A Tale of Three Sistrens

[bumblebee 2,528]

A TALE OF THREE SISTRENS

Three sistrens, travelling along a lonely, winding pop road at the twilight of decades reached a deep treacherous river of online music piracy in the USA in 1991, a river where many of those who used to swim in the 80s would drown. Learned in the management arts, the sistrens conjured some Washington lobby and made Congress pass the Audio Home Recording Act of 1992, the act which mandated that digital audio devices have copy protection baked into them, and it also imposed a tax on blank media to offset harms from digital piracy. The sistrens moved on. 

Halfway though the bridge, a hooded figure stood before them. The figure was the enraged spirit of Irrelevance, cheated of ha due. Irrelevancy cunningly pretended to congratulate them and proceeds to award them with gifts of their own choosing.

The eldest sistren, combative Janet Jackson asked for an album era more powerful than any in existence. Irrelevance granted her wish by fashioning the Rhythm Nation 1814 album from socially conscious lyrics of the late 80s.

The second sistren, an arrogant Mariah Carey who used to forget the name of one certain singer , asked for most weeks at Billboard Hot 100 number one position, and chose to further humiliate Irrelevance and asked ha for the power to recall the already-charted single from the grave. Irrelevance granted her wish by crafting the perfect pitch and 5-octave vocal range for Mariah and enabling her to record "All I Want for Christmas". 

The third and the youngest sistren, Madonna, who was also the wisest, did not trust Irrelevance and asked ha for something to enable her to go forth without Irrelevance being able to find her. A reluctant Irrelevance, most unwillingly, handed over the massive ticket-selling spell to Madonna.

The three sistrens took their prizes and soon went on their separate ways.

The eldest sistren's album Rhythm Nation 1984 was critically acclaimed for its social progressive message and became the only album in history to produce number one hits in three separate calendar years, as well as the only album to achieve seven top five singles on the Hot 100. Later, she sought out a duel and fought the wizard Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show, and the biased media conglomerates issued a boycott, including Viacom and CBS, subsidiaries MTV, Clear Channel Communications, and Infinity Broadcasting. That was when Irrelevancy took the first sistren.

The second sistren returned to her career where she sang alone. "Why can't I have a feature, though?" Mariah wondered. Turning her perfect pitch and 5-octave vocal range thrice in her chest, she summoned Boyz II Men, who at once recorded a duet with her, much to her delight. Their collaboration, One Sweet Day, remained atop the Hot 100 for a record-holding 16 weeks, and became the longest-running number-one song in history. Mariah Carey went on to spend a record 79 weeks at the number one position on the Billboard Hot 100 in the 90s. However, when the new music star dawned at 2009 , Mariah could no longer snatch a hit, and, driven mad with hopeless longing, she committed touring suicide by booking herself a Las Vegas residency. That was when Irrelevance took the second sistren.

Irrelevance searched for the youngest sistren as years passed but never succeeded. It was only when the third sistren reached a great age that she took off the ticket-selling spell. Greeting Irrelevance as an old friend, they departed this pop music as equals.

The question is, though: what would you rather see Lady Gaga enjoy with LG6: 

- an album with massive sales and streaming,

- a song that would spend 15 weeks at No.1 and finally come for that carly rae jepsen wig,

- or countless successful tours until the great age? 

Discuss  

Spoiler

This is obviously humor, I meant no disrespect towards those great ladies of pop 

 

[CautiousLurker 16,818]

12 minutes ago, bumblebee said:

The third and the youngest sistren, Madonna, who was also the wisest, did not trust Irrelevance and asked ha for something to enable her to go forth without Irrelevance being able to find her. A reluctant Irrelevance, most unwillingly, handed over the massive ticket-selling spell to Madonna.

 

You forgot the cloak that allowed Madonna to become virtually unrecognisable at will thus evading Irrelevance's notice for so many years

I'd rather Gaga had a massively successful album 

[TeenIdle 121,004]

26 minutes ago, bumblebee said:

The third and the youngest sistren, Madonna, who was also the wisest, did not trust Irrelevance and asked ha for something to enable her to go forth without Irrelevance being able to find her. A reluctant Irrelevance, most unwillingly, handed over the massive ticket-selling spell to Madonna.

In Oblivia?

[bumblebee 2,528]

Just now, TeenIdle said:

In Oblivia?

 

[TheRoof 21,600]

why is this Flopping , this was so entertaining to read 

@bumblebee i choose the first one 

don't know about what would choose  Madge tho 

[Stevo 623]

Lmao this was so funny wish it didnt flop