CEREMONY | Rate. On. Me: The Chromatica 5 Rate

[Elderflower 381]

9 minutes ago, Cruelty said:

10 STUPID LOVE – average 6.77

11 x 2 [ @leedeegaga @Romkance]; 10 x 11

The lows: 1 x 6 [ @n1kos @ManMan @ChvVolk @50 Ft Queenie @Ayoherewego @TheSine]

January 2020. Fresh off the box-office success of the Middle America behemoth A Star is Born & its accompanying smash hit “Shallow”, Lady Gaga is on the top of the world. Las Vegas concert tickets are flying off the shelves, Gaga’s online presence is expanding at a rate of knots, & there are whispers that a long-awaited ‘return to the dancefloor’ is just around the corner… All the odds are in her favour.

But then.

 

Did you know that ‘Stupid Love’ was originally intended to be Chromatica’s lead single? It leaked in late January 2020, however, so Gaga decided that it would be best to scrap the single release & that’s why they chose ‘Replay’ instead. I think they made the right decision not to release this one. Sure, that chugging electropop production is at least halfway competent (thanks to French house legend Tchami), but this is just so clearly one of the worst things Lady Gaga has ever put her name to.

‘Stupid Love’ is vapid, & artless, & inauthentic. It’s what happens when you buy Lady Gaga from Shein – a nonentity of a song with nothing to say & no reason to exist. Gaga steals her own chord progression from ‘Born This Way’ & slaps on a title that’s a direct synonym for ‘Bad Romance’, to produce something that lacks the heart & the power of either. Along the way, she utterly forgets to write a chorus, instead roping in a dolphin to… sort of gasp for air, I guess? Jesus, there’s a Max Martin credit on this.

‘Stupid Love’ was genuinely written in 2017 for A Star is Born & later considered for BloodPop®’s mercifully as-yet-unreleased album before finding a home on Chromatica. That might explain why it feels so underdeveloped lyrically compared to the rest of the record – it was literally written for that part of the movie where Gaga’s stripped away any sense of artistry to instead sing mindless nonsense over cheap Sunfly Karaoke instrumentals. Thankfully, ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t a single, so we can just sideline it, pretend it never existed.

& do you remember when the plans for the music video leaked? They were going to go into the desert with an iPhone & some Temu Gaga cosplay, & just hope that they could fix it in the edit with some low-quality CGI. Everyday I thank God that we didn’t have to see that music video.

 

You know, there was a brief but delightful moment where ‘Stupid Love’ wasn’t going to be released as a single due to the leak. But we don’t have the joy of living in that timeline. I have no idea why this was Gaga’s ‘return to the dancefloor’, & I’m thankful for ‘Stupid Love’ only in that it makes it easier for us to rank Gaga’s lead singles.

But listen, as Little Monsters, we’re in this for the long haul. For every Grammy win, there is a year without a nomination. For every Top 10 hit, there’s a deep cut that we wish the GP would discover. & for every ‘turning up emotional faders, keep repeating self-hating phrases, I have heard enough of these voices, almost like I have no choice’, there’s a ‘freak out, freak out, freak out, freak out, look at me now ‘cause all I ever wanted was love, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, hey yeah hey yeah, I want your stupid love, love, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)’.

As the harbinger for everything that went wrong in 2020, an unholy portent of doom, ‘Stupid Love’ is best forgotten – & the consensus tonight clearly agrees. @Romkance didn’t leave comments, so we don’t know the powerful combination of drugs that led them to award this an 11/10, but you can see @leedeegaga’s attempt below.

Yes, this was my one (1) allotted rant post.

 

Comments:

@leedeegaga “It’s probably the only song from the album I listen to more than once a week. It’s catchy & what I would call a classic Gaga sound.”

Generic trash, this and rain on me can burn in hell 

[kimeow 173]

i was gonna give my 11 to 1000 Doves but had no interesting comment on it besides being my favorite song. so it went to ***** 

 

edit: sour candy under sine? oh that's not...

Edited May 31 by kimeow

[RebeldeFaith 5,340]

So, does this mean we are never getting the Sour Candy video? 

