2School4Cool 6,239 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 In 2020 (Chromatica era) I struggled with depression in a real way for the first time. I compared myself to everyone, sulked over experienced I’d yet to have, beat myself up, sat in my room all day feeling sorry for myself and worrying about stuff that didn’t matter. I was at my lowest and such a big part of that was due to the pandemic and needing to isolate from things that brought me distraction and joy. Now, I can truly say that I am content, fully happy, and so, so proud of myself and the work I’ve done. I’ve lived a lot of life, I’ve earned a masters degree, started my career, and have even stumbled upon a second career option for something else I’m equally passionate about. Not only am I happy with what’s happening now, I’m truly excited for my future. I’m just in a great place and I truly love the person that I’ve turned into. It’s crazy comparing two times in my life that don’t feel very far apart. “Swings and roundabouts” as they say See The Best In Everyone 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jarvin 1,347 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 1 minute ago, 2School4Cool said: In 2020 (Chromatica era) I struggled with depression in a real way for the first time. I compared myself to everyone, sulked over experienced I’d yet to have, beat myself up, sat in my room all day feeling sorry for myself and worrying about stuff that didn’t matter. I was at my lowest and such a big part of that was due to the pandemic and needing to isolate from things that brought me distraction and joy. Now, I can truly say that I am content, fully happy, and so, so proud of myself and the work I’ve done. I’ve lived a lot of life, I’ve earned a masters degree, started my career, and have even stumbled upon a second career option for something else I’m equally passionate about. Not only am I happy with what’s happening now, I’m truly excited for my future. I’m just in a great place and I truly love the person that I’ve turned into. It’s crazy comparing two times in my life that don’t feel very far apart. “Swings and roundabouts” as they say Beautiful love, I am proud of you. You earned it yourself ❤️ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 2 minutes ago, PartySick said: Started having casual hookups with guys I trusted before realizing that it's a form of psychological self harm for me. God, so much that was relatable in your response but this one really hit home. I had a hook up for the first time in YEARS a few weeks ago and it was just dreadful. When I was younger I loved it, but now I've got a few years on me () I see it's just a recipe for loneliness. Being fruity is hard on these vegetable [straight] streets. Paws up my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
2School4Cool 6,239 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 4 minutes ago, PartySick said: I lost my grandpa I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ve been there and I know how painful it can be. Sending love 4 minutes ago, PartySick said: Started having casual hookups with guys I trusted before realizing that it's a form of psychological self harm for me. And this is too real See The Best In Everyone Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
2School4Cool 6,239 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 2 minutes ago, HelloHangoverz said: Being fruity is hard on these vegetable [straight] streets I’m stealing this line tyvm See The Best In Everyone 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 4 minutes ago, 2School4Cool said: I’m stealing this line tyvm I will claim no copyright my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
juicyjuicy 1,909 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) I was just starting to date my boyfriend at the time (now ex unfortunately). I was stuck at home in a different country to him due to Covid/lockdown without a passport or valid visa to return to the UK (where my boyfriend was). He would video call me every day (despite the time zone difference) and make me laugh. He knew I loved Gaga so decided to give Chromatica a listen (he doesn’t normally listen to new pop) and said it was “good” and we ended up going to the TCB tour together in London in 2022 (where he finally got to see her live). Fast forward to today. I’m in my early 30s and single again. It has been about 8 months since we broke up. I still miss and think about him every day. I knew he wasn’t right for me, but I will always love him and cherish the memories he gave me and the magic we created together. I just became a homeowner in London too and am well on my way to getting dual citizenship. Edited January 25 by juicyjuicy 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PartySick 148,020 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 5 minutes ago, HelloHangoverz said: God, so much that was relatable in your response but this one really hit home. I had a hook up for the first time in YEARS a few weeks ago and it was just dreadful. When I was younger I loved it, but now I've got a few years on me () I see it's just a recipe for loneliness. Being fruity is hard on these vegetable [straight] streets. Paws up 4 minutes ago, 2School4Cool said: I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ve been there and I know how painful it can be. Sending love And this is too real Trigger warning? Also NSFW Spoiler I'm a survivor of both childhood SA and assault from a boyfriend of about two years so it kinda warped sex for me. I was with a friend's bf (consensual, I've also hooked up with that friend) and when I was uncomfortable he didn't stop. Totally put me in flashback mode and I shut down for a bit. But then I saw him again and after a lot of reflection I realized I wasn't really enjoying myself. It was more like...ya know how you can press on a bruise and it feels good? Or some people cut themselves to feel better? It's like that but mentally. I was pressing on the trauma to hurt myself. I have so much work to do on myself it's not even funny Sorry if that's a downer I'm just like 🧍♂️ 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murakami27 1,819 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 It’s been…Mayhem 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
