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Stefani Tee
my experience

Enigma helped me love myself

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Bradley

The date I attended was 31 January, so this isn't exactly something that happened recently. But if anything, letting the effect of the show grow is testament to its brilliance. Some of you may have encountered me claiming how it changed my life, but I never explained why, simply stating that 'it is a story for another day'. Cause frankly it's not a short story. I'm going to try to explain how this happened in the most concise manner possible.

Depression and Contemplation of Suicide

Something very tragic happened to me earlier, and it was the most tectonic event that had happened in my life. But without it, I would never experience such a healing process as significant as Enigma gave me. I am tempted to say that the tragedy was destructive, but it was temporary. Enigma's effects, on the other hand, might be of permanent use to me. It took me months, maybe even a year to truly recover from depression. It affected my studies, my daily routine, how I perceived work and prospect of life. My life turned grey and for a long time, I was just wandering aimlessly in life, not knowing what to do, not wanting to study, not wanting to work. I always knew deep down that it was wrong to be so stagnant, but I couldn't overcome the inertia and I always 'waited for the perfect opportunity', which never came. I tried going back to school, but it always ended up on me quitting. I always thought that I was just lazy. Sometimes my family justify the situation for me, they say 'Well you need to be easy on yourself cause you were depressed.' and I always say 'No I'm just lazy.' But right now as I look back in hindsight, it was depression that inhibited my work ethic, I do have to be easy on myself, because only then will I be able to move on. So I did.

How Enigma saved me: The Professionalism, Discipline and Quality exhibited by Gaga

I just want to remind you that I remained spoiler-free up until my show. I didn't know what songs she was going to perform, how the visuals looked like, I didn't even know it was theatrical, no idea about the acting, the ScheiBe robot, the descending from the ceiling, the outfits and wigs, the lights, the backdrops. None.  Some of you might not believe in the power of remaining spoiler-free, but it does make your experience considerably more enjoyable. Some members did however say that it was even more enjoyable upon second or third visits. First of all, I went into the theater thinking it was just going to be another concert. I attended the Joanne World Tour, Witness: The Tour, Man of the Woods Tour, On the Run II Tour, Britney: Piece of Me and while I found them enjoyable, they were just parties and temporary escapism to me.

I walked out of the theater feeling like it was the best show ever made in history. I know this sounds implausible right now but that was the very opinion I felt when it ended. My mom went with me, and she said "I can't believe anyone doing a show better than her (with this one)." We both LOVED the Joanne World Tour, but the fact that Enigma was able to top it, is truly something else. It was the first theatrical Gaga show I attended, since JWT wasn't, we didn't expect her to descend from behind us, act with a talking screen, serve probably the most intricate backdrops and immersive visuals I've ever seen among all the artists, come out on top of a fcking robot, and nail the dance moves from start to finish like she never spent a breath. It was like I was transported into a sci-fi movie, and I could feel the heat from the flames of Judas, and the entire show was just a psychedelic trip. The choreography was also new to me cause Ricky made lots of changes. I actually loved all the outfits and wigs, I genuinely do. My mom, who is not even a fan like some of you are, said 'She looked absolutely beautiful and radiant.' I was impressed she said that cause she always said she preferred the ASIB/Joanne Gaga over BTW/TFM visuals. And I told her this show was going to be wild and crazy, and she said 'Not sure if I'm going to like it.' The last time I checked, my mother and I both saw the very same wigs and outfits that you guys see. She's no expert in fashion or makeup. She saw the same blue wigs, the same silver metallic, neon green, Egyptian-inspired, purple-silk, yellow latex outfits that you saw. But for some reason, we thought she looked beautiful the entire night.

She was busy with the Golden Globes, Critics' Choice, SAG, Grammys and Oscars in that period. The fact that she was able to juggle between handling so many high profile events, rehearse not just for Enigma but also Jazz & Piano, was astounding to me. I remember thinking, 'what am I doing with my life?' She was able to do so many things at once without compromising quality and I just felt angry at myself for staying stagnant for so long. I am witnessing glory and greatness before me and I remember thinking that once this was over, I wanted to give my everything to everything I do. I felt ashamed at how little I contributed to my work. How little discipline I exhibited. That's what the surface of Enigma provided me with.

The Underlying Message of the Show: Love Yourself

I didn't even know this was a problem until I attended the show. But apparently I was really suppressed by the fear of other people's opinions. I didn't allow myself to do whatever I wanted, didn't allow myself to express freely. I didn't love myself, because I thought I should conform to what society wants me to do.

During Million Reasons, You and I and Shallow, she said 'When you walk out of this theater, don't you love me more, love yourself more.' 'If you have a friend suffering from mental illness. help them. Don't be afraid to be kind and show love. If you are suffering from mental illness, don't be afraid to tell someone. If you have a friend who loves you, don't you ever let them go.' I remember bawling uncontrollably to these words, and I wasn't even depressed at that time, I had recovered already (or so I thought). It was as if Gaga awakened the deepest secrets within me and forced me to confront them. Just not long before I wanted to die and the people around me left me because of that. And to know that there is someone out there who thinks mentally ill people deserve love and care, was just news to me. And immediately as I woke up the next day, I felt confident. I celebrated myself and I think I was genuinely happy in a long time.