[SimonBaetens 8,294]

Just now, RebeldeFaith said:

So, does this mean we are never getting the Sour Candy video? 

yes

[PartySick 157,484]

2 minutes ago, LG2008 said:

I can't believe every song until now couldn't even average a 7  Some of you are tasteless... These songs lacked some things and more Gaga vibes but none are that bad to be below a 7 or almost a 7 if you wanna be very demanding 

Chromatica is far and away my least favorite and I think my lowest score was like a 5 or 6

Some of these gays are just ruthless

[lastpopicon 27,931]

Is enigma still alive? 

[Cruelty 6,172]

7 SINE FROM ABOVE – average 7.62

11 x 7 [ @RudraCNG @Poltergeist @uglysexy @elegidadedios @badboymonsterx @Quentin @Obman]; 10 x 26

The lows: 1 x 1 [ @Stephen]

‘Sine From Above’ was written in 2012 as a potential collaboration between Elton John & Axwell + Ingrosso. After eight years & twelve writers, it finally found its natural home on Chromatica, where it serves as a kind of keystone for the emotional journey that Gaga was portraying. Over post-apocalyptic dance-pop, Gaga tells a metaphorical tale of the healing power of music falling to earth & nurturing the spiritual plains, opening her up to a place where she not only can be, but actively wants to be, healed. Elton’s entirely superfluous backing vocals on verse 2 detract from that message slightly, but the breakneck drum-n-bass sprint to the finish is a genuine treat.

As Gaga’s ‘tribute to the very thing that has revived me, & that is music’, I think this is a lovely, formidable piece of music, & I’m glad to see it’s still resonating with fans, five years on. Oh, & if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend Zane Lowe’s The Chromatica Interview, in which a clearly stoned Gaga terrifies even the industry’s foremost yes-man with her theory ‘that the whole world was created by a feminine sound wave’ (the interview ends not long after).

 

Comments:

@RudraCNG “Underrated song. The ultimate ‘crying in the club’ song”

@uglysexy “Amazing song that encapsulates Chromatica's vibe perfectly. Deep soulful lyrics, ambient sounds, beautiful synths, big vocals (from both Gaga & Elton) & the finale that speeds up accompanied by the echos going in & out & the rapid strings(?) is truly the cherry on top.”

@elegidadedios “One of her best tracks ever… Breaking my silence”

[LG2008 5,007]

2 minutes ago, kimeow said:

i was gonna give my 11 to 1000 Doves but had no interesting comment on it besides being my favorite song. so it went to ***** 

 

edit: sour candy under sine? oh that's not...

I didn't comment on my 11  I should've 

[PartySick 157,484]

1 minute ago, lastpopicon said:

Is enigma still alive? 

Oh another one to add to the ban list

[SimonBaetens 8,294]

1 minute ago, Cruelty said:

7 SINE FROM ABOVE – average 7.62

11 x 7 [ @RudraCNG @Poltergeist @uglysexy @elegidadedios @badboymonsterx @Quentin @Obman]; 10 x 26

The lows: 1 x 1 [ @Stephen]

‘Sine From Above’ was written in 2012 as a potential collaboration between Elton John & Axwell + Ingrosso. After eight years & twelve writers, it finally found its natural home on Chromatica, where it serves as a kind of keystone for the emotional journey that Gaga was portraying. Over post-apocalyptic dance-pop, Gaga tells a metaphorical tale of the healing power of music falling to earth & nurturing the spiritual plains, opening her up to a place where she not only can be, but actively wants to be, healed. Elton’s entirely superfluous backing vocals on verse 2 detract from that message slightly, but the breakneck drum-n-bass sprint to the finish is a genuine treat.

As Gaga’s ‘tribute to the very thing that has revived me, & that is music’, I think this is a lovely, formidable piece of music, & I’m glad to see it’s still resonating with fans, five years on. Oh, & if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend Zane Lowe’s The Chromatica Interview, in which a clearly stoned Gaga terrifies even the industry’s foremost yes-man with her theory ‘that the whole world was created by a feminine sound wave’ (the interview ends not long after).

