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RuPaul Gets Candid About Open Marriage, Calls Monogamy a 'Hoax'

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August3
15 minutes ago, adammonroe said:

With all due respect but that sounds dumb. It depends on the individual, but you CAN desire someone else in a sexual way, it has happened to me when I was with the man I have loved the most and still love, I adored him, but I realized that sometimes I fantaszied with other people and that's okay. 

I'm just tired of gays promoting this idea of monogamy being a hoax. It's not just Ru. It makes those of us, who want monogamy into the "weird ones" and promote the stereotype of gay people not being able to have a "normal relationship" and instead just sleeping around. 

Edited by August3
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Goodtimes12128

I think what's harder to believe is Rupaul getting on grindr and inviting some trick over to play. Or is he going to a swingers event? So many questions...

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littlepotter
3 hours ago, StrawberryBlond said:

It would be very difficult not to promote or any in any way show monogamous relationships, it's what the majority of couples are in, after all. I'm all for only promoting the healthiest relationships that have a high degree of morality. I don't like to see anything advertised that encourages people to be promiscuous (hook up apps) or cheat (infidelity based dating sites) or to see people as pieces of meat (strip clubs). Maybe that makes me old-fashioned, but I think it just makes me healthy. I don't like to pursue things that can bring a lot of hardship and pain and open relationships frequently cause a lot of hurt. If people want to do it, they're free to, but I don't think it's something that should be promoted and encouraged.

In addition to the jealousy, it sounds exhausting and even me with my one track mind can't understand how someone can have their whole life revolving around thinking of sex all the time with other people. Most couples struggle to make time for each other what with all their life commitments. To attempt to make time for anyone other than your romantic partner sounds like a mammoth undertaking. I don't really even understand how single people find the time to sleep around, much less how you hold down a relationship with one person while pursuing others.

Thing is, most of the things you're saying in the first paragraph are almost exact things that have been said against gay relationships. "What most people do" isn't a valid way to judge most things and it really undermines minorities. Most people being straight doesn't make gay people immoral, and so on.

Also you mentioned, "how someone can have their whole life revolving around thinking of sex all the time with other people." That is just... not it at all. I already mentioned an example that for me, I've been in an open relationship for a year and have never done anything with anyone other than my partner (despite it being readily available). I don't know why you're choosing to take it as "I want to **** as many people who are not you as I can". It's much more like "this really hot guy offered me sex, I think I wanna try what's that like, would you mind?" every once in a while.

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DziJuLaj
2 hours ago, August3 said:

I'm just tired of gays promoting this idea of monogamy being a hoax. It's not just Ru. It makes those of us, who want monogamy into the "weird ones" and promote the stereotype of gay people not being able to have a "normal relationship" and instead just sleeping around. 

I was talking to a gender studies professor and she told me about an interesting research. They found out the polygamy/open relationships are so trendy in LGBT community and especially within older gays and those gays who were not able to come out at teenage years, because they did not have the opportunity (which a lot of straight people have) to have fun when they were young. And this is why they are not looking for stabilisation. It’s a little bit like the Peter Pan syndrome. Fortunately she said that it changes within new generations and the percent of normal relationships in LGBT community is getting higher. Naturally (I might be wrong with the number) 6% of all people are into polygamy and probably at some point the number of gay people who stay in open relationships will be the same. 

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StrawberryBlond
5 minutes ago, littlepotter said:

Thing is, most of the things you're saying in the first paragraph are almost exact things that have been said against gay relationships. "What most people do" isn't a valid way to judge most things and it really undermines minorities. Most people being straight doesn't make gay people immoral, and so on.

Also you mentioned, "how someone can have their whole life revolving around thinking of sex all the time with other people." That is just... not it at all. I already mentioned an example that for me, I've been in an open relationship for a year and have never done anything with anyone other than my partner (despite it being readily available). I don't know why you're choosing to take it as "I want to **** as many people who are not you as I can". It's much more like "this really hot guy offered me sex, I think I wanna try what's that like, would you mind?" every once in a while.

Not really relevant to compare it to gay relationships because they're of course fine as there's nothing unhealthy about them. I just said "what most people do" not to suggest it's automatically right but rather a realistic take on why we focus on making monogamy the norm. It's what most people want, it's what most people do, so therefore, it will be the most visible type of relationship. There's no denying it's the healthiest relationship to be in, so it's the one that's the most desirable.