Apparently Gaga wasn't the only person who helped achieve that. Enigma did too. "We protect the parts of you that feel misunderstood. Every person has one (Enigma)." I'm sorry but the story to Enigma was everything to me. I remember people SCREAMED at the part 'misunderstood'. I feel like I was grouped with people who share a sense of solidarity. I didn't dress up but I was very inspired by how fearless other little monsters were. Only at Gaga show can you see this. Also I loved how the story started with Gaga's early days (BDR, TF, DITD, JD, LG, PF) before transitioning into the dangers and darkness of fame. (Paparazzi, Aura, ScheiBe, Judas, GH), before going back to the 'healing place' - rehabilitation. I feel like people don't give the story development enough credit.

The Aftermath: Work and Studies, Religion, Spirituality

I started to pick up courses and I don't think I've ever had such a fulfilling learning experience in my life. Work and studies didn't feel like burden or chores anymore. They started to feel like passion. I enjoy what I do. I started to work out and my physique has improved so much ever since. I started to give my 100% in everything I do, and my performance has improved. Being a Christian myself, I always had doubts in the existence of God, but I feel like for the first time in my life, I felt God taking care of me. I never was baptised for the same reason, but for the first time in my life, I can firmly say that, I want to be a baptised Christian. I started to believe in the power of prayers. The people around me noticed that I looked 'more radiant' than before, I didn't tell them why and how, but I know how, and it wouldn't have been possible without Gaga and Enigma. It was one of the most expensive trips I'd made for myself, but what I gained in exchange was priceless.

lady-gaga-performs-during-her-enigma-res

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Ally Campana

Sending love and light your way. Hope you get better each day. :heart::heart::heart:

Edited by Ally Campana
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TheSlash

That's such a beautiful story and I wish you that this feeling will never go away for you :kara:  :heart:

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Judas Society

Much love to you. We all have our ups and downs. I believe Gaga is focusing a lot on the message of kindness and love because she is still in that position where she is taking care of herself. But she felt she has a different responsibility being one of the biggest pop star of the world, with the platform that she has she knew there are people out there who is going through similar things to what she is going through personally. 

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Didymus

I'm very happy to read all of that. Of course I disagree with some bits, like how "She was able to do so many things at once without compromising quality" :messga: Imo she's doing the exact opposite but ok.

A story like yours shows that we can all bicker about whether or not Enigma, or any other show, is good but what really matters is what people get out of it and how they apply that to their own lives. It's a welcome reminder :hug:

We have a PM open, still, so I hope you know you can talk to me whenever :heart:

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brucee

We love you. 

What you said is important and precious. You received the art without expectations and the experience gets more intense. It's also a reminder of what is the work of Gaga and that you cannot even start to judge a live show if you're not there. And how it's important to be kind to ourselves and to others. 

Totally gives me a sense of validation as a monster too. Well

Paws up. Thanks for sharing your story. 

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Bradley
1 hour ago, Didymus said:

I'm very happy to read all of that. Of course I disagree with some bits, like how "She was able to do so many things at once without compromising quality" :messga: Imo she's doing the exact opposite but ok.

A story like yours shows that we can all bicker about whether or not Enigma, or any other show, is good but what really matters is what people get out of it and how they apply that to their own lives. It's a welcome reminder :hug:

We have a PM open, still, so I hope you know you can talk to me whenever :heart:

I mean, the only thing I wish she did differently was how she could include more of of Joanne and ARTPOP. Otherwise, it's a great show. I was mind-blown by the show and I walked out of the theater feeling so derailed from reality, like I had a difficult time processing what I had just witnessed. I do hope that you're able to see the show in person if you have plans of travelling to see her. Some fans actually saw the show twice or thrice and apparently the fact that they didn't remain spoiler-free didn't make the experience any less enjoyable.

And thanks about the PM! That means a lot to me. I do wish we could interact more in the future. I'm surprised that you still remember our old conversations. :hug:

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Bradley
1 hour ago, brucee said:

We love you. 

What you said is important and precious. You received the art without expectations and the experience gets more intense. It's also a reminder of what is the work of Gaga and that you cannot even start to judge a live show if you're not there. And how it's important to be kind to ourselves and to others. 

Totally gives me a sense of validation as a monster too. Well

Paws up. Thanks for sharing your story. 

Well considering how it's Lady Gaga, it would be false to say I didn't have expectations. Thankfully, they are met! I mean knowing Gaga, I kinda expected less representation of ARTPOP and Joanne and maybe A Star Is Born too, but those are the albums I wish she gave more attention to than Born This Way and The Fame.

Nonetheless, it was a visual feast. It was theatrical and it had a great message. She nailed every note, she dazzled and sparkled, she danced her arse off, it was magnificent.

I'm glad you found some validation from the story, hopefully you get to experience her in your own way some day.

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Didymus
1 hour ago, Bradley said:

I'm surprised that you still remember our old conversations. :hug:

Bitch pls :koons:

You're a terrific guy. Try to wrap your head around it :hug:

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MonsterMom

I love this ❤️. I wish we focused more on what her music and message has done for us and how it has changed our lives in a positive way! I hope one day to hear everyone’s story here :kara:. Thank you for sharing

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mindless

The same reawakening is happening to me as well and I get what you feel.

Its inspiring. 

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ProjectJoanne

Wow... that was SUCH an amazing story! I can't believe it, but with your words, I saw the whole show in a new perspective, one that I never thought I'd see it in. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I wish I could go to the Enigma show, I really do, but I'm only 16 and don't even have a job yet, nor will probably ever afford to go to the Enigma show :laughga:

Again, thanks so much for telling us this incredible story! You have courage and deserve to love yourself :heart: :pawsup:

DCgaga
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