 

Comments:

@RudraCNG “Underrated song. The ultimate ‘crying in the club’ song”

@uglysexy “Amazing song that encapsulates Chromatica's vibe perfectly. Deep soulful lyrics, ambient sounds, beautiful synths, big vocals (from both Gaga & Elton) & the finale that speeds up accompanied by the echos going in & out & the rapid strings(?) is truly the cherry on top.”

@elegidadedios “One of her best tracks ever… Breaking my silence”

this song would win eurovision

[LG2008 5,007]

1 minute ago, PartySick said:

Chromatica is far and away my least favorite and I think my lowest score was like a 5 or 6

Some of these gays are just ruthless

Same... It's my least favourite after listening to MAYHEM. I get reminded constantly of what Chroma could've been  but it's not a bad album, it's objectively good but completely watered down by a producer that took over 

[PartySick 157,484]

7 minutes ago, Cruelty said:

almost razor-focused on skewering different sectors of the music-buying public. ‘Sour Candy’ is one of the clearest examples of this, with its fanmade tracklist-ass title & its knock-off ‘Swish Swish’ club beat. It’s not Mozart. It’s not Bad Romance. Hell, it’s not all that far above 143

Wait don't y'all sleep on these posts, this is hilarious

[PartySick 157,484]

Just now, LG2008 said:

Same... It's my least favourite after listening to MAYHEM. I get reminded constantly of what Chroma could've been  but it's not a bad album, it's objectively good but completely watered down by a producer that took over 

Chromatica sounds like people's faces look when they get the fat sucked out of their cheeks

[Cruelty 6,172]

6 ENIGMA – average 8.03

11 x 13 [ @princedeeblebleble @HeavyMetal Halcyon @Keeo @eifulien @MACATL @Doroteyo  @BeyonkaAte @Juliandante @huttont @lastpopicon @BigDreamer @TheSine @G U C C I]; 10 x 23

The lows: 2 x 1 [ @ManMan]

Oddly enough, I’d argue that it’s everything around the album that made Chromatica a triumph. Take, for example, Gaga’s career-best visuals, courtesy of Norbert Schoerner (including one of the all-time best pop album covers). Or that night at the VMAs where Gags just went full imperial phase. Or the Chromatica Ball, Gaga’s first ever stadium tour (unless you’re listening to that pedantic GGD user who was screaming about the distinction between ballparks & football stadiums until he turned into a corn cob). For me, one song particularly shone on that tour, & that was ‘Enigma’. Performing on a B-stage, surrounded by 50,000 fans screaming every lyric, that was the point in the performance where Gaga became the ultimate triumphant rockstar. & that feels right for a song where Gaga seems to be slowly but surely regaining her self-assurance.

One of the first five tracks recorded for Chromatica (& allegedly even rehearsed for the launch of the residency which took its name), ‘Enigma’ is one of a handful of tracks on Chromatica that really synthesise the 90s classic house influences to their full potential. Who even knows what it’s about? Who cares? Sixth place feels about right for a song that risks bopping too close to the sun, but doesn’t feel like it has anything particularly sophisticated to say.

 

Comments:

@princedeeblebleble “It's an amazing song, the build up, the flow, the vocals… & an actual chorus? Slay mama!”

@HeavyMetal Halcyon “In my opinion, the best in her discography. I’ll never get over it. After digging through the stems, I discovered the song is incredibly deep, layered with incredible 90s house samples,  vocal loops, Sweeping disco violins, & of course, her incredible powerhouse vocals. The lyrics are also truly at the heart of Chromatica. They’re otherworldly & fantastical. I don’t think it should have been a single, but I do believe it’s a must listen for everyone.”

@Keeo “Enigma is out of this world”

@eifulien “Simply ethereal & severely underrated”

@MACATL “Classic Gaga power growl vocals that hit just right.”

@Doroteyo “in a world where solely alice, replay, enigma & babylon are deserving of accolades, I'll give my 11 to what I see as the underdog of the immaculate 4. The powerhouse vocals & mystical vibe (i m still unsure what the song's about) may not quite live up to MAYHEM's similar tone & force, but they sure were a great appetizer for what followed with Vanish Into You, Kill for Love & the likes.”

