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RuPaul Gets Candid About Open Marriage, Calls Monogamy a 'Hoax'

littlepotter
22 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

My question is to anyone who is in a open relationship is - why call yourselves a couple at all? Why can't you simply be friends who live together and have sex? Because that would be a far more apt description of what you're doing. 

This sounds like you just have an issue with the name..? Like sure I can call my boyfriend "hi friend who lives with me and has sex with me"... what would that change in our relationship? 

22 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

A romantic relationship without fidelity removes probably the most crucial part of its definition. If there's no fidelity, why call it a romantic relationship at all?

Because I love him...  And I want to spend my life with him? Let's say he'd lost his genitals, would that mean he is unworthy of love? I don't see why you guys are equating love with sex. Love is not equal to sex. Sex is ramming genitals together for bodily pleasures. Love is... different for every single couple. Now maybe we have different ideas of an open relationship - mine (since you asked above) is basically "I love you and I love having sex with you but if you ever want to experiment sexually with someone else I will consider it". Doesn't mean we do it without telling the other person, doesn't mean we have to agree (we can say no I don't feel comfortable with you doing this and that would be the end of it). The point is I love his existence, and I don't mind if he wants/he doesn't mind if I want to experiment and shake things up sexually. Maybe you're talking about polyamory which is a completely different territory.

can you hear me come undone?
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MonsterInThe6
26 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

My question is to anyone who is in a open relationship is - why call yourselves a couple at all? Why can't you simply be friends who live together and have sex? Because that would be a far more apt description of what you're doing. A romantic relationship without fidelity removes probably the most crucial part of its definition. If there's no fidelity, why call it a romantic relationship at all? It's odd that basically the only difference between them being your friend and your lover is that you have sex. The whole point of pursuing romance is that it involves doing stuff that you don't do with anyone else, otherwise, why bother pursuing it?

 

Because being a couple and being in love is much more than just sex and I think as some others have mentioned before, sex does not equal love and sex does not equal romance. I am in love with my husband and want me future to be with him and want to experience life with him but we are open. It is a matter of maturity to understand sex is simply physical urges. If you're falling in love from having sex with someone then that's a different story. 

If you think the only difference between being a friend and (i reluctantly use this word because I would use partner or husband) lover is sex, then i have doubts if you have actually been in love with someone. The connection I have with my husband goes far beyond sex. 

As a side comment, so we're all talking about open marriages/relationships when you can each go do your own thing. But I am interested in your thoughts about threesomes then, since both parties would be present.

That is simply my point of view and what works for me and my life. I accept what other people do as it does not affect me. 

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Daylight Jokers

I don't mind people in polygamous relationships, but I don't think I'm ever gonna be interested in being a part of it.  Especially open marriages. I don't want my kids asking where their dad's currently at, or telling them that he's having a 'boy's night' with their uncle Brad. And...

Spoiler

joey doesnt share food GIF 

 

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StrawberryBlond
1 hour ago, littlepotter said:

This sounds like you just have an issue with the name..? Like sure I can call my boyfriend "hi friend who lives with me and has sex with me"... what would that change in our relationship? 

Because I love him...  And I want to spend my life with him? Let's say he'd lost his genitals, would that mean he is unworthy of love? I don't see why you guys are equating love with sex. Love is not equal to sex. Sex is ramming genitals together for bodily pleasures. Love is... different for every single couple. Now maybe we have different ideas of an open relationship - mine (since you asked above) is basically "I love you and I love having sex with you but if you ever want to experiment sexually with someone else I will consider it". Doesn't mean we do it without telling the other person, doesn't mean we have to agree (we can say no I don't feel comfortable with you doing this and that would be the end of it). The point is I love his existence, and I don't mind if he wants/he doesn't mind if I want to experiment and shake things up sexually. Maybe you're talking about polyamory which is a completely different territory.

It is the name more than anything. I think if more people approached it as a friends with benefits angle, more open relationships would work it. It's labelling it a romantic relationship that causes jealousy issues to arise. If you start thinking you love each other more than friends and don't want to have sex with others, than you can call it a relationship and make it exclusive. This is why I also believe it's best to pursue open relationships right from the start. Being an exclusive couple and then deciding to be open one day rarely doesn't cause problems.

You can love someone as a friend and want to spend the rest of your life with them. There's more than one way to live your life and if that involves living with a friend who you have sex with in the place of an exclusive romantic partner, then so be it. It's not that I can't differentiate between sex and love it's that as someone who wants exclusive partnerships as most people do, it's that I believe that when you're in love with someone, you only want sex with them. It's part of the contract you enter into when you start a romantic relationship - there is now stuff that only we can do together that we don't do with others. If you want a life of having sex with lots of people, then don't pursue relationships. If you want to have a steady life of living with one person who you love but still crave sex with others, then live together as friends with benefits. That seems like the healthiest approach to me. But I fail to see how romantic a relationship can be when you're having sex with other people. I can't work out how you can't feel jealous about that, especially if the other person is better looking than you and different to you in every way. That would suggest my partner was trying anything in their power to forget about and escape from me.

