Monsterclaw 326 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 So I wrote these lyrics about what is happening in the world right now, hope u like it  Stormy nights I've been watching you while you're dreaming I'm petrified By what today's world has become Our only light Is in our hands, the clock is ticking It is our time To take back what they have been stealing  We all come from old and foreign place So why we tell each other what's the way? They're dropping the bombs, they're dropping the bombs, they're dropping the bombs Into thin air  Oblivious That is what we have become We think we're right So why our choices are all so wrong? And people die But we just wanna know what size She wears tonight Turn on the lights  And our leaders seem to push those things away Even if it leads nowehre but to bitter end They're dropping the bombs....  I have a beat for the song, now I just need to record it Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Wayne 5,473 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Oblivia? I'm the b*tch with the sauce, apparently Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsterclaw 326 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 Just now, Johny Wayne said: Oblivia? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Wayne 5,473 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Sorry babes, I write lyrics myself so I know some things about this subject... and these verses sound kind of uncohesive. I can't even picture how you'd put this into a melody. P.S.: I tryed again and yeah, maybe I could picture a melody, but it should be more obvious if you're wanting to make a catchy song xD but the content of the lyrics seems kinda thrown all together, I don't get it... I'm the b*tch with the sauce, apparently Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOTNebraskaGuy 19,547 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I like them! One, five, ten lay a million on me Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsterclaw 326 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 32 minutes ago, Johny Wayne said: Sorry babes, I write lyrics myself so I know some things about this subject... and these verses sound kind of uncohesive. I can't even picture how you'd put this into a melody. P.S.: I tryed again and yeah, maybe I could picture a melody, but it should be more obvious if you're wanting to make a catchy song xD but the content of the lyrics seems kinda thrown all together, I don't get it... you'll se when it's finished Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maleficent 6 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 1 hour ago, Monsterclaw said: So I wrote these lyrics about what is happening in the world right now, hope u like it  Stormy night Come inside me like never before Don't forget me when I come crying to Heaven's door I will fly Like a challenger across the sky Like the phoenix so you can remind them of the dream I bore Fixed for u Spoiler JK, can't wait to here the finished version!!!  Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinsey 313 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I am also a lyricist and I think you're tackling a huge topic here, it's difficult to generalize the topic of a tumultuous world.  If I may give suggestions, I think your lines jump around a lot. This seems like a draft of getting your ideas down. Maybe try extending your metaphors throughout the song to create cohesion And also, show don't tell. Saying you're petrified by what the world has become is a bit precocious and would sound more insightful if you incorporated your preceding storm metaphor Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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