my attempts weren’t as bad as when The Wiggles tried teaching basic anatomy with a cover of Khia’s ‘My Neck, My Back. Complete nightmare.”

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2020/08/kidz-bop-writer-suffers-nervous-breakdown-after-failing-to-write-kid-friendly-version-of-wap/

[Mirrion Rizzons 10,871]

Why did I know exactly what song this was gonna be about 

[papergangster 2,745]

Is this real life!? Omg 

[Renie 7,909]

Now is probably a good time for her to retire 

[Chromatica Island 8,517]

Is this a real news story? 

[My Name Isnt Alice 3,737]

How about chores ?

[POP2 4,206]

Please tell me you know that “The Beaverton” is a satire news site

[Marilyn MonHoe 9,893]

That article had me howling 

[petty 9,412]

please  

[Rat Boy 43,467]

 

[ThisGuyTony 30,123]

The fact her name is Jeanette Cummings.

[Doot 2]

The way I had to check if the link was from The Onion 

[FrederickSpears 2,113]

2020 really is something

[KatieJudasGaga4 67,907]

44 minutes ago, POP2 said:

Please tell me you know that “The Beaverton” is a satire news site

I didn't know that

 

Anyways, this is fake guys, my apologies

[River 116,132]

5 minutes ago, KatieJudasGaga4 said:

I didn't know that

 

Anyways, this is fake guys, my apologies

thread of the year