CEREMONY | Rate. On. Me: The Chromatica 5 Rate

[Cruelty 6,150]

I was just talking to my friends, & I was saying, I can’t wait to dance with people to this music. I can’t wait to just go into any space with a whole bunch of people, & blast this as loud as possible to show them how much I love them. Until then, I hope that they listen to this record, & go on not only my personal journey with me, & dance through all the pain, but also go through their own journey, & dance through all their pain.
—Lady Gaga (2020)

Welcome to the Chromatica fifth anniversary rate ceremony!

After a three-year gap (and a seven-week delay), Lady Gaga’s sixth studio album Chromatica arrived in May 2020. Billed as her long-awaited return to the dancefloor, the record comprises 13 house-flavoured bops bookended by gorgeous orchestral interludes, all produced by dance heavyweights ranging from BloodPop & Tchami to Axwell & Skrillex. Masking deep sadness under a veneer of dancefloor euphoria, Chromatica feels very tied to the pandemic during which it was released – so, a half-decade on, let’s blast off to the planet Chromatica 5 and take Gagadaily’s temperature on this polarising entry in Gaga’s catalogue.

For the past month, you’ve been rating all of Chromatica (bar the instrumental interludes, which are gorgeous but I know you ghouls would have sunk all three of them), along with its regional bonus track ‘Love Me Right’. From ‘Sine’ to ‘Sour Candy’, from ‘Replay’ to ‘Rain on Me’, these songs have been battling to be crowned Gagadaily’s Favourite Chromatica Song – & now it’s time to find out which track is your winner! Here’s your reminder of the competitors:

We’ll be counting down the 14 songs over the course of 75 minutes. Along the way, I’ll be sharing a selection of your amazing commentary, as well as some information on these songs’ backstories & my own thoughts on the tracks.

The ceremony starts in an hour – 2PM PT / 5PM ET / 10PM UK. While you wait, why not show everyone your best Chromatica-inspired red carpet looks, hunt down that stale packet of Chromatica Oreos that you shoved in the cupboard back in 2020, & wind down with one of these Gaga-inspired drinks from the Chromatica Ball? (Mine’s a Telephone). See you soon, Monsters! 

Accessibility notice: this ceremony includes gifs with flashing text. Every effort has been made to adhere to Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) 2.1 as specified at https://www.w3.org/TR/WCAG21/ 

Spoiler

@13VictorC @50 Ft Queenie @A Fried Egg @actsleazy @AliceAnesthesia @Anderson123 @AndiGaga @Andre91 @angelduuh @artdoll @ARTPOPe @asfittingasmcqueen @Ayoherewego @badboymonsterx @BertGlamGa @BeyonkaAte @BigDreamer @BillieGOAT @Blackout19 @Bobina @Born This Way @brizoda @Cameltoe Chariot @candydarling @Celloo Deng @Chesescake @ChrisGaga @chromaticangel @ChvVolk @clownery @Cody James @Creyk @crybrowz @Daenerys @DavidLuis198 @Delulu @Delulu Rogers @djfreemymind @domixwodix @dopega @Doroteyo @Dramatica @Dutch @eifulien @Elderflower @elegidadedios @elijahfan @FinallyFree @Freezie03 @G U C C I @GagaGame @Gagaloo420 @GagaSuperfan1 @GH333 @Guille @Haldy @HausofGabo @HeAteMyh3art @HeavyCapiLover @HeavyMetal Halcyon @hELXIG @HermesG @highongaga @HIMe @huttont @iamdna @Ilia Malinin @ImMatt @Ivy @jackjackjackjack13 @Janosch @Jessica Germ @jillianwoj @Jose Alberto @Juliandante @JustJackWhatever @Kayi @Keeo @kimeow @King Targaryen @Lady Gaga 2009 @LaFama @Lahv @Lanie @lasagna @lastpopicon @LauraPalmer @leedeegaga @LG2008 @LittleMonster20 @littlepotter @LoLaA @Lord Axel @Lukasson @MACATL @MajorMinus @ManMan @Massive Monster @metalguru @misha4ever @MonsterfromVietnam @monstertoronto @MountainMonster @n1kos @Nagini @Nessun Dorma @NewUsername @Nirvana @Obman @Obobo @Oli @OliviaRodrigoStan @Omegahedron @Onlygaga @Pandacadabra @PartySick @phantasmas @Pictures @Plastic Flower @Poltergeist @pratz @princedeeblebleble @PSYCHOSHTICK @pynkri @Quentin @RebeldeFaith @Rhiannon @rinasawachanta @rocketn9 @Romkance @Roughhouse Dandy @RudraCNG @Sarah H @Sestri Levante @SimonBaetens @Skyana Rava @Smother Em Eh @Soliloquy @South Blonde @Stephen @Super @Taumaturg0 @The Fame Monster @TheMontebello @TheSine @TimotheeChalamet @tofueism @Tranquil @Trxstan @tylercamillerii @uglysexy @Werewoof @whoresup @YASKALE @zevthepaparazzo @Zombiecat

Edited Saturday at 08:00 PM by Cruelty

[Skyana Rava 973]

On my way!

