Apec 284 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 (edited) I so wish I was in a better state, I may be bedridden for the most part but I have my ups and downs pain-wise, and I've been in a bad period right now. When you combine that with the effects of quite heavy meds (when I'm worse I need more and they both - brain overload from Neuropathic pain and the meds - create very light aphasia, the inability to find key words/phrasing you want to express but they feel on the tip of your tongue, plus the extra pain itself and deep fatigue don't help). Otherwise I'd be posting and replying like crazy here, and much faster. I do keep stimulating myself, I've always been an avid reader of world and historic fiction/literature so I keep reading whenever I can. I became ill through a medical mistake (sorry @Ladle Ghoulash you must've heard me say this one too many times). At first, in my very early twenties I was, even with the pain, able to finish from home my Masters. They were somewhat combined so don't think I was literally doing double the time, but it was quite taxing writing so many essays. When I was about to start my PhD at 23-24 my condition took a nosedive and this bed and the bathroom next to it became my world. I keep hoping and have faith (as it were) that I'll heal, even though my Neurologist doesn't know what to do with me anymore. I'm almost 36, the mistake happened at 19. Anyway, when I'm worse it takes much longer for me to write things of substance, no matter how much I want to and what my brain generates. When I'm a bit better I can write like crazy, when I'm in this state it's more taxing to write stuff that isn't just "My favorite work by artist X is _____". But know I love this thread because it's so stimulating, truly interesting and exciting. I'm going to write my replies to @bxr's very moving/amazing reply to my post as well as the subsequent ones, as well as @gagacabana's apt comment about Gaga's architectural fascination during her concerts and especially her tours. Oh, and @Ladle Ghoulash's newest post! I'm not forgetting you guys at all, my body is merely slowly letting me focus on one thing at a time right now. I LOVE this thread and all you guys in it. And like I said in the other thread: Gaga's art has ALWAYS been subliminal - even if there's a surface narrative. Love to hear her say that. I watched this interview back in the day but totally forgot about that part of her admitting it. And lol @bxr re: Simpsons prophecies. Yvan Eht Nioj indeed. Can't wait what part of Requiem may have inspired her (or the MBT). I know this woman deserves a break but I can't not be excited at what may lie in store for us with LG8. LOVING the Having Synthed meming. Working on the (a bit more) serious post I promised, but these are instantly iconic. 😂 Edited June 8 by Apec 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gagacabana 7,432 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 7 minutes ago, Apec said: Otherwise I'd be posting and replying like crazy here, and much faster. No worries, sister! We got you glad this digital safe haven can be your electric chapel as well. I'm sending you the best of things, much much love always!! I don't believe in the glorification of murder, I do believe in the empowerment of women 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladle Ghoulash 52,862 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 8 minutes ago, Apec said: When I was about to start my PhD at 23-24 my condition took a nosedive and this bed and the bathroom next to it became my world. I can sadly relate to this and it’s devastating. Got Long COVID shortly after finishing my senior thesis and have struggled to work as a writer in the same way ever since. Been going through my own chronic illness sh*t (trialing off label meds, dealing with adverse side effects, weighing pros and cons), so I totally understand going through periods of not having the capacity to contribute on this forum as much. Looking forward to seeing what you post on the other side of this current wave and would honestly love to contribute more myself. Stay strong, sister ♥️ We have forgotten our public MANNERS 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apec 284 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 12 minutes ago, gagacabana said: Well I'm rolling on the floor now. 🤣 Well, in spirit. 😇 And seriously @bxr, that Motown visit? I'm so jealous! That must've been awesome. