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RuPaul Gets Candid About Open Marriage, Calls Monogamy a 'Hoax'

littlepotter
2 hours ago, FlopSlurper said:

Except monogamy is progressive, just like people used to go around ****ing family members and being naked, they had no concept of a relationship. We progressed to not practice incest, to wear clothes and to commit to relationships.

I don't support hookups, even though this has 0 correlation with someone being in a relationship and going around ****ing others. Amongst other things, a relationship is commitment, you going around ****ing whoever takes away the commitment aspect of it.

I couldn't care less what people do with their partners, but for Ru and anyone for that matter to go around spouting **** that monogamy is fake or whatever, then of course I'm gonna call her out on her bs. Just because she doesn't follow it, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. This is like a straight person saying a person can never be gay, just because they don't understand it, and vice versa. 

There's nothing wrong with divorce/breakups, better than being stuck in a failed relationship. The "infidelity" part is funny, because how is ****ing someone while you're with someone else any different than cheating, except for letting your partner know in advance. Like hey do you agree to be in an open relationship with me so we can both cheat freely. 

We definitely agree that Ru is talking nonsense, and the straight example you gave is a great one. That's what I said in my first post.

As for the rest, you insist on maintaining your own interpretation of open relationships and ignoring mine, which is weird considering I'm actually in one and you've (obviously) never been/refuse to be. Clearly you're not changing your mind but out of respect for myself I'll have to reiterate a few points:

-An open relationship is not "****ing around". I've been in one for half a year, yet til today neither me and my boyfriend have had other sexual partners. The "open" refers to open-mindedness regarding the other's sexual fantasies, not open legs for whoever may please. You are slut-shaming me when I've only ever had one partner. (Not taking it personally of course, but for the sake of argumentation since what you're saying does apply) Just because my boyfriend and I agree that we may allow each other to experiment sexually if we eventually feel like it, doesn't mean we're sex-crazed whores who can't commit. We're actually just trying to avoid a potential break-up by agreeing that our relationship goes way beyond physical. He's my best friend, and we also happen to be attracted to each other. It's that simple.

-Cheating means lying to your partner or being involved with someone behind their back. How am I cheating on my partner if I tell him let's say I've always fantasized about an older guy and want to experience that? You do realize you'd still be required to talk to your partner first and ask if that is okay. That's where the "relationship" part comes in. I'm pretty sure your idea of this is, we call each other boyfriends but we can just do whatever we want with no restrictions. Quite similar to how homophobes think a gay guy is interested in and wants to have sex with every man in the room. It's not that at all, or else it wouldn't be a relationship. We tell each other everything and I honestly find the idea of him being with someone else really attractive. Of course, if eventually we find that this is doing more harm than good to our relationship it's as easy as agreeing to close the relationship and not consider other partners, or breaking up but remaining on good terms. I'd much rather be with someone who I'm completely honest with, and talk to about my sexual fantasies freely, than hide them and feel guilty for it and eventually break up.

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Battle 4 Ur Life
8 hours ago, elijahfan said:

They’ve been together for decades, so maybe you should take notes? :ohwell:

why would I care tho? they have an open relationship. they can call it whatever they want. I’m talking about a monogamic marriage. the fact they call it marriage doesn’t give him the right to say monogamy can’t exist. she’s wrong imo.

besides only they know how “together” they are. you are just assuming from the media. this is all very private. What I mean is I don’t care about what Rupaul defines marriage.

and that’s that

Edited by D0P3
that's gossip.

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elijahfan
9 minutes ago, D0P3 said:

why would I care tho? they have an open relationship. they can call it whatever they want. I’m talking about a monogamic marriage. the fact they call it marriage doesn’t give him the right to say monogamy can’t exist. she’s wrong imo.

besides only they know how “together” they are. you are just assuming from the media.

Can't everyone be entitled to their own opinions? Nobody is right or wrong here. I'm just saying that he might be worth being listened to, since marriage seems to be working for him.

Edited by elijahfan
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Battle 4 Ur Life
1 minute ago, elijahfan said:

Can't everyone be entitled to their own opinions? Nobody is right or wrong here. I'm just saying that he might be worth being listened, since marriage seems to be working for him.

you can, I can he/they can.