[Cruelty 6,150]

On Chromatica, no one thing is greater than another.

But let’s rank them anyway.

[actsleazy 6,633]

[actsleazy 6,633]

Just now, Cruelty said:

On Chromatica, no one thing is greater than another.

But let’s rank them anyway.

“Well that’s too bad “

[Cruelty 6,150]

14 PLASTIC DOLL – average 6.38

11 x 3 [ @Roughhouse Dandy @LauraPalmer @artdoll]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 5 [ @HIMe @n1kos @Jessica Germ @ManMan @Lukasson]

Am I-E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I-Eliminated?

As we eliminate our first Chromatica track, I’ll caveat the ceremony by saying that I always try to give each & every song a fair hearing, delivering write-up posts that are as objective as possible. Some songs make that harder than others.

Over a spiky, agitated Skrillex production, ‘Plastic Doll’ tackles the objectification & materialism that are integral to the fame game. Gaga truly predicted the Barbie movie three years early here, & it might have fit nicely there as an angsty moment. The most interesting thing about ‘Plastic Doll’ is that it’s one of several songs on the record where Gaga holds a mirror up to us Little Monsters & says: you guys are part of the problem.

We love that easy soundbite that Chromatica’s about ‘dancing through the pain’, but there are so many things contributing to that pain – burnout, chronic illness, romantic failure, daddy issues, loss of identity. ‘Plastic Doll’ isn’t afraid to tell us – as monsters, as listeners – that the way we interact with the concept of ‘Lady Gaga’ has become damaging. 

If the concept is interesting, I think the execution lacks. The ‘am I-E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I am I p-plastic?’ tag is both annoying & obviously tacked on to give this a more ‘Gaga’ feel, & the lyric isn’t saying anything particularly deep about fame, only that it hurts – even on her debut where Gaga’s practically GAGGING for the fame, she’s sharply aware that it’s definitionally a rough ride. Luckily for us as fans, the lukewarm reception to ‘Plastic Doll’ led to Gaga having a much better shot at the same concept with this year’s ‘Perfect Celebrity’.

Nonetheless, ‘Plastic Doll’ charmed three of our voters enough that they gave it their 11! @Roughhouse Dandy was the only one brave enough to comment, saying “Justice for Ms. Plastic Doll. She’s the 80’s bop everyone reached for but couldn’t achieve & flops are seething bc their faves could NEVER”.

[PartySick 156,937]

Here to see Shadow of a Man eat

Wait, we're doing Chromatica?

Um

[PartySick 156,937]

2 minutes ago, Cruelty said:

14 PLASTIC DOLL – average 6.38

11 x 3 [ @Roughhouse Dandy @LauraPalmer @artdoll]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 5 [ @HIMe @n1kos @Jessica Germ @ManMan @Lukasson]

Am I-E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I-Eliminated?

As we eliminate our first Chromatica track, I’ll caveat the ceremony by saying that I always try to give each & every song a fair hearing, delivering write-up posts that are as objective as possible. Some songs make that harder than others.

Over a spiky, agitated Skrillex production, ‘Plastic Doll’ tackles the objectification & materialism that are integral to the fame game. Gaga truly predicted the Barbie movie three years early here, & it might have fit nicely there as an angsty moment. The most interesting thing about ‘Plastic Doll’ is that it’s one of several songs on the record where Gaga holds a mirror up to us Little Monsters & says: you guys are part of the problem.

We love that easy soundbite that Chromatica’s about ‘dancing through the pain’, but there are so many things contributing to that pain – burnout, chronic illness, romantic failure, daddy issues, loss of identity. ‘Plastic Doll’ isn’t afraid to tell us – as monsters, as listeners – that the way we interact with the concept of ‘Lady Gaga’ has become damaging. 

If the concept is interesting, I think the execution lacks. The ‘am I-E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I am I p-plastic?’ tag is both annoying & obviously tacked on to give this a more ‘Gaga’ feel, & the lyric isn’t saying anything particularly deep about fame, only that it hurts – even on her debut where Gaga’s practically GAGGING for the fame, she’s sharply aware that it’s definitionally a rough ride. Luckily for us as fans, the lukewarm reception to ‘Plastic Doll’ led to Gaga having a much better shot at the same concept with this year’s ‘Perfect Celebrity’.