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apec 284 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Ladle Ghoulash said: I can sadly relate to this and it’s devastating. Got Long COVID shortly after finishing my senior thesis and have struggled to work as a writer in the same way ever since. Been going through my own chronic illness sh*t (trialing off label meds, dealing with adverse side effects, weighing pros and cons), so I totally understand going through periods of not having the capacity to contribute on this forum as much. Looking forward to seeing what you post on the other side of this current wave and would honestly love to contribute more myself. Stay strong, sister ♥️ Thank you so much, I wish you all the best too, including so much strength and of course, healing as soon as possible. Us chronically ill need to stick together. Lord knows (sorry) that the off-label/trial drug and even "normal" routes form a huge hurdle in and of themselves (the adverse effects alone, how it impacts your body). More than half the stuff I've tried made my quality of living seriously worse. I get you and totally support you too (DM's are always open if you need to/feel able to rant). Do you remember what I promised when I first heard you had Long Covid (amidst my indignation)? I did do what I said back then (basically harassing local and European representatives about more research on it that they'd promised). One European rep talked about new pharmacological research that has just started two months ago regarding three drugs not yet trialled anywhere but showing promise, not saying that it is much, but at least I got an answer. And if we find something here, they are obviously not going to stall bringing that over to the US. Anyway, thanks for the very sweet yet honest reply and the absolute same to you, you know you're amazing, right? You haven't chosen this, of course, no one would, but you're a star nonetheless. Edited June 8 by Apec 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apec 284 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 51 minutes ago, gagacabana said: No worries, sister! We got you glad this digital safe haven can be your electric chapel as well. I'm sending you the best of things, much much love always!! Thanks sis!! It definitely is, and sending you much love as well for making it that way too (and for being you)! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 8 Author Share Posted June 8 18 hours ago, gagacabana said: Well “Yeah, that‘s right: Lieutenant LG Smash”—iktr 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladle Ghoulash 52,862 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 17 hours ago, Apec said: Do you remember what I promised when I first heard you had Long Covid (amidst my indignation)? I did do what I said back then (basically harassing local and European representatives about more research on it that they'd promised) I sincerely appreciate that Gotta kick these fckrs til they do the right thing! 17 hours ago, Apec said: you know you're amazing, right? You haven't chosen this, of course, no one would, but you're a star nonetheless. Right back at ya! Not to romanticize it at all, but there is something very empowering about the type of resilience you can access when confronted with something like chronic illness (even just in the simple recognition of surviving something that would’ve felt unimaginable to you before it happened). Wishing you healing and more good days than bad ♥️ Lmk if there’s anyone whose heels I can nip at so you can get the care you need because I’d gladly do it haha We have forgotten our public MANNERS 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 8 Author Share Posted June 8 18 hours ago, Apec said: I so wish I was in a better state, I may be bedridden for the most part but I have my ups and downs pain-wise, and I've been in a bad period right now. When you combine that with the effects of quite heavy meds (when I'm worse I need more and they both - brain overload from Neuropathic pain and the meds - create very light aphasia, the inability to find key words/phrasing you want to express but they feel on the tip of your tongue, plus the extra pain itself and deep fatigue don't help). Otherwise I'd be posting and replying like crazy here, and much faster. I do keep stimulating myself, I've always been an avid reader of world and historic fiction/literature so I keep reading whenever I can. I became ill through a medical mistake (sorry @Ladle Ghoulash you must've heard me say this one too many times). At first, in my very early twenties I was, even with the pain, able to finish from home my Masters. They were somewhat combined so don't think I was literally doing double the time, but it was quite taxing writing so many essays. When I was about to start my PhD at 23-24 my condition took a nosedive and this bed and the bathroom next to it became my world. I keep hoping and have faith (as it were) that I'll heal, even though my Neurologist doesn't know what to do with me anymore. I'm almost 36, the mistake happened at 19. Anyway, when I'm worse it takes much longer for me to write things of substance, no matter how much I want to and what my brain generates. When I'm a bit better I can write like crazy, when I'm in this state it's more taxing to write stuff that isn't just "My favorite work by artist X is _____". But know I love this thread because it's so stimulating, truly interesting and exciting. I'm going to write my replies to @bxr's very moving/amazing reply to my post as well