I just don’t think that would work for me. I’m not judging. If it is for him then great. but I have doubts.

that’s why I say I wouldn’t listen to what he says about marriage because I consider it to be monogamous. (not monogamic lol)

an open relationship for me is something else.

but yeah everyone is entitled theirs

that's gossip.
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elijahfan
1 minute ago, D0P3 said:

you can, I can he/they can.

I just don’t think that would work for me. I’m not judging. If it is for him then great. but I have doubts.

that’s why I say I wouldn’t listen to what he says about marriage because I consider it to be monogamous. (not monogamic lol)

an open relationship for me is something else.

but yeah everyone is entitled theirs

I am myself pretty torn on the subject. So I'm making it less complicated by staying single :laughga:

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Battle 4 Ur Life
3 minutes ago, elijahfan said:

I am myself pretty torn on the subject. So I'm making it less complicated by staying single :laughga:

I’m right there with you. mte.

that's gossip.
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Regina George
10 hours ago, littlepotter said:

It wouldn't be as funny

tenor.gif

Well it’s not funny ether way but hey you tried! :diane:

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Regina George
3 hours ago, FlopSlurper said:

Except monogamy is progressive, just like people used to go around ****ing family members and being naked, they had no concept of a relationship. We progressed to not practice incest, to wear clothes and to commit to relationships.

 

I don't support hookups, even though this has 0 correlation with someone being in a relationship and going around ****ing others. Amongst other things, a relationship is commitment, you going around ****ing whoever takes away the commitment aspect of it.

I couldn't care less what people do with their partners, but for Ru and anyone for that matter to go around spouting **** that monogamy is fake or whatever, then of course I'm gonna call her out on her bs. Just because she doesn't follow it, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. This is like a straight person saying a person can never be gay, just because they don't understand it, and vice versa. 

There's nothing wrong with divorce/breakups, better than being stuck in a failed relationship. The "infidelity" part is funny, because how is ****ing someone while you're with someone else any different than cheating, except for letting your partner know in advance. Like hey do you agree to be in an open relationship with me so we can both cheat freely. 

highresrollsafe.jpg

You are literally one of the nicest and smartest members on GGD and I stand by what I said. You are never rude and always nicely respond to everyone except when they come for you (and even then you are not necessarily rude). I stan you so much! :applause:

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gagzus
13 hours ago, Lumi said:

I guess asexual people are also a hoax. I don't think he means wrong here, but invalidating other people's relationship because it's not like yours isn't a bit intolerant? Now I haven't seen the video or know the way he said it but based on what's on the OP this is Ru being closed-minded once again.

I think he means by “the hoax” is the expectations in life that Heterosexual people rule because heterosexual couples made up the rules of life that gay people so desperately follow nowadays and I agree with him tbh. We’re given the gift of being LGBT+ and see the world from an outsider perspective yet we still try to be like them. We don’t have to be tied to marriage, children, provide for a family till we die. 

2012ga is my aesthetic
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littlepotter
14 minutes ago, ReginaGeorge said:

Well it’s not funny ether way but hey you tried! :diane:

 

click... you won't regret https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uvz2DrqbjLo
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FlopSlurper
14 minutes ago, littlepotter said:

An open relationship is not "****ing around". I've been in one for half a year, yet til today neither me and my boyfriend have had other sexual partners. The "open" refers to open-mindedness regarding the other's sexual fantasies, not open legs for whoever may please. You are slut-shaming me when I've only ever had one partner. (Not taking it personally of course, but for the sake of argumentation since what you're saying does apply) Just because my boyfriend and I agree that we may allow each other to experiment sexually if we eventually feel like it, doesn't mean we're sex-crazed whores who can't commit.

Just to clarify, I wasn't talking about you specifically, I was talking about open relationships in general, which does involve people ****ing around. Also nowhere in any of my posts did I mention anything about being sex-crazed. It's more-so the "can't commit" part that I'm talking about. If you can't keep your penis for your partner then this isn't committing.