Nonetheless, ‘Plastic Doll’ charmed three of our voters enough that they gave it their 11! @Roughhouse Dandy was the only one brave enough to comment, saying “Justice for Ms. Plastic Doll. She’s the 80’s bop everyone reached for but couldn’t achieve & flops are seething bc their faves could NEVER”.

Plastic Doll is not the worst song on this album y'all are blind but like with your ears

[Cruelty 6,150]

13 FUN TONIGHT – average 6.41

11 x 5 [ @Skyana Rava @Onlygaga @Bobina @GagaGame @Cody James]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 5 [ @Jessica Germ @ChvVolk @Massive Monster @Obobo @lasagna]

‘Fun Tonight’ articulates Gaga’s complex relationship with her fame. By all accounts, there’s a period from around 2017 to 2021 where, beleaguered by chronic illness & cancelling her tour & entering her thirties & failing to heal her family’s pain with Joanne, Stefani Germanotta forgot how to be Lady Gaga. She vanished into brand deals & jazz records & cigarettes. She retreated to Las Vegas & threw together a cosplay-Gaga set for the locals.

She didn’t know how to be Lady Gaga anymore, but she had to carry on, living that life day after day because we needed her to be Lady Gaga. & that experience was breaking her – our greed for Lady Gaga was breaking her. Think about how that would have made her feel about us. Chromatica is an album clearly written by an artist who clearly can’t stand her job, her fans, or her fame anymore, & while that makes songs like ‘Plastic Doll’ & ‘Fun Tonight’ interesting, it might explain why they’re falling flat tonight. (It’s worth saying that you only need to watch 10 seconds of any 'Vanish Into You' performance to see that the relationship has been 100% repaired).

So, lyrically, it’s up there.

However.

As host’s privilege, I always allow myself one post where I let objectivity be damned & I read one of the songs to filth. It takes a lot of time & effort to put a rate together, & when you don’t like a song but have to listen to it on repeat for 15 minutes while writing one of these posts, it can genuinely be irritating.

Annoyingly, I just realised that there’s a better opportunity later on for that tone of post. So for now, I’ll say that, to me, ‘Fun Tonight’ is anodyne Eurodance, it’s very Ministry of Sound Ibiza Summer Anthems 2007 bonus track. To me, this is giving department store muzak, it’s giving Disney Channel Original Movie. To me, this is a moment where Chromatica fails in its attempt to bridge depression lyrics & uptempo club production. To me, I appreciate that the lack of a beat drop is intentional, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that when the beat does drop, it’s limp. To me, I WISH ‘you love the Paparazzi, love The Fame, even though you know it causes me pain’ was in a better song. To me, ‘Fun Tonight’ really starkly reveals how Chromatica was the album where Gaga descended from the realm of the immortals & cosplayed being one of the regular popstars for once.

However, Chromatica wasn’t made just for me, it was made for all of us. & even as I’m asking you to rate all of these songs to get a semi-‘definitive’ ranking, I’m aware that every piece of music means something completely different to every person who hears it. On an album about healing, that’s an especially powerful message – & maybe it explains why this is the first rate I’ve ever run where every single song received an 11/10 score. So, let’s turn to @Skyana Rava’s beautiful message, & reflect on the power of music in the darkest of times: “Fun Tonight is heartbreaking, relatable, & feels like one of Gaga’s most authentic tracks. It truly feels like an honor to hear this song, & it has helped me feel like I am worthy of love. Thank you Gags”.

 

Comments:

@Bobina “Y’all just don’t get the artistry of this song. The beat “drop” is ART! It enhances the meaning of the song! FFs”

@GagaGame “I AM A FUN TONIGHT TRUTHER FOR YALL”

[PartySick 156,937]

1 minute ago, Cruelty said:

13 FUN TONIGHT – average 6.41

11 x 5 [ @Skyana Rava @Onlygaga @Bobina @GagaGame @Cody James]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 5 [ @Jessica Germ @ChvVolk @Massive Monster @Obobo @lasagna]

‘Fun Tonight’ articulates Gaga’s complex relationship with her fame. By all accounts, there’s a period from around 2017 to 2021 where, beleaguered by chronic illness & cancelling her tour & entering her thirties & failing to heal her family’s pain with Joanne, Stefani Germanotta forgot how to be Lady Gaga. She vanished into brand deals & jazz records & cigarettes. She retreated to Las Vegas & threw together a cosplay-Gaga set for the locals.