as the subsequent ones as well as @gagacabana's apt comment about Gaga's architectural fascination during her concerts and especially her tours. Oh, and @Ladle Ghoulash's newest post! I'm not forgetting you guys at all, my body is merely slowly letting me focus on one thing at a time right now. I LOVE this thread and all you guys in it. And like I said in the other thread: Gaga's art has ALWAYS been subliminal - even if there's a surface narrative. Love to hear her say that. I watched this interview back in the day but totally forgot about that part of her admitting it. And lol @bxr re: Simpsons prophecies. Yvan Eth Nioj indeed. Can't wait what part of Requiem may have inspired her (or the MBT). I know this woman deserves a break but I can't not be excited at what may lie in store for us with LG8. LOVING the Having Synthed meming. Working on the (a bit more) serious post I promised, but these are instantly iconic. 😂 Your levels of conscious self-awareness amidst said bevy of altered states is astounding, and our lil‘ mythosophical labyrinth library is so humbled and elated to share your luminous company and conversation in this space and rhyme … not that I have any dictating say one way or the other about platform infrastructures, but, if not the forum, our thread, at the least, operates on kairos time (less needless stress than chronos) … so, whenever the world of words, concepts, and multisyllabic strings align, they will arrive and articulate in opportune time, and we will be ready as ever to explore said revelations … heal up, rest without worry (although, easier said than done, of the course)—your body knows best! Ough, the Masters gauntlet … dual-degree? PhD at 23?! The Masters mind is a trip—functional, with an uncannily odd precision to the lockstep flow of academic with editorial flair, but still with the empirical foundation, but/and on the other side of final thesis / dissertations it‘s like ”… how did any of those words happen?” It also sets a somewhat unwieldy standard for the self … to meet that watermark whenever … to just write at-will in that flow state … but, it also sort of underscores the “you can‘t go home again,” adage, from a writing voice vantage, and yet, it still sort of fuels that necessary adaptation / evolution in style … but that is to say, you‘re works of language art are ace (callback!), and the thread loves their (and your) presence on the page … take all the time you need … it‘s actually kind of wilde to consider the thread even exists within its sui generis capacity, truly a bespoke discursive communal identity being written / curated in real time … so you‘re building the blueprint with us, and in that, time has no burden of ultimatum … all kairos The subliminals—serving semiotics since she was 13! “Yvan Eht Nioj—gotta love that crazy chorus line …” “But what does it mean?” “It doesn‘t mean anything like ‘rama-lama ding-dong,‘ or ‘give peace a chance‘” It is good that you are here; all love supreme! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 8 Author Share Posted June 8 20 hours ago, Ladle Ghoulash said: I can sadly relate to this and it’s devastating. Got Long COVID shortly after finishing my senior thesis and have struggled to work as a writer in the same way ever since. Been going through my own chronic illness sh*t (trialing off label meds, dealing with adverse side effects, weighing pros and cons), so I totally understand going through periods of not having the capacity to contribute on this forum as much. Looking forward to seeing what you post on the other side of this current wave and would honestly love to contribute more myself. Stay strong, sister ♥️ Ough, NOT [LADLE] Spoiler The life and trials of a scribe … never cease to endeavor … sending all aesculapian energies your way … this thread would not exist without your spark of genesis inspiration, nor would it have evolved in its certain signature scope and gravity without your generative conversation … deeply grateful for your lens on the animate anthology and spirit in the space … all kairos and love supreme 💜 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 12 Author Share Posted June 12 On 6/4/2026 at 1:13 PM, Apec said: I definitely think a woman who went to a former convent remodeled into one of a network of semi-independent schools called The Convent of The Sacred Heart (a network that all bears the same name and almost came to be called Lady of the Sacred Heart) - they are all Girl's schools and the very first one was built, I kid you not, in the middle of Paris right after the French Revolution, which uh, great timing guys! Anyway, they were copied across Europe and many girls (of different faiths too) attended them because they mostly didn't require tuition and girls were either not schooled or pulled out when boy's tuition went up at 10 to 12 years of age - some of the Sacred Heart schools even went up to 18 years old and were academic moreso than preparing them for being the town seamstress, joining businesses that