princedeeblebleble 831 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 Well during the Chromatica era I was very single dating horrible guys, stuck in a job I absolutely LOATHED while going through the disaster of my mother having a stroke and brain surgery and trying to help her while most my family were useless twats and teaching a grown man (my father) to be a help at the household and not a baby. All while dealing with severe panic attacks and extreme anxiety and burnout. So in many ways most of Chromatica hit way too close at home with the lyrical content. Now I've been doing teraphy since 2022, I have a basically dream job, a gr8 boyfriend and am quite in a good place and kind of learning to be happy? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 1 minute ago, PartySick said: Trigger warning? Also NSFW Hide contents I'm a survivor of both childhood SA and assault from a boyfriend of about two years so it kinda warped sex for me. I was with a friend's bf (consensual, I've also hooked up with that friend) and when I was uncomfortable he didn't stop. Totally put me in flashback mode and I shut down for a bit. But then I saw him again and after a lot of reflection I realized I wasn't really enjoying myself. It was more like...ya know how you can press on a bruise and it feels good? Or some people cut themselves to feel better? It's like that but mentally. I was pressing on the trauma to hurt myself. I have so much work to do on myself it's not even funny Sorry if that's a downer God that's not even a downer, please don't be paranoid. I spend my life one thin sheet away at all times from speaking like that, But then the people I'm speaking with judge me for it so I retreat into my shell lmao. I think that's the springboard though. You know your starting point. You know your brokenness. Now it's time to heal, however long that takes. Me too!! I'm on this journey too. I'm so broken it hurts. But I'm healing! And so are you. I think this is a universal part of being LGBTQ tbh. my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 3 minutes ago, Murakami27 said: It’s been…Mayhem my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 2 minutes ago, princedeeblebleble said: learning to be happy Well that inspires me. Because I'm aspiring to be learning to be happy...so you are my goals!! my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloHangoverz 16,049 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 10 minutes ago, juicyjuicy said: I was just starting to date my boyfriend at the time (now ex unfortunately). I was stuck at home in a different country to him due to Covid/lockdown without a passport or valid visa to return to the UK (where my boyfriend was). He would video call me every day (despite the time zone difference) and make me laugh. He knew I loved Gaga so decided to give Chromatica a listen (he doesn’t normally listen to new pop) and said it was “good” and we ended up going to the TCB tour together in London in 2022 (where he finally got to see her live). Fast forward to today. I’m in my early 30s and single again. It has been about 8 months since we broke up. I still miss and think about him every day. I knew he wasn’t right for me, but I will always love him and cherish the memories he gave me and the magic we created together. I just became a homeowner in London too and am well on my way to getting dual citizenship. You are in your beautiful transition. One day this limbo will feel like a chilling liminal space, and your real love will blast the old one out like an unwelcome bad smell. I know it my head is filled with broken mirrors, so many I can't look away 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEdgeof96 382 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 When Chromatica came out, I was 24. I had moved from Seattle to Nashville in August 2018 for my first job after graduating college. I’d had a rough time in 2017 after a bad relationship/situationship and thought moving would be a clean start. The first 6 months in Nashville were great—liked living in downtown, found a happy and health relationship, and things were great. By the time Chromatica came out, I had fallen down a hole. The job was killing me, I felt isolated because my “friends” were my partner’s friends (and we didn’t really like each other) while my friends/family were all in WA. I had my partner, partner’s friends, and work. We had been living together so were around each other 24x7, then Covid happened and we were living in a studio apartment in downtown Nashville, both WFH. I just withdrew and was in the deepest depression. I wasn’t happy in my relationship, in work, in living in Nashville (culturally, politically, religiously, even climatically). Chromatica was such a deeply personal album for me because it made me face all o my feelings and made me feel less alone at a time where it felt no one in my life saw how lost I was. I still remember the first time I was alone in the apartment dancing around and Fun Tonight came on and stopped me in my tracks. It was the first time I allowed myself to think I’m not happy—this isn’t the life I want. It still took until June 2021 to formally end things and move back to WA to put myself back together. Almost 4 years later and I’m in the best part of my life. I’m happy and healthy, living in a place I feel the most at peace, work’s going well, everything’s so great (aside from dating LOL). Now that I’m in a good place, it’s also interesting to be able to listen to Chromatica without being sad or feeling so isolated. It’s become a more joyous album over time and I appreciate it more now than I did even then. It feels like I’ve danced through the pain after all these years and can now just enjoy being present. Hearing about the themes of LG7 has been interesting because my emotions and periods of my life tend to mirror eras. The past year or so, probably as I’m nearing the end of my 20s, I’ve been very reflective on my past. Reflecting on traumas, relationships, regrets, mistakes, everything that’s happened and the consequences of it all. I’m excited to hear the album and see how much I relate to it and where I’m at now, looking back now that I’m in a better place. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Featured Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.