She didn’t know how to be Lady Gaga anymore, but she had to carry on, living that life day after day because we needed her to be Lady Gaga. & that experience was breaking her – our greed for Lady Gaga was breaking her. Think about how that would have made her feel about us. Chromatica is an album clearly written by an artist who clearly can’t stand her job, her fans, or her fame anymore, & while that makes songs like ‘Plastic Doll’ & ‘Fun Tonight’ interesting, it might explain why they’re falling flat tonight. (It’s worth saying that you only need to watch 10 seconds of any 'Vanish Into You' performance to see that the relationship has been 100% repaired).

So, lyrically, it’s up there.

However.

As host’s privilege, I always allow myself one post where I let objectivity be damned & I read one of the songs to filth. It takes a lot of time & effort to put a rate together, & when you don’t like a song but have to listen to it on repeat for 15 minutes while writing one of these posts, it can genuinely be irritating.

Annoyingly, I just realised that there’s a better opportunity later on for that tone of post. So for now, I’ll say that, to me, ‘Fun Tonight’ is anodyne Eurodance, it’s very Ministry of Sound Ibiza Summer Anthems 2007 bonus track. To me, this is giving department store muzak, it’s giving Disney Channel Original Movie. To me, this is a moment where Chromatica fails in its attempt to bridge depression lyrics & uptempo club production. To me, I appreciate that the lack of a beat drop is intentional, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that when the beat does drop, it’s limp. To me, I WISH ‘you love the Paparazzi, love The Fame, even though you know it causes me pain’ was in a better song. To me, ‘Fun Tonight’ really starkly reveals how Chromatica was the album where Gaga descended from the realm of the immortals & cosplayed being one of the regular popstars for once.

However, Chromatica wasn’t made just for me, it was made for all of us. & even as I’m asking you to rate all of these songs to get a semi-‘definitive’ ranking, I’m aware that every piece of music means something completely different to every person who hears it. On an album about healing, that’s an especially powerful message – & maybe it explains why this is the first rate I’ve ever run where every single song received an 11/10 score. So, let’s turn to @Skyana Rava’s beautiful message, & reflect on the power of music in the darkest of times: “Fun Tonight is heartbreaking, relatable, & feels like one of Gaga’s most authentic tracks. It truly feels like an honor to hear this song, & it has helped me feel like I am worthy of love. Thank you Gags”.

 

Comments:

@Bobina “Y’all just don’t get the artistry of this song. The beat “drop” is ART! It enhances the meaning of the song! FFs”

@GagaGame “I AM A FUN TONIGHT TRUTHER FOR YALL”

Deserved a real chorus and no stupid beat drops

[Born This Way 1,789]

Plastic Doll, the underrated excellence 

[Cruelty 6,150]

12 FREE WOMAN – average 6.54

11 x 5 [ @monstertoronto @HeavyCapiLover @The Fame Monster @A Fried Egg @NewUsername]; 10 x 10

The lows: 1 x 7 [ @Poltergeist @Onlygaga @ManMan @badboymonsterx @Massive Monster @ARTPOPe @Quentin]

I’m gonna diagnose quite a few of you with demoitis. Chromatica’s third single ‘Free Woman’ was one of the tracks whose demo versions leaked in the months leading up to the album release. I don’t want to start a full discussion about this, but the fanbase’s obsession with demos & alternate versions has undeservedly sunk some classic songs’ reputations for sure – & this is one example. Because, while ‘Free Woman’ was one of the first five tracks made for Chromatica, Axwell revamped the demo in late 2019 to better suit the more 00s Eurodance feel that the rest of the record had taken. I think the update makes sense, but I also think that’s what’s contributed to the disappointing performance tonight.

I know I should dislike ‘Free Woman’, given that it’s guilty of lots of the things that I read ‘Fun Tonight’ for just a second ago. But I actually really love this! This is the kind of euphoric empowerment anthem that Gaga could write in her sleep, but it’s got a gorgeous, committed vocal with some distinct Gaga hooks (the yodelling!), & the production’s clean without feeling sanitised.

She’s in full icon mode here, but it’s permeated with authenticity, & for me what really sells it is that development from verse 1’s ‘no-one knows me yet’ (YET!) to verse 2’s ‘this is my dancefloor’. You are your own limit. Gaga’s a mastermind in this, & ‘Free Woman’ is her case study.

 

Comments:

@monstertoronto “Everyone’s hatred of this makes me love it more”

@The Fame Monster “Free Woman is one of my favourite songs by Gaga, if not my absolute favourite. I really don't understand the criticism it receives. I also don’t get the comparisons between the demo & the studio version, because to me, the studio version is clearly the winner. The song is packed with emotion, & the beat, while "simple", is absolutely amazing. It’s a celebration of life!”