washed/dried clothes by hand, creating big batches of food to sell at the local market, housekeeping at stranger's houses, and farmwork farmwork farmwork etc. in the 19th Century - even though women weren't allowed at most Universities yet. The very first has been demolished now in Paris because all education is free and secular with a small fee for University (very small compared to US Universities) and in its place they built the Rodin museum. If you're ever in Paris, I highly recommend going there. Rodin was a genius. If you need a refresher, he's best known for "The Thinker". The Gates of Hell (Bronze) New York was the first American Convent of The Sacred Heart school, but many others followed, as did tuition in the 20th Century. Gaga has stated some of her teachers were nuns, and to be blunt, while places like Middle America and certain European countries definitely worshipped Mary and even had Marian Sects, the convents all over the world worshipped something-odd-for-patriarchal-Abrahamic-religions: the worship of the Virgin Mary almost just as much if not more (in practice and not that they'd say it aloud) than Jesus himself. She must've learned about Montserrat at the very least as it is the most famous. Thank you so much for mentioning Czestochowa, most people don't know it and it happens to be near to my heart and I'Il tell you why in a second. Today we celebrate the Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. While devotion to the heart of Christ can be traced back to the 11th century, it was not until 1670 that the first formal Feast of the Sacred Heart was celebrated by a French priest, Father Jean Eudes. Saint Jean Eudes (1601–1680) was a French priest, ordained in 1625 as a member of the Congregation of the Oratory of France. He became a renowned preacher and confessor, travelling extensively across Normandy to conduct missions and care for plague victims. He was among the first to develop formal liturgical worship in honour of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. In 1643, he founded the Congregation of Jesus and Mary (the Eudists) to train diocesan clergy, and later helped establish a community for women known as the Sisters of Our Lady of Charity. He was canonised in 1925 by Pope Pius XI. Felt like it reads akin to Sacred Heart synchrony in the cadence of French connection (timing!) … but, just another capture for the codex, salt grain musing allegorical architectures and such 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 I‘ve been workin‘ … in engineering … not really, but I‘ve been tinkering with some media culture map x neural networks … building out a kind of symbolic media literacy module … Earlier on, I ran a pilot triptych to see what narrative inferences / human signal patterns emerged in context of media cultural identity transformation … the prototype triad was The Fame, Born This Way, and The Cure‘s debut live from Coachella (media events as nodes in the media identity network) … it was a solid test run … but then I ran MAYHEM: Requiem as a standalone field event to pilot through the prototype model for a more comprehensive narrative arc trajectory … so, just adding an excerpt from an ontology-in-progess for neither-here-nor-there general CAMP reference … if nothing else, a fun hermeneutic for media culture narrative identity transformation … less poetic, more data processional Spoiler Fields Spoiler A1: THE FAME : Identity as Emergence Condition: The self is not yet stable; it is becoming real through exposure. Core logic: Identity = amplification Culture = visibility engine Sound = propulsion system Subject = “I am what is being noticed” Human condition claim: The human becomes real through increasing recognizability. A2: BORN THIS WAY : Identity as Ontological Assertion Condition: The self is declared as inherent, not negotiated. Core logic: Identity = pre-existing truth Culture = moral amplifier Sound = proclamation system Subject = “I already am what I am” Human condition claim: The human becomes real by asserting what was previously conditional. A3: REQUIEM (MAYHEM LIVE) : Identity as Residual Presence Condition: The self is no longer asserted or amplified; it is remembered through its remnants. Core logic: Identity = acoustic residue Culture = interpretive aftermath Sound = sustaining echo Subject = “I remain even when I no longer declare myself” Human condition claim: The human becomes real in what persists after expression ends. Interpretive Engine Spoiler What remains consistent across all three states of pop identity? The human is never directly visible, only the conditions that make visibility possible change. Identity is not a thing being expressed, but a phase that media temporarily stabilizes. Triadic Spoiler Relational Map Spoiler Fractal Spoiler 1. The Fame → visibility creates the self Identity is created through visibility. The self becomes real by being seen, repeated, and amplified. Becoming visible = becoming real 2. Born This Way → the self declares itself as