Headline slot

[ShockPop 7,747]

I'm so sweaty I'm considering rodgering myself with an ice pop. I need to unleash my Glastonbury thoughts. It's a big big deal to headline, and you can either amaze (Stevie Wonder, Beyonce, Metallica) or attempt to end your career (Kanye, Gorillaz). Either way, the world is watching and everyone will judge you.

Glastonbury is a festival of performing arts. The music stages are a very very small part of it. There are actors, dancers, artists and what can only be described as miscellaneous  (political calypso drag act throwing watermelon in the name of peace?). Gaga has been once, performed twice (or 3 times?) And got mass acclaim. I believe that it's a festival she could embrace (the police direct you to weed stalls ffs).

Let me begin.

The pyramid stage darkens in the night as a dramatic drum riff signals the lights to shut off. The screens begin to glow and the words "30 years building to this night" appear. We see short video clips, Baby Gaga playing piano, Gaga in a talent contest singing "I'm gonna change the world with my lips", Gaga playing in a bar with a band and then Gaga saying "It's  a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll" from her first glastonbury slot. The clips transition quicker and quicker with a dramatic drum. Recapping her career up to this point - standout performances, standout hits, shot clips of Elton, Gene Simmons, Sting & various respected legends praising her. The countdown starts from 10 to 0 as the moment gets closer.

Finally, the stage fills with smoke and spotlights  swirling as the first few bars of "Poker Face" play, complete with dramatic "muh muh muh muh". Gaga rises up out of the stage clad in a super reflective catsuit.

As the song finishes,  Gaga marches over to a grand piano and declares "I smell some weed, it's been a long time Glastonbury" she bursts into a rendition of You and I. After the first chorus, she abruptly stops. "There's something missing... Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome...queen!" Gaga finishes up you and I before marching to the middle of the stage where she picks up a mic stand to use. "They said I couldn't perform the sound of music at the Oscars and I did. They said I couldn't record a jazz album with Tony Bennett and I did.. so this one's for you assholes. .." Gaga performs the he'll out of bohemian rhapsody and sinks into the stage as it ends.

Brian May adds a guitar solo as Gaga changes into outfit number 2, fishnets/bandana etc. "If you've never been to a Lady Gaga show before, you better learn fast that I don't want your money, I want yur fkkn souls!" Gaga performs a medley of Judas, Telephone & Love Game, ending with the traditional "Dance you motherfkers!" Remix.

"Just Dance" performance has Gaga on the keytar. At the end of the performance, Gaga's dancers rise into the air looking like they've been hanged. Gaga sits at the grand piano as the bodies hang above and smoke brushes the stage in the breeze. She sings an acoustic rendition of the first verse and chorus of just dance, portraying a morbid aura. She continues by performing the full acoustic "Paparazzi" complete with piano solo intro.

Gaga lights the piano on fire and speaks to the audience about peace, love and marijuana. Gaga launches into a rendition of "Imagine" & "Speechless"

A video plays as Gaga changes outfits. It shows Gaga talking about jazz and singing it as a young girl. The video shows Tony Bennett and the Grammy win.

Gaga returns to the stage in a giant flowing dress made of jewels and white roses. Gaga introduces absolute legend: Tony Bennett! They perform "I can't give you anything but love". Tony leaves and Gaga performs la vi en rose.

As the song closes, dancers rip off Gaga's clothes to reveal a metal dress underneath. Gaga sings an abridged "Do what u want" before fire floods the pyramid stage for a performance of "Bad Romance" & "Applause". 

Gaga dissappear's into the smoke as the stage blacks out.

After 20 seconds, One spotlight shines down on a mic stand in the middle of the stage as Gaga approaches it in her versace  hooded Robe. "You know, I've been working for this moment my entire life and now, right now I'm on the edge with you all." Gaga performs "The Edge of Glory" as a nostalgic ballad, walking out to the crowd barrier to sing up close with the audience. As Gaga reaches the stage centre again she speaks about peace and love and "we just need to love each other,  because... it doesn't matter if you love him or capital HIM" Gaga performs "born this way" with all her dancers rushing the stage, confetti cannons shooting into the audience etc. Gaga sings the first line of the song again acapella to close, before thanking the festival.

 

I'd.  Was bored.

[johnpe 916]

Wow your imagination is amazing I want some of it. 

[The Child 18,997]

That's amazing 

[Quasi 10,935]

The dialogue that you imagined Gaga speaking tho. You know her too well haha. Hard to imagine Gaga is turning 30 next year when I remember her saying she was 22 years old. A Glastonbury set like yours is perfect for a recap of all her current accomplishments and can definitely serve as hype for all her future ones.