[LoLaA 2,355]

1 minute ago, Cruelty said:

12 FREE WOMAN – average 6.54

11 x 5 [ @monstertoronto @HeavyCapiLover @The Fame Monster @A Fried Egg @NewUsername]; 10 x 10

The lows: 1 x 7 [ @Poltergeist @Onlygaga @ManMan @badboymonsterx @Massive Monster @ARTPOPe @Quentin]

I’m gonna diagnose quite a few of you with demoitis. Chromatica’s third single ‘Free Woman’ was one of the tracks whose demo versions leaked in the months leading up to the album release. I don’t want to start a full discussion about this, but the fanbase’s obsession with demos & alternate versions has undeservedly sunk some classic songs’ reputations for sure – & this is one example. Because, while ‘Free Woman’ was one of the first five tracks made for Chromatica, Axwell revamped the demo in late 2019 to better suit the more 00s Eurodance feel that the rest of the record had taken. I think the update makes sense, but I also think that’s what’s contributed to the disappointing performance tonight.

I know I should dislike ‘Free Woman’, given that it’s guilty of lots of the things that I read ‘Fun Tonight’ for just a second ago. But I actually really love this! This is the kind of euphoric empowerment anthem that Gaga could write in her sleep, but it’s got a gorgeous, committed vocal with some distinct Gaga hooks (the yodelling!), & the production’s clean without feeling sanitised.

She’s in full icon mode here, but it’s permeated with authenticity, & for me what really sells it is that development from verse 1’s ‘no-one knows me yet’ (YET!) to verse 2’s ‘this is my dancefloor’. You are your own limit. Gaga’s a mastermind in this, & ‘Free Woman’ is her case study.

 

Comments:

@monstertoronto “Everyone’s hatred of this makes me love it more”

@The Fame Monster “Free Woman is one of my favourite songs by Gaga, if not my absolute favourite. I really don't understand the criticism it receives. I also don’t get the comparisons between the demo & the studio version, because to me, the studio version is clearly the winner. The song is packed with emotion, & the beat, while "simple", is absolutely amazing. It’s a celebration of life!”

 

Did not expect this

Edited Saturday at 09:15 PM by LoLaA

[PartySick 156,937]

1 minute ago, Cruelty said:

12 FREE WOMAN – average 6.54

11 x 5 [ @monstertoronto @HeavyCapiLover @The Fame Monster @A Fried Egg @NewUsername]; 10 x 10

The lows: 1 x 7 [ @Poltergeist @Onlygaga @ManMan @badboymonsterx @Massive Monster @ARTPOPe @Quentin]

I’m gonna diagnose quite a few of you with demoitis. Chromatica’s third single ‘Free Woman’ was one of the tracks whose demo versions leaked in the months leading up to the album release. I don’t want to start a full discussion about this, but the fanbase’s obsession with demos & alternate versions has undeservedly sunk some classic songs’ reputations for sure – & this is one example. Because, while ‘Free Woman’ was one of the first five tracks made for Chromatica, Axwell revamped the demo in late 2019 to better suit the more 00s Eurodance feel that the rest of the record had taken. I think the update makes sense, but I also think that’s what’s contributed to the disappointing performance tonight.

I know I should dislike ‘Free Woman’, given that it’s guilty of lots of the things that I read ‘Fun Tonight’ for just a second ago. But I actually really love this! This is the kind of euphoric empowerment anthem that Gaga could write in her sleep, but it’s got a gorgeous, committed vocal with some distinct Gaga hooks (the yodelling!), & the production’s clean without feeling sanitised.

She’s in full icon mode here, but it’s permeated with authenticity, & for me what really sells it is that development from verse 1’s ‘no-one knows me yet’ (YET!) to verse 2’s ‘this is my dancefloor’. You are your own limit. Gaga’s a mastermind in this, & ‘Free Woman’ is her case study.

 

Comments:

@monstertoronto “Everyone’s hatred of this makes me love it more”

@The Fame Monster “Free Woman is one of my favourite songs by Gaga, if not my absolute favourite. I really don't understand the criticism it receives. I also don’t get the comparisons between the demo & the studio version, because to me, the studio version is clearly the winner. The song is packed with emotion, & the beat, while "simple", is absolutely amazing. It’s a celebration of life!”

The evil is defeated.gif

[LG2008 4,938]

The ones rating these songs with 1 are tasteless  

5 minutes ago, PartySick said:

Deserved a real chorus and no stupid beat drops

I agree with this for the songs on this album tho  Unfortunately it's the case for the majority of this album... Imagine what it could've been 

Edited Saturday at 09:17 PM by LG2008