origin Identity is stabilized through declaration. The self becomes real by being named as inherent truth. Being declared = being real 3. Requiem → the self persists without declaration Identity persists after visibility collapses. The self becomes real through memory, echo, and interpretive afterlife. Being remembered = being real Residual-Being-as-Acoustic-Memory Axiom Set Spoiler Axiom 1: Emergence Media produces identity through amplification. Axiom 2: Assertion Media stabilizes identity through declaration. Axiom 3: Residue Media preserves identity through afterimage. Axiomatic Closure Media does not represent identity, it phases it through different conditions of legibility. Identity is not expressed; it is phased through media conditions that make it temporarily legible. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gagacabana 7,432 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 17 hours ago, bxr said: just adding an excerpt from an ontology-in-progess for neither-here-nor-there general CAMP reference … if nothing else, a fun hermeneutic for media culture narrative identity transformation … less poetic, more data processional Reading this made my head go here immediately: 👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾 Also, the first video on my youtube home page: Hate the algorithm but every once in a blue moon it brings some amazing things lmao I don't believe in the glorification of murder, I do believe in the empowerment of women 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladle Ghoulash 52,862 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 18 hours ago, bxr said: “I remain even when I no longer declare myself” I absolutely love this and this feels like a perfect and succinct distillation of the atmosphere of Gaga’s post apocalyptic cathedral reverberations. The self as both that which lived in life, that which echoes on in its passing, sound, its echo, and the space in between. We have forgotten our public MANNERS 1 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxr 2,165 Posted June 30 Author Share Posted June 30 (edited) 8 hours ago, gagacabana said: Reading this made my head go here immediately: 👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖👾 7 hours ago, Ladle Ghoulash said: I absolutely love this and this feels like a perfect and succinct distillation of the atmosphere of Gaga’s post apocalyptic cathedral reverberations. The self as both that which lived in life, that which echoes on in its passing, sound, its echo, and the space in between. Not to nerd out, but, your two aspects feel like they illuminate the present alchemy of a certain emblematic integrity … or, that the origin emblem feels incredibly potent in form and function of the renaissance emblem … as a gnostic glyph articulating an element of alchemical axiomatic Spoiler Horapollo‘s ‘Hieroglyphica‘ also formed the basis for the development … of emblems, symbols which are always connected with a short motto and generally accompanied by an explanatory commentary. They were very popular in the Baroque, and proved to be an ideal vehicle for the communication of paradoxical alchemical teaching aids and maxims. Pseudo-hieroglyphs were thus connected with pseudo-ancient Egyptian wisdoms, since the majority of the hermetic scripts that tended to be found in attics or the niches of old walls proved to be pseudo-epigraphs masquerading as works by eminent figures in the hermetic tradition. … Emblem books are collections of sets of three elements: an icon or image, a motto, and text explaining the connection between the image and motto. The text ranged in length from a few lines of verse to pages of prose. Emblem books descended from medieval bestiaries that explained the importance of animals, proverbs, and fables. In fact, writers often drew inspiration from Greek and Roman sources such as Aesop's Fables and Plutarch's Lives. Definition “But if someone asks me what Emblemata really are? I will reply to him, that they are mute images, and nevertheless speaking: insignificant matters, and none the less of importance: ridiculous things, and nonetheless not without wisdom [...]” — Jacob Cats, Voor-reden over de Proteus, of Minne-beelden, verandert in sinne-beelden. The apparent duality, the binary self, defined in its symbiotic relationship with its nexus void … that fracture as catalytic constituent … the lived life as the space in between diametric identity … and amidst this triumvirate singularity … the distant echoes of said artist‘s signature personal chaos … off, with, her … And … Bless, up, TRANSMISSIONS (and the algorithmic ave metropolis / techno maria (!) ) … the floodgates on those revival frequencies … in immediate retrospect … the verve on the rear-view reprise Ep. 1 screening felt sonic proximal to a CHIPCHROME cut … Spoiler … but/and, as always … just salt grain musings in said airwaves … Edited June 30 by bxr 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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