Of course not all people in open relationships think about sex all the time but there are those who do and have had it off with multiple people and the other one hasn't and they feel so put out by it. That doesn't seem healthy to me at all. Your take on it sounds a lot better, if rather unnecessary since you're not actively looking for anyone. Maybe it's just because I have no luck romantically at all that I can't fathom how people do it. I don't get offers of any kind, ever. Men just don't approach me. I genuinely don't understand how people start dating if they didn't go down the online dating route. No one seems to want to connect or talk or approach anyone, so far as I can see. So to try to find people who wanted it with me would be a full time job for me. I just want one person to want me, I'd be more than grateful for that. To then be told that I wasn't enough for them and they want sex with other women every now and again would hurt me so bad. And as far as I'm concerned, when you're in a relationship, having sex with that person is your only option. It's all very well for me to want to do it with anyone as a single person but if I were with someone, I'd naturally only want to do it with them because that's kinda what you're with them for.

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littlepotter
3 hours ago, StrawberryBlond said:

Not really relevant to compare it to gay relationships because they're of course fine as there's nothing unhealthy about them. I just said "what most people do" not to suggest it's automatically right but rather a realistic take on why we focus on making monogamy the norm. It's what most people want, it's what most people do, so therefore, it will be the most visible type of relationship. There's no denying it's the healthiest relationship to be in, so it's the one that's the most desirable.

Of course not all people in open relationships think about sex all the time but there are those who do and have had it off with multiple people and the other one hasn't and they feel so put out by it. That doesn't seem healthy to me at all. Your take on it sounds a lot better, if rather unnecessary since you're not actively looking for anyone. Maybe it's just because I have no luck romantically at all that I can't fathom how people do it. I don't get offers of any kind, ever. Men just don't approach me. I genuinely don't understand how people start dating if they didn't go down the online dating route. No one seems to want to connect or talk or approach anyone, so far as I can see. So to try to find people who wanted it with me would be a full time job for me. I just want one person to want me, I'd be more than grateful for that. To then be told that I wasn't enough for them and they want sex with other women every now and again would hurt me so bad. And as far as I'm concerned, when you're in a relationship, having sex with that person is your only option. It's all very well for me to want to do it with anyone as a single person but if I were with someone, I'd naturally only want to do it with them because that's kinda what you're with them for.

I think we can agree that both types of relationships have their good and bad examples. 

Part of me thinks open relationships work more for gay couples because we're both the same gender. So if I really want to have sex with some guy the other guy will understand because he can also see why i'd be attracted? And we'd also understand each other sexually a lot better than a straight couple because we both experience more or less the same things. In straight relationships I believe the power dynamics are different and I'd expect a woman to be more jealous about her man wanting to have sex with another woman.

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StrawberryBlond
On 1/15/2020 at 1:32 AM, littlepotter said:

I think we can agree that both types of relationships have their good and bad examples. 

Part of me thinks open relationships work more for gay couples because we're both the same gender. So if I really want to have sex with some guy the other guy will understand because he can also see why i'd be attracted? And we'd also understand each other sexually a lot better than a straight couple because we both experience more or less the same things. In straight relationships I believe the power dynamics are different and I'd expect a woman to be more jealous about her man wanting to have sex with another woman.

You're quite right about the differences in implication for straight couples. For most women, we see men who want to be open as being the classic man who just wants to have his cake and eat it too. Particularly if you're the kind of woman who bends over backwards to give a man everything he could possibly want. It's no surprise that it's usually the man who suggests being open because society encourages men to believe they're entitled to any woman they want and that their life isn't complete until they've done a fair amount of sleeping around (whatever that amount is seeing as it varies from man to man). Women, meanwhile, are encouraged to save themselves for someone special, view every partner as potentially The One and stick with a man who's proven to be mature and reliable. So, when we've done all that and think we've found the right man and he tells us that he doesn't want to be exclusive anymore, it makes us feel like nothing we ever do is enough. This is why "I gave that man everything" is a frequent cry from women after a break up. 

There are only 2 genuinely valid reasons that I could see for an open relationship in my eyes. The first is that your partner has endured an accident that means sex is either extremely difficult or impossible (or was born that way) and doesn't want to leave you sexually unfulfilled (plenty of couples work through this but I can see why some can't). The second is that when you are both 100% perfect for each other with the only difference being that you have a much higher sex drive and specific sexual preferences that don't appeal to your partner and they don't want you to be sexually unfulfilled. Honestly, that second one is a situation that I'd be worried about entering because I don't like the thought of doing it with someone who I don't love even if the person who I love can't give me what I want. But if you don't fit into either of those categories, it's hard not to see it as just wanting to have it all.

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