No, I'm not talking about polyamory (I assume you mean those who fall in love with multiple people?), I know the difference.

1 hour ago, MonsterInThe6 said:

Because being a couple and being in love is much more than just sex and I think as some others have mentioned before, sex does not equal love and sex does not equal romance. I am in love with my husband and want me future to be with him and want to experience life with him but we are open. It is a matter of maturity to understand sex is simply physical urges. If you're falling in love from having sex with someone then that's a different story. 

If you think the only difference between being a friend and (i reluctantly use this word because I would use partner or husband) lover is sex, then i have doubts if you have actually been in love with someone. The connection I have with my husband goes far beyond sex. 

As a side comment, so we're all talking about open marriages/relationships when you can each go do your own thing. But I am interested in your thoughts about threesomes then, since both parties would be present.

That is simply my point of view and what works for me and my life. I accept what other people do as it does not affect me. 

Not saying it's just about sex, but it is a crucial part of being with someone, unless it's an asexual partnership. Sex is the ultimate way that you differentiate between your friends and your partner. It's the most intimate thing you can do with someone, so it makes sense that you only do that with the person you love. There's a reason why we say sexual desire is the difference between a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend when a kid asks.

No, I've never been in love with someone but that doesn't mean I can't understand the concept of it and what I want from it. You can truly connect with someone to the point where they're your soulmate but that doesn't have to be your romantic partner, it can be your friend. The connection going "far beyond sex" therefore doesn't really mean much. The main thing that makes want our other halves to be faithful is pride. We can't take the pain and humiliation of someone else taking our place, particularly if they seem better than us.

I don't agree with threesomes either. This time, the other person's right in front of you, so the jealousy is off the scale. The reason why I don't have any same-sex fantasies even though I'm bi-curious is because in the realm of sex, other women are nothing more than competition in my eyes. I want to be the only girl in the room so I'm guaranteed to be the hottest girl in the room and the one anyone has eyes for. That's why I don't get why couples could do threesomes with someone who's on their level of attractiveness or even one iota hotter. There should be no wandering eyes in the bedroom.

If it works for you, then fine. But just be aware that there's a good reason why it doesn't work out when many try it. Monogamy may not be the most natural thing in the world but jealousy is 100% natural.

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littlepotter
5 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

It is the name more than anything. I think if more people approached it as a friends with benefits angle, more open relationships would work it. It's labelling it a romantic relationship that causes jealousy issues to arise. If you start thinking you love each other more than friends and don't want to have sex with others, than you can call it a relationship and make it exclusive. This is why I also believe it's best to pursue open relationships right from the start. Being an exclusive couple and then deciding to be open one day rarely doesn't cause problems.

You can love someone as a friend and want to spend the rest of your life with them. There's more than one way to live your life and if that involves living with a friend who you have sex with in the place of an exclusive romantic partner, then so be it. It's not that I can't differentiate between sex and love it's that as someone who wants exclusive partnerships as most people do, it's that I believe that when you're in love with someone, you only want sex with them. It's part of the contract you enter into when you start a romantic relationship - there is now stuff that only we can do together that we don't do with others. If you want a life of having sex with lots of people, then don't pursue relationships. If you want to have a steady life of living with one person who you love but still crave sex with others, then live together as friends with benefits. That seems like the healthiest approach to me. But I fail to see how romantic a relationship can be when you're having sex with other people. I can't work out how you can't feel jealous about that, especially if the other person is better looking than you and different to you in every way. That would suggest my partner was trying anything in their power to forget about and escape from me.

No, I'm not talking about polyamory (I assume you mean those who fall in love with multiple people?), I know the difference.

Not saying it's just about sex, but it is a crucial part of being with someone, unless it's an asexual partnership. Sex is the ultimate way that you differentiate between your friends and your partner. It's the most intimate thing you can do with someone, so it makes sense that you only do that with the person you love. There's a reason why we say sexual desire is the difference between a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend when a kid asks.

No, I've never been in love with someone but that doesn't mean I can't understand the concept of it and what I want from it. You can truly connect with someone to the point where they're your soulmate but that doesn't have to be your romantic partner, it can be your friend. The connection going "far beyond sex" therefore doesn't really mean much. The main thing that makes want our other halves to be faithful is pride. We can't take the pain and humiliation of someone else taking our place, particularly if they seem better than us.

