Making music for me

[Schwerk 7,001]

I feel like sharing something. I waited listening to Harlequin today because I haven't been doing well mentally for a while now and I didn't want to be disappointed. Not disappointed by the music perse, but disappointed by my own reaction to it and feelings for it.

You see, it feels like I'm not really passionate by anything anymore.

The fact that she suprise released really helped, because I simply didn't have time to develop many feelings. Also the artwork blew me away and the tracklist includes so many favorite songs of mine, it couldn't go wrong.

Well at a quiet moment this afternoon when I was home alone I put on my headphones and pressed play. The next moment I was literally dancing though the hallway. Doing silly jigs and old school musical dance steps and all that. I was genuinely happy and I haven't felt that in a long time.

Music is so healing and Gaga is such a gift. I've been stanning her for 15 years now snd she keeps suprising me like this. I don't expect anything from her, but she always delivers.

What makes me hopeful is seeing how happy and at ease she is. After all this time and meeting her a bunch, I have some sort of parasocial relationship with her, it just happened. And in the past at times I was very worried about her. 

One day over 10 years ago, I bought a record by Yancey in a thriftstore because the cover was badass AF.

On it is a song called 'Making music for money'. I bought the vinyl single of that track to gift to Gaga next time I saw her, because I wanted for her to just make her music for herself.' But we never met again, so I still have it saved for her.

Hearing her express to Zane Lowe: "This album will be and I will be what I want, when I decide, whenever I feel like it." feels so good, because I wanted her to feel this way for so long and we're finally here.

Hope I still get to give her the single one day. Apparently many (mostly men) recorded this song but I'd never heard it before.

 

I woke up this morning, I was tired lord as I could be.

I think I was counting my money. When I should have been counting sheep

My agent he just called me and told me what I should be

If I would make my music for money, instead of making music for me

I said I know that this may sound funny, but money don't mean nothin' to me

I won't make my music for money, no, I'm gonna make my music for me.

 

 

[Mars 1,935]

I hope you get a chance to give her the record!

[Schwerk 7,001]

11 minutes ago, Mars said:

I hope you get a chance to give her the record!

Thank you. I have a feeling I will. Might take another 10 years, who knows, but it barely takes up room in the closet so.

I've had some serendipitous moments with her. For instance with the release of C2C she was in Amsterdam for Artrave and I was outside the hotel because I wanted her to write Marry the Night on my arm to get tattooed. As I was outside waiting, she tweeted the music video for MTN and said she felt just like that day. Such an odd coincidence. Later she came down and signed my arm.

 

[BeautyisaLie 865]

I'm absolutely sure Gaga would love that if it ever happens. The fact that she's at this place right now in her life where she's finally able to make the music that she really wants and enjoy the whole process, to see someone like you who has been there for 15 years giving her that record it's just so wholesome  

[Mars 1,935]

1 minute ago, Schwerk said:

Thank you. I have a feeling I will. Might take another 10 years, who knows, but it barely takes up room in the closet so.

I've had some serendipitous moments with her. For instance with the release of C2C she was in Amsterdam for Artrave and I was outside the hotel because I wanted her to write Marry the Night on my arm to get tattooed. As I was outside waiting, she tweeted the music video for MTN and said she felt just like that day. Such an odd coincidence. Later she came down and signed my arm.

 

Such a great moment for you!

Today after listening to this new album, it felt like I'd just spoken to or had a hug from an old friend that's now really happy and safe in life. You can tell she's creatively free too. Its given me a lot of hope. She's a bit of a compass for me in life, she always has been, she's such a gift.