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The Onion: J.K. Rowling Escapes  Insane Asylum


27monster27
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27monster27

:rip:

https://theonion.com/j-k-rowling-escapes-insane-asylum/

This read is sending me into a low earth orbit.

My favorite parts (in a spoiler so yall can read the beauty of this first lol):

Spoiler

"According to guards, Rowling had a history of disturbing behavior within the high-security mental facility and would often go on unhinged rants, threatening to kidnap the late Queen Elizabeth II, imprison her in a life-size replica of Hagrid’s hut, and expose her as the transgender leader of a LGBTQIA+ cabal."

“This highway is for biological females only!” and “You’ll never be a biological woman! You’re a car!”

"“She claims we gave her ‘male sheets,’ but I think she just means they’re blue.”" :air:

"At press time, officials reported Rowling had been recaptured after entering an empty women’s bathroom, yelling “I know you’re in there,” and knocking herself unconscious as she tried to break down a stall door." :rip:

 

he/him/his
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Ilia Malinin
Spoiler

‘The teeth are the children! You’re mutilating the teeth!’

I'M F*CKING HOWLING

never ask me what happened on february 13th, 2026
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