JacobLindell 0 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 it's called 'Finale' and it's kind of Gaga inspired and it deals with suicide and commiting such an act for the whole world to see and witness.. it's one of my newer ones so tell me what you think... FINALE White on white on white I’ve got the world in front of my eyes The crowd won’t leave tonight Without the unveiling of my surprise The mirrors cut me open, And as I bleed for the sake of the crowd I hear the beat of my heart and chanting As it throbs in my ears so loud The gasps of the audience ignites As my hand rests on the trigger If i grasp just a little bit tighter I promise you I’ll deliver, The best show you’ve ever seen This time I’ll go all the way I’ll do it for the world to see this is my teenage decay I’ll paint the walls of the stadium A fresh new coat of red Cuz there’s really no point in saving, Somebody who’s already dead And as my body plunges The crowd comes to a pause as the last of my heart pumps, to the claps of your applause Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JgHaus78 1,603 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 i loved it, absolutely beautiful!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowyrain 38 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly 122 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I really enjoyed that. It certainly was very adjacent to the theme of Princess Die and had its own set of great imagery. I thought it flowed nicely and was very creative. Well done. :) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacobLindell 0 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 thanks youuu Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziva 193 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 That's very beautiful! :applause: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeleteMyAccount 11,881 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 This was well written. From a poet to another poet, you definitely kept pace and interest within the poem. The only parts I'm a bit confused on are "white on white on white". What does that mean? Then the mirror cutting part was a bit awkward because you went right into the gun stanza. Are there multiple self harming scenes? I love it though. Just making suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Featured Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.