need some feedback

[DaveGaga 131]

Hey Guys,

I'm back on here, I was so busy with school and other things.

But in the last few month I wrote some song and I really don't know what to think about it because I have no single person who can help me with this.

So I have a question for you would you please give me some feedback or some tips and tricks on how to become better. I know I'm not an native English speaker so it makes it even more difficult to write the things I have on my mind. 

 

 

this one is called 'Not made for loving' 

Spoiler

Verse 1:

So let me know, I wait

Told me to stay girl
I’ve never knew love
Just like I had you

Maybe I wasn’t made

For letting someone in

Because my deepest sins

Aren’t made for lovin’

 

chorus

So you want me know, but do you know me

Isn’t it just desire that made me

Fall in love for the first time

Never felt the connection because I didn’t even tried

I’ve sad down for many years

Waited for the love

It wasn’t what i thought

May I not be made for loving darling

 

Verse 2:

It was just to much

If you asked me I said

I’ve had enough

Not just because of you

There was no point of turning back

But baby i said i didn’t knew

How it would felt because

I’ve never knew how to love

You

 

Chorus:

So you want me know, but do you know me

Isn’t it just desire that made me

Fall in love for the first time

Never felt the connection because I didn’t even tried

I’ve sad down for many years

Waited for the love

It wasn’t what i thought

May I not be made for loving darling

 

Bridge:

Maybe it was to much

Maybe you’ve had enough

May it be my fault that

I made you feel that way

But baby trust me

I never knew it would go

this way.

 

Outro:

Wan’t made for you

Wasn’t told to do

But my feelings hurt me

While I became loving you

But loving isn’t for me

I will never be

The one that you wan’t me to be

this is the last one I've written it's called 'I miss you' 

Spoiler

Verse 1:

Why do you let me

do this on my own

I’m so alone

Without you here

 

Its so quiet

Without you by my side

I need you

Without you I’m not alive

 

Pre chorus:

Don’t let me go

It’s not fair

I’m walking alone

Afraid of myself

Do you still care

It’s sad to say

But I’m missing you

 

Chorus:

I miss you everyday

I miss you every time

I look at myself

And think about

The time when you

We’re mine

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

 

 

Verse 2:

Is it because

I was to much

Is it because

We weren’t in love

 

I loved you

With all my life

I would fight

Till it’s over

Till I’m gone

Till the world

Is done

 

Pre chorus:

Don’t let me go

It’s not fair

I’m walking alone

Afraid of myself

Do you still care

It’s sad to say

But I’m missing you

 

Chorus:

I miss you everyday

I miss you every time

I look at myself

And think about

The time when you

We’re mine

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

 

 

Bridge:

I loved you with my life

I’m so lost without you

My life not completed

Without you by my side

You told me it was over

I can’t believe it

Please hold me closer

 

Outro:

I’m so done

It’s not worth living

When you are gone

Darling I hoped we could

Stay, one more day

I miss you

 

[Sailor 3,321]

It's kind of edgy, tbh. Especially the second one.

I mean, it's hard to tell without hearing an actual song to go with the lyrics, but the lyrics aren't doing much for me.

I think part of the problem with songwriters is that they write from the point of view from themselves. Try writing about a character, like a story.

[DaveGaga 131]

35 minutes ago, Sailor said:

It's kind of edgy, tbh. Especially the second one.

I mean, it's hard to tell without hearing an actual song to go with the lyrics, but the lyrics aren't doing much for me.

I think part of the problem with songwriters is that they write from the point of view from themselves. Try writing about a character, like a story.

Thanks I appreciate you're response!

[HauntingHollow 4,310]

some grammar issues/typos, but generally okey, i wanna know what did you aim for with these two ? did you try to be artistic or rather simplistic, or ? 

[bloody g 31,731]

I have to say that this goes way deeper than anything in the top 40 right now, so props to you