@BeyonkaAte “Top 10 in her discography i fear......... when i first heard it, made me want to launch myself out of a window & ram my head straight into a brick wall WHHEEEWWWWW what a SONG”

@Juliandante “Although Babylon is my favourite song off This álbum, Enigma is unique. So energetic, so strong & bold. I really believe that, in the context of the album, Enigma stands out. It’S not “out of place”, it belongs to This album but, to me, is the most Gaga song.”

@huttont “I’m just never not in the mood to listen to Enigma.”

@lastpopicon “It’s an enigma.”

@BigDreamer “Enigma was always one of my album’s favourites, but The Chromatica Ball solidified my appreciation for the song!”

@G U C C I “Enigma live at Chromatica was one of her best performances for me. Is one of only three songs from the album I even like.”

[PartySick 157,484]

Just now, Cruelty said:

6 ENIGMA – average 8.03

11 x 13 [ @princedeeblebleble @HeavyMetal Halcyon @Keeo @eifulien @MACATL @Doroteyo  @BeyonkaAte @Juliandante @huttont @lastpopicon @BigDreamer @TheSine @G U C C I]; 10 x 23

The lows: 2 x 1 [ @ManMan]

Oddly enough, I’d argue that it’s everything around the album that made Chromatica a triumph. Take, for example, Gaga’s career-best visuals, courtesy of Norbert Schoerner (including one of the all-time best pop album covers). Or that night at the VMAs where Gags just went full imperial phase. Or the Chromatica Ball, Gaga’s first ever stadium tour (unless you’re listening to that pedantic GGD user who was screaming about the distinction between ballparks & football stadiums until he turned into a corn cob). For me, one song particularly shone on that tour, & that was ‘Enigma’. Performing on a B-stage, surrounded by 50,000 fans screaming every lyric, that was the point in the performance where Gaga became the ultimate triumphant rockstar. & that feels right for a song where Gaga seems to be slowly but surely regaining her self-assurance.

One of the first five tracks recorded for Chromatica (& allegedly even rehearsed for the launch of the residency which took its name), ‘Enigma’ is one of a handful of tracks on Chromatica that really synthesise the 90s classic house influences to their full potential. Who even knows what it’s about? Who cares? Sixth place feels about right for a song that risks bopping too close to the sun, but doesn’t feel like it has anything particularly sophisticated to say.

 

Comments:

@princedeeblebleble “It's an amazing song, the build up, the flow, the vocals… & an actual chorus? Slay mama!”

@HeavyMetal Halcyon “In my opinion, the best in her discography. I’ll never get over it. After digging through the stems, I discovered the song is incredibly deep, layered with incredible 90s house samples,  vocal loops, Sweeping disco violins, & of course, her incredible powerhouse vocals. The lyrics are also truly at the heart of Chromatica. They’re otherworldly & fantastical. I don’t think it should have been a single, but I do believe it’s a must listen for everyone.”

@Keeo “Enigma is out of this world”

@eifulien “Simply ethereal & severely underrated”

@MACATL “Classic Gaga power growl vocals that hit just right.”

@Doroteyo “in a world where solely alice, replay, enigma & babylon are deserving of accolades, I'll give my 11 to what I see as the underdog of the immaculate 4. The powerhouse vocals & mystical vibe (i m still unsure what the song's about) may not quite live up to MAYHEM's similar tone & force, but they sure were a great appetizer for what followed with Vanish Into You, Kill for Love & the likes.”

@BeyonkaAte “Top 10 in her discography i fear......... when i first heard it, made me want to launch myself out of a window & ram my head straight into a brick wall WHHEEEWWWWW what a SONG”

@Juliandante “Although Babylon is my favourite song off This álbum, Enigma is unique. So energetic, so strong & bold. I really believe that, in the context of the album, Enigma stands out. It’S not “out of place”, it belongs to This album but, to me, is the most Gaga song.”

@huttont “I’m just never not in the mood to listen to Enigma.”

@lastpopicon “It’s an enigma.”

@BigDreamer “Enigma was always one of my album’s favourites, but The Chromatica Ball solidified my appreciation for the song!”

@G U C C I “Enigma live at Chromatica was one of her best performances for me. Is one of only three songs from the album I even like.”

My baby almost made it to the top 5