1 hour ago, littlepotter said:

We're actually just trying to avoid a potential break-up by agreeing that our relationship goes way beyond physical.

If someone thinks they'd cheat then maybe they aren't ready to be in a relationship to begin with. Of course people in monogamous relationships do find others attractive etc but they would never act on it. The way I see it is you can have love for your family and friends etc, you can spend time with many people, you can trust in your friends but sex is the only thing you can do with your partner and if even this you do with others then what's left to make a relationship..a relationship.

1 hour ago, littlepotter said:

He's my best friend, and we also happen to be attracted to each other. It's that simple.

This is why the term "friend with benefits" exists.

Anyways my first post wasn't intended to offend you or people in open-relationships. It was aimed at Ru and people that try to dismiss monogamous relationship by saying it doesn't exist or like someone else said by telling them they'll never find someone if they stick to monogamy, like-. Which is why I said yes I think open-relationships are a mess but people that invalidate monogamy are the worst.

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bloody grammys

he just wants attention

『𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝』

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StrawberryBlond

Putting down a form of love just because it doesn't personally work for you is not cool. I thought the LGBT community more than anyone else would know that. If monogamy really was a hoax, literally nobody would be able to do it but many do. A hoax implies it's impossible, not even real. You can call it a social construct because that's technically true but a hoax is a completely different thing. Doesn't really help the negative portrayal of gay men as unable to commit due to being too sexually driven either.

Personally, I find that the majority of open relationships have their issues and they don't last as long as monogamous ones. You may say that polyamory is natural but so is jealousy. I don't believe that anyone is truly ok with the thought of their partner having sex with someone else. If you wanted them to be your romantic partner, that's a sign that you think this relationship means something more, otherwise, you'd choose them to simply be your friend. If you want to do a relationship where you can have sex with others, why not just have a friends with benefits arrangement? That way, you don't have to feel guilty about being with others and you're not hurting the other person because you're not romantically involved. Some people think open relationships will be easy because they did friends with benefits before but then find it's like night and day. It's a completely different ball game when you're romantically involved with someone while knowing they're doing the most intimate act with other people. My question is to anyone who is in a open relationship is - why call yourselves a couple at all? Why can't you simply be friends who live together and have sex? Because that would be a far more apt description of what you're doing. A romantic relationship without fidelity removes probably the most crucial part of its definition. If there's no fidelity, why call it a romantic relationship at all? It's odd that basically the only difference between them being your friend and your lover is that you have sex. The whole point of pursuing romance is that it involves doing stuff that you don't do with anyone else, otherwise, why bother pursuing it?

4 hours ago, FlopSlurper said:

Except monogamy is progressive, just like people used to go around ****ing family members and being naked, they had no concept of a relationship. We progressed to not practice incest, to wear clothes and to commit to relationships.

That's a very good way of explaining it, I never thought about it that way. I've never seen anyone try to say that monogamy is actually a fairly modern idea before but props to you for doing it. True, people did really awful sexual practices back in the day before laws and new norms came in to protect us. You could marry children and there was no law against all forms of sexual abuse. The fact we've got to a time where it's understood that you should only pursue sexual relationships with consenting adults who aren't related to you and should be faithful to one person is actually more modern than we think and shows that we've grown to develop self control, more empathy and a conscience.

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Gagaloo911

Yikes. 

The intolerance jumped out. 

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littlepotter
24 minutes ago, FlopSlurper said:

If you can't keep your penis for your partner then this isn't committing.

Sex is the only thing you can do with your partner and if even this you do with others then what's left to make a relationship..a relationship.

I guess I see now where you're coming from and I think our differences narrow down to these two statements. I personally don't find sex to be the distinguishing part of a relationship. I can see why other people would, but not really for me. It's just flesh. I feel like we have more energy to spend on things that matter to us when sex is removed from the forefront, for example helping each other with our mental health.

Like, consider an asexual in a relationship, or a disabled person who cannot use their genitals. Are their relationships inherently devoid of importance because sex is absent? What about elder people who can't or don't want to "do it" anymore? Just some examples of relationships where sex isn't the main part. 

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