I don't agree with threesomes either. This time, the other person's right in front of you, so the jealousy is off the scale. The reason why I don't have any same-sex fantasies even though I'm bi-curious is because in the realm of sex, other women are nothing more than competition in my eyes. I want to be the only girl in the room so I'm guaranteed to be the hottest girl in the room and the one anyone has eyes for. That's why I don't get why couples could do threesomes with someone who's on their level of attractiveness or even one iota hotter. There should be no wandering eyes in the bedroom.

If it works for you, then fine. But just be aware that there's a good reason why it doesn't work out when many try it. Monogamy may not be the most natural thing in the world but jealousy is 100% natural.

The thing is all you're saying is valid but as an opinion. You are wording it as if it's a fact. Do you also reject the spectrum identity? If not then I don't see why you'd find it hard to accept that what may be true for you is not true for someone else. I never even came close to being jealous once in my whole year of dating. You brought it up so many times but I don't exactly get why I'd be jealous of someone if I'm confident in myself? 

Another thing that I never mentioned is that actually we did start out as friends with benefits. I used to sleep over and we'd fool around and we progressively caught feelings but we kept calling it fwb until we couldn't deny we were in love with each other. It's an extremely unconventional relationship but it's our relationship and it's been amazing thus far. As much as your opinion is valid it doesn't make sense for you to apply it to my or someone else's relationship because each is different.

can you hear me come undone?

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Florin

People here are acting like they see open relationships at every corner. :ladyhaha: stay calm. Monogamy ( and infidelity) is still the rule. RuPaul isnt the one guilty that your ex slept with someone else.

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Gov Hooka

Hoax is a weird word to use. He should have just said "monogamy isn't the norm. It's an option." But also smh at all the people saying that open relationships are a hoax in this thread 

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StrawberryBlond
2 hours ago, littlepotter said:

The thing is all you're saying is valid but as an opinion. You are wording it as if it's a fact. Do you also reject the spectrum identity? If not then I don't see why you'd find it hard to accept that what may be true for you is not true for someone else. I never even came close to being jealous once in my whole year of dating. You brought it up so many times but I don't exactly get why I'd be jealous of someone if I'm confident in myself? 

Another thing that I never mentioned is that actually we did start out as friends with benefits. I used to sleep over and we'd fool around and we progressively caught feelings but we kept calling it fwb until we couldn't deny we were in love with each other. It's an extremely unconventional relationship but it's our relationship and it's been amazing thus far. As much as your opinion is valid it doesn't make sense for you to apply it to my or someone else's relationship because each is different.

I'm not saying it's a fact. What's the spectrum identity? I'm not saying all open relationships fail but so many of them seem to have issues and the jealousy issue is the most pressing. So many open relationships are one person's idea and they convince the other person which is bound to cause problems. Perhaps ones who are on the same page from the start have a better outcome. I just think that jealousy can be present in everyone regardless of how confident they are in themselves. There must be some spark that goes off occasionally even if it just comes from pride?

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. There's exceptions to every rule. It's more a case of me trying to warn people who might be considering it as opposed to those who have done it for a while and are happy. It just seems to be a decision that so many people regret so I don't like to see it promoted as something trendy and progressive.

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MonsterInThe6
17 hours ago, StrawberryBlond said:

I'm not saying it's a fact. What's the spectrum identity? I'm not saying all open relationships fail but so many of them seem to have issues and the jealousy issue is the most pressing. So many open relationships are one person's idea and they convince the other person which is bound to cause problems. Perhaps ones who are on the same page from the start have a better outcome. I just think that jealousy can be present in everyone regardless of how confident they are in themselves. There must be some spark that goes off occasionally even if it just comes from pride?

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. There's exceptions to every rule. It's more a case of me trying to warn people who might be considering it as opposed to those who have done it for a while and are happy. It just seems to be a decision that so many people regret so I don't like to see it promoted as something trendy and progressive.

But if you dont want open relationships to be promoted, then i think neither should be promoted. Society and media has always told us that monogamy is the ultimate goal and being in an open relationship is very taboo.

My issue is people just accepting monogamy as the 'norm' because thats what we see and are told from a young age that its the only acceptable way. I just want people to be open minded and have open communication to find what suits them best and that just comes with life experience.

I see the main issue you have with it though is the jealousy part. I think its a matter of taking off the rules around sex and sexuality. 

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StrawberryBlond
3 minutes ago, MonsterInThe6 said:

But if you dont want open relationships to be promoted, then i think neither should be promoted. Society and media has always told us that monogamy is the ultimate goal and being in an open relationship is very taboo.

My issue is people just accepting monogamy as the 'norm' because thats what we see and are told from a young age that its the only acceptable way. I just want people to be open minded and have open communication to find what suits them best and that just comes with life experience.

I see the main issue you have with it though is the jealousy part. I think its a matter of taking off the rules around sex and sexuality. 

It would be very difficult not to promote or any in any way show monogamous relationships, it's what the majority of couples are in, after all. I'm all for only promoting the healthiest relationships that have a high degree of morality. I don't like to see anything advertised that encourages people to be promiscuous (hook up apps) or cheat (infidelity based dating sites) or to see people as pieces of meat (strip clubs). Maybe that makes me old-fashioned, but I think it just makes me healthy. I don't like to pursue things that can bring a lot of hardship and pain and open relationships frequently cause a lot of hurt. If people want to do it, they're free to, but I don't think it's something that should be promoted and encouraged.

In addition to the jealousy, it sounds exhausting and even me with my one track mind can't understand how someone can have their whole life revolving around thinking of sex all the time with other people. Most couples struggle to make time for each other what with all their life commitments. To attempt to make time for anyone other than your romantic partner sounds like a mammoth undertaking. I don't really even understand how single people find the time to sleep around, much less how you hold down a relationship with one person while pursuing others.

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MonsterInThe6
6 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

It would be very difficult not to promote or any in any way show monogamous relationships, it's what the majority of couples are in, after all. I'm all for only promoting the healthiest relationships that have a high degree of morality. I don't like to see anything advertised that encourages people to be promiscuous (hook up apps) or cheat (infidelity based dating sites) or to see people as pieces of meat (strip clubs). Maybe that makes me old-fashioned, but I think it just makes me healthy. I don't like to pursue things that can bring a lot of hardship and pain and open relationships frequently cause a lot of hurt. If people want to do it, they're free to, but I don't think it's something that should be promoted and encouraged.

In addition to the jealousy, it sounds exhausting and even me with my one track mind can't understand how someone can have their whole life revolving around thinking of sex all the time with other people. Most couples struggle to make time for each other what with all their life commitments. To attempt to make time for anyone other than your romantic partner sounds like a mammoth undertaking. I don't really even understand how single people find the time to sleep around, much less how you hold down a relationship with one person while pursuing others.

hahah i like the second paragraph. But thats why sometimes I would just want a quick hook up, get the deed done and go, doesnt have to have any feeling attached. 

To each their own, as long as people dont judge each other for their choices. I sensed a bit of judgement when you said about hook up apps. There is nothing wrong with being sexual and sleeping around (being safe), it might not be your cup of tea but just dont judge people that do. 

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StrawberryBlond
2 minutes ago, MonsterInThe6 said:

hahah i like the second paragraph. But thats why sometimes I would just want a quick hook up, get the deed done and go, doesnt have to have any feeling attached. 

To each their own, as long as people dont judge each other for their choices. I sensed a bit of judgement when you said about hook up apps. There is nothing wrong with being sexual and sleeping around (being safe), it might not be your cup of tea but just dont judge people that do. 

I don't like judging, but this arena gives me no choice but to do it somewhat. So many people have cheated through hook up apps. Finding someone to have sex with is much quicker and easier than it used to be and it means people can lead a double life that their partner knows nothing about. I don't want to do online dating because I simply don't trust people who use these services. These services have been the cause of so many relationship break-ups, its not even funny. For everyone who uses them responsibly and honestly, there will be even more who use them irresponsibly and dishonestly. And I have no time for cheaters.

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MonsterInThe6
Just now, StrawberryBlond said:

I don't like judging, but this arena gives me no choice but to do it somewhat. So many people have cheated through hook up apps. Finding someone to have sex with is much quicker and easier than it used to be and it means people can lead a double life that their partner knows nothing about. I don't want to do online dating because I simply don't trust people who use these services. These services have been the cause of so many relationship break-ups, its not even funny. For everyone who uses them responsibly and honestly, there will be even more who use them irresponsibly and dishonestly. And I have no time for cheaters.

100% agree. 

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jprince99x
On 1/13/2020 at 1:28 AM, littlepotter said:

It wouldn't be as funny

tenor.gif

How do I search for this gif been looking for it for months

Let’s have some fun this beat is Sapokanikan

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adamsenigma
On 1/13/2020 at 3:58 AM, August3 said:

If you really love someone, why would you want to f*ck someone else? 

With all due respect but that sounds dumb. It depends on the individual, but you CAN desire someone else in a sexual way, it has happened to me when I was with the man I have loved the most and still love, I adored him, but I realized that sometimes I fantaszied with other people and that's okay. 

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