Ariana Grande: positions [critic reviews + metacritic score: 70]

[BUtterfield 8 38,245]

Metacritic score as of 10/30/20 at 7:15 pm ET:

https://www.metacritic.com/music/positions/ariana-grande?ref=hp

Vulture:

Spoiler

Positions Is Ariana Grande’s Most Theatrically Horny Album Yet

Positions, Ariana Grande’s sixth studio album, is yet another entry in a body of work that more often than not finds itself at the direct intersection of grand theatricality and pure, enthusiastic horniness. The album is a fantastical fairytale journey into Ariana’s depraved mind, all lush violins, sparkling whistle tones, stacked harmonies, and novelistic descriptions of a quarantine that seems to have been spent primarily ****ing. It’s Judy Garland by way of Red Tube, or what might have happened had Julie Andrews loved to 69. In between the lengthy paragraphs of erotic fanfiction about herself and her realtor boyfriend, Ariana also sings movingly about her fear of letting go, of learning to love another person after hercataclysmic couple of years. But she’s also funny as hell on Positions: Ariana puns joyfully, pokes fun at her own image, sweetly asks a series of unidentified people to “shut up,” encourages a lover not to be afraid to run his hands through her famous fake ponytail, and plays fluidly with genre conventions, evoking Old Hollywood musicals one moment and going full “Would You Mind”-era Janet Jackson the next.

For the most part, though, Positions is a vehicle for Ariana to tell us about all of the ****ing she accomplished during the pandemic while also managing to write an album about said ****ing. The album is her kinky King Lear, and perhaps her most theatrically horny work yet, which is really saying a lot for someone who once wrote the lyrics, “Let’s put them topics to bed and go **** on the roof / Just to say that we did,” and went so far as to corrupt Christmas itself. In honor of our most delightfully perverted pop star, I’ve ranked the songs on Position by sheer, unadulterated horniness.

The Irish times: 4/5

Spoiler

Ariana Grande: Positions review – Big orgy of breathless R&B songs

Even though bangers are scarce on the ground, Positions solidifies Grande as one of pop’s leading voices.

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/music/ariana-grande-positions-review-big-orgy-of-breathless-r-b-songs-1.4395228?mode=amp

Independent: 3/5

Spoiler

Ariana Grande review, Positions: Woozy and flirtatious but lacking in surprise

It’s why Grande has always felt particularly sympathetic, a true work-in-progress open about her melancholies and misfires. She’s likeable and compelling as an artist, even when she’s at her most creatively static, settling on what is comfortable rather than anything slightly dangerous. Like all of us this year, she probably just needs to get out of the house more.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/reviews/ariana-grande-positions-review-new-album-doja-cat-weeknd-lyrics-b1446712.html

Evening standard: 3/5

Spoiler

Ariana Grande - Positions review: A loved-up ode in the simplest terms

However, it means that musically she isn’t firing as hard as she was when she released her last two albums, Sweetener and Thank U, Next, just six months apart. Full of songs less than three minutes long, Positions is over quickly. Sounds like she has more important things to do.

https://www.standard.co.uk/culture/music/ariana-grande-positions-review-b28983.html

i-D

Spoiler

Ariana Grande’s new album is all about being horny on main
 

Where positions does succeed is in resetting Ariana’s narrative. There are small acknowledgements to past trauma, but these are now just pieces of a bigger puzzle that she’s solving, and as the album demonstrates, she’s not doing it alone. It might not be enough to ever truly eradicate the horrors of the past, although that may not be her intent: as made apparent by album opener “shut up”, Ariana is just tired of the pity. What does feel deliberate is that with this new album she’s giving people something new to talk about, and this time it’s sexy and salacious. Like the song says, she’s switching the positions for you.

https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/wx88nx/ariana-grandes-position-album-review

Slant: 3/5

Spoiler

Review: Ariana Grande’s Positions Too Often Defaults to a Familiar Pose

Too many of the songs on Positions, however, rely on the same midtempo trap-pop that populated Grande’s previous two efforts, particularly Thank U, Next. What once seemed refreshing in its minimalism is quickly starting to feel insubstantial. It might be time for contemporary pop’s reigning vocal acrobat to more fully commit to some new positions.

https://www.slantmagazine.com/music/review-ariana-grande-positions-too-often-defaults-to-a-familiar-pose/

Stereogum: 

Spoiler

Positions ultimately traces the same arc many stable relationships do: The album’s initial rush levels off into normalcy, interrupted by occasional flashes of excitement. I can imagine subtle pleasures emerging as I live with the album over time, but I can also imagine just going back to My Everything and Dangerous Woman instead because very little here approaches the splendor and immediacy of “Problem” or “Into You.” It feels weird to say this about an album containing the lyrics, “I wanna 69 with you,” but even some of Grande’s charming idiosyncrasies seem tempered here. Where is the wild card from the ice cream scandal? What happened to the bright hooks and bizarre production quirks? I hope things really do work out for Grande and her boyfriend, and I don’t begrudge her choice to spend an album burrowing into the mellow rhythms of domesticity. But hopefully Positions is a detour and not the new normal, or else her career might start to follow that same trajectory from enthralling to comfortable stasis.

https://www.stereogum.com/2104172/ariana-grande-positions-review/franchises/reviews/premature-evaluation/

MuuMuse

Spoiler

‘Positions’: Ariana Grande Is Horny on Main (Album Review)

Positions is a smooth and sensual ride (if short – most of these tracks don’t even meet the 3-minute mark), full of on-trend production and fun, frisky references and come-ons. That impressive voice reliably comes through – whether supplying buttery-smooth, whisper-soft, enunciation-free mumblings or going all in for those whistle notes – and there are ample earworm melodies to keep many of the record’s moments lodged in the brain, even if it might not reach the highest heights of records past.

Those hoping to hear some sort of spectacularly different sonic progression past what she’s delivered in recent years might not be particularly blown away the album, which is more than fine with chilling out and having fun in bed all day. Then again, given this year (let alone everything Ariana’s personally dealt with in years past), that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.

Ariana’s down, like six thirty. Are you?

https://muumuse.com/2020/10/ariana-grande-positions-album-review.html/

The telegraph: 3/5

Spoiler

Ariana Grande: positions review: plenty of lust, but where are the hits?

Ariana Grande leaves her traumas behind with an rnb album dedicated solely to sex - but it doesn’t quite hit the spot 
 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/music/what-to-listen-to/ariana-grande-positions-review-plenty-lust-hits/

The line of best fit: 8

Spoiler

Positions is Ariana Grande’s most carefree, playful, and mature work to date

Three albums in three years, four albums in five, and each of them in a minor masterpiece. While thank u, next is probably her best work – and it will probably remain that way forever – Positions is Grande’s most carefree, most playful, most mature work to date. See you all again next year?

https://www.thelineofbestfit.com/reviews/albums/ariana-grande-positions-album-review

Hot Press: 8/10

Spoiler

Album Review: Ariana Grande – 'Positions

Positions proves Grande is still as much a pop diva as the