Your feedback on my new song (WLTS)

[NIGHTCRAWLER 6,985]

Hey Monsters !

I haven't shared my songs here for a while now. I've been working on a lot of stuff and there is so many songs I'd like to finish and release but well it's complicated. Anyway I had to hurry up to finish this song for our GGD Song Contest so that's why I'm able to show it to you now.

Spoiler

btw you can follow our competition here : 

 

 

So I really want to have your feedback on it ! You just have to know that I made it in 3 weeks so it's not perfect, I know.

Let me explain you quickly the lyrics before you listen to it. At first, it might look like a love/brokenheart song but actually it's about me having to stop smoking weed. In fact, the song is about having to quit something you love, an addiction, an obsession, because it's destroying you. It's very painful to go away from something you live for, but sometimes you just have to do so to save what's left of you.

Lyrics:

Spoiler

Chorus:
I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
I can make it through

I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
And save what’s left in me for good

Verse 1: 
Look at you I’m not guilty
Thought you could fix my worries
So benign
Let’s start to shine

Look at me, sure I’ve fallen
I couldn’t see at the bottom
Hit the ground
Now hurt I am

Pre-chorus:
I wish I would not give me to you
But at the same time I do miss you
What is worse
What a curse, yeah

I know that it hurts when it’s healing
But can I heal without my medecine
What a curse
But I believe that

Chorus:
I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
I can make it through

I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
And save what’s left in me for good

Verse 2:
Often I wake up from my dreams
Cause I felt your taste on my lips
Then I cry, all alone
Through the night

I’m not dumb I know it’s best for me
And I know that I can be happy
But I’m scared, anyway
Cause you’re not there

Pre-chorus:
I know that it hurts when it’s healing
But can I heal without my medecine
What a curse
But I believe that

Chorus:
I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
I can make it through

I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
And save what’s left in me for good

Bridge:
Let me laugh
You will never have enough
I know you bluff

Wont get by
You know you can’t do without
See you tonight

Let me laugh
You will never have enough
I know you bluff

Wont get by
You know you can’t do without
See you tonight

Chorus:
I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
I can make it through

I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
And save what’s left in me for good

Save what’s left in me for good
Save what’s left in me for good
Save what’s left in me for good
Get out, get out, get out, …

I
I can live without you I’m
I’m gonna make it through I do
I can make it through

Outro:
I can’t hear you
Where are you now?
I saved myself I made it through

and I share you the instrumental as well because it's what I've worked the most on:

 

Please let me know what you think, and I'd be grateful if you could give me constructive advice ! I'm always trying to improve myself.

[Andreu 37,216]

I liked it specially the instrumental. I would add a little percussion tho.

however, is it not forbidden to promote the songs outside the thread ?

definitely asking for a friend not because if it's allowed I'm gonna do it too

[NIGHTCRAWLER 6,985]

6 minutes ago, Andreu said:

I liked it specially the instrumental. I would add a little percussion tho.

however, is it not forbidden to promote the songs outside the thread ?

definitely asking for a friend not because if it's allowed I'm gonna do it too

oh percussion are a great idea ! Thank you ! 

I'm not promoting it for real I'm looking for feedbacks 

Spoiler

monsters outside the contest don't even care about voting etc 

 

[tomsches 16,981]

29 minutes ago, Andreu said:

I liked it specially the instrumental. I would add a little percussion tho.

however, is it not forbidden to promote the songs outside the thread ?

definitely asking for a friend not because if it's allowed I'm gonna do it too

Technically, it's not forbidden, but if 20 people post threads about their songs, it becomes spam so I thought the best idea would be to keep as much promo as possible in the main thread. 

[NIGHTCRAWLER 6,985]

4 minutes ago, tomsches said:

Technically, it's not forbidden, but if 20 people post threads about their songs, it becomes spam so I thought the best idea would be to keep as much promo as possible in the main thread. 

yeah I should have waited till the contest is over. Anyway my thread is flopping hard so no worry 

[Guillaume Hamon 5,574]

I love the instru!  I think your lyrics are good, I would say as good as many lyrics from today's hits tbh. I would maybe wish they were a tad more personal.

Maybe it's getting a tiny bit repetitive at the end for my taste but huge songs are all repetitive tho so it could be the way to go if you want a smash hit.  

The effect added on your voice at some point make it sound like other guys autotuned voice and I wish it was a bit more effects-free and in a higher tone.

I don't know if I give good advice haha it's just my ideas!  I think it's a good track!

[Guillaume Hamon 5,574]

Gasoline is a bop imo by the way!  

[corvus albus 38,031]

It needs a more emotional and strong voice. The amazing music stays in the background which is usually a good thing for a song like this, but this monotonous voice and muffled sounds with the weird bridge and underwritten lyrics (repetitive) kill any momentum the song had.

The problems of the song are very surface level and easy to fix. This can very well be a great song with a bit more love. I think it's allowed to say that there are songs in that contest where I don't see any easy fixes Just work on the song and it will be infinitely better

[NIGHTCRAWLER 6,985]

9 hours ago, Guillaume Hamon said:

I love the instru!  I think your lyrics are good, I would say as good as many lyrics from today's hits tbh. I would maybe wish they were a tad more personal.

Maybe it's getting a tiny bit repetitive at the end for my taste but huge songs are all repetitive tho so it could be the way to go if you want a smash hit.  

The effect added on your voice at some point make it sound like other guys autotuned voice and I wish it was a bit more effects-free and in a higher tone.

I don't know if I give good advice haha it's just my ideas!  I think it's a good track!

oh higher pitch is a great idea ! Maybe I should turn the bridge into an outro and change it ! Thanks for your advice and for taking your time ! 

[NIGHTCRAWLER 6,985]

9 hours ago, corvus albus said:

It needs a more emotional and strong voice. The amazing music stays in the background which is usually a good thing for a song like this, but this monotonous voice and muffled sounds with the weird bridge and underwritten lyrics (repetitive) kill any momentum the song had.

The problems of the song are very surface level and easy to fix. This can very well be a great song with a bit more love. I think it's allowed to say that there are songs in that contest where I don't see any easy fixes Just work on the song and it will be infinitely better

well I know my voice is not great first of all because I'm more into producing than singing but I have nobody to sing my songs. But I wish I could write songs for other people ! Secondly I recorded it in one morning because I had to hurry up but yeah I agree they're pretty monotonous.

I'm thinking about changing the bridge actually and cutting of the last chorus. THANK YOU !