Stood up AGAIN

[hELXIG 43,031]

Idk if any of you remember my thread about 3 weeks ago where I detailed being stood up at the movies by my supposed 'best friend' of 25 years... but it happened again tonight and I'm not happy. I'm basically just writing this out to vent because idk who else to talk to about it.

So basically a few nights ago she invited me to dinner at a nice restaurant and said she'd call to book a table, because they were having 2-for-1 mains and we were supposed to catch up for once and for all, and she said she really wanted to talk about life stuff. I message her this morning saying I can't wait to catch up, and get no response (which should've been my red flag) So tonight I get myself all ready, nice clothes, perfume, shave, makeup. I wait around all day until it's time, leave the house and drive around town a few times until I found a park. Get to the restaurant right on 6:30 when we decided to meet and greet the door lady, only to find out there is no table booked under her name or my name... great start, but she finds a table for me anyway right across from the bar. I message her to say I'm here and that there wasn't a table booked but I have one secured anyway and look forward to seeing her.

 So I'm sitting there waiting for her to arrive... 6:40... 6:50... 7:00... now I've been waiting for 30 minutes alone. During this time each wait staff has come over separately to ask if I've been seen, or if I'm still waiting for someone. They know I showed up earlier asking for a table that was never booked, and I'm noticing them kinda looking over every now and again from the bar and I realise that they all know I've been stood up. Finally at 7:05 one of the girls comes over to me, with sympathy in her eyes, and asks if I'm okay. ****ing humiliating. Thank god I'm secure enough these days to not worry too much what people think of me. I call my friend and the call gets cut off after a few rings. So I swallow my pride and just leave the restaurant, walk out in the cold alone in front of the whole restaurant and the staff without eating. I was really looking forward to eating there as well, so instead I went to the supermarket and bought ingredients to cook myself some of my favourite food as comfort.

I'm so pissed off. I don't give a sh.it about her mental health, this is the final straw. She's now lost the only friend who has bothered to stick by her. Even my therapist after the last time this happened advised that I stop trying, because it's only enabling her terrible behaviour, and that by sticking around I can't help her if she's self-destructing anyway. So yeah, I'm done with it. Until she can make the effort to come to me and whole-heartedly apologise in person, and is willing to really prove to me that she can change her actions, and really work to regain my trust, it's over.

Thanks for listening to my ramble 

Update, at now 10pm she's finally opened my Snapchat messages about how embarrassed I was to have to leave alone, and not even replied. I can't believe this behaviour

[Miichael 1,165]

Omg what even? I- That's so rude. Why would someone even do that in the first place and then to ignore your messages and calls too 

Some people don't realise who the best people are who have been there for them until they leave and by then it's too late 

V sorry that happened to you 

[gag 22,449]

CUT

HER

OFF

[RAMROD 109,563]

Fam, sorry this happen to you again, but don't bother with her apology. She will do the same thing again even after that. Some habits die hard. 
 

A lot of my advice or opinion here may seems rough, but trust me I will only give you the realest shxt. Being kind is overrated, especially when they are doing it to hide their true colors/motive/feelings, people need to be real more often.

[Focus 2,456]

I'd honestly call her and give her a piece of my mind if she's showing no empathy twice and wasted your time like that.

[efrs 435]

You have every right to feel angry/upset/however it is that you feel. I’m annoyed with you! You deserve a friend who is going to show up for you and invest just as much energy into the relationship as you do. It seems right now she just can’t do that and while it really sucks, I think it’s best to just protect your energy and maintain a loving distance from her until she gets her act together. Wishing you the best 

[dynamite 59,325]

Omg that's disgusting, selfish behaviour. There is no excuse for her doing that once, let alone twice. Don't waste your time on her again even if she apologises.

[hELXIG 43,031]

4 minutes ago, gag said:

CUT

HER

OFF

 

I already am

 

2 minutes ago, RAMROD said:

Fam, sorry this happen to you again, but don't bother with her apology. She will do the same thing again even after that. Some habits die hard. 
 

A lot of my advice or opinion here may seems rough, but trust me I will only give you the realest shxt. Being kind is overrated, especially when they are doing it to hide their true colors/motive/feelings, people need to be real more often.

If she weren't my lifelong friend for 25 years I would making making efforts this moment to completely erase her from my life, but it's different. For now the friendship is off, but she can repair it only if she's willing to put in some major effort to trust-restoration, and that would take a lot of time. But I can't see her doing that so it's essentially over. But you're right, apologies mean absolutely nothing without actions behind them. I give people a chance to make a mistake, and if it happens again that's it.

You have to be real sometimes. I'm a very blunt person and take no sh.it from people these days, because my kindness (or what I see now as passiveness) in the past has led to me being taken advantage of time and time again, so I've learnt from that. I look out for myself because you have to.

 

3 minutes ago, April 25 said:

I'd honestly call her and give her a piece of my mind if she's showing no empathy twice and wasted your time like that.

I would but she won't answer her phone. And I know her well enough to know that if I send a long text she just won't even read it. She just avoids confrontation with a massive 'if I don't see it it isn't happening' attitude. It's f.ucking ridiculous. I can't even say what needs to be said even though I want to. I know exactly what I need to say and what she needs to hear

[hELXIG 43,031]

1 minute ago, efrs said:

You have every right to feel angry/upset/however it is that you feel. I’m annoyed with you! You deserve a friend who is going to show up for you and invest just as much energy into the relationship as you do. It seems right now she just can’t do that and while it really sucks, I think it’s best to just protect your energy and maintain a loving distance from her until she gets her act together. Wishing you the best 

I do deserve to have good friends around me. I try so hard to be a really caring and supportive and thoughtful friend to those around me, and I just don't seem to get that back from people. I really need at least one good friend in my life, honestly it's killing me. You're right, I'm keeping distance from these kinds of people. Thank you 

 

Just now, dynamite said:

Omg that's disgusting, selfish behaviour. There is no excuse for her doing that once, let alone twice. Don't waste your time on her again.

I'm definitely not going to. I was shocked after last time that she would be so disrespectful, so I really didn't expect it to happen again. Twice in a row is just absurd and unforgiveable 

[Kadikaado 4,302]

At the smallest sign of lack of interest retribute.

[Lona Delery 7,214]

block her everywhere and be done with it, this is unacceptable

[COOOK 76,406]

I just went through something similar and my advice would be to stop trying. Actions speak louder than words, and she already showed she has no interest, nor did she invest in your friendship as much as you did so do yourself a favor and don't text or call her anymore. Move on with your life with dignity.

People like that don't deserve you, and you'll see that in time she'll miss having someone as loyal as you around her, which by then you've already moved on, hopefully to a happier place mentally. This is working on self-love, letting go and valuing yourself so take on this new journey and you'll feel much much better in time, trust me.

Oh and don't take into consideration the fact that you've been 25 years together. She clearly hasn't with her behavior. You either grow together, or grow apart, and we know which one's about this case. Sending you love.

[Glamourpuss 29,062]

When I first started reading I thought she's going to cancel because of her anxiety and then when I read she left you waiting and cancelled your call when you tried to phone her I thought she was a crappy friend. I'm sorry but I don't think she values you as a friend. You don't treat friends like that. Next time (if there's a next time) you have to make her go to all the effort and it will be a surprise for her if you turn up or not.

[A MESS 3,938]

Honey this is not right, I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. Just listen to your therapist and value your time better. I know it can be bitter to move on, leave her behind, especially if you think she is in need, but you can't let her trumple (or trample?) you like this. You deserve respect! What comfort food you had?

[Killa 17,476]

I do remember you Talking about this very vaguely. Im so sorry please try to forget her. Youre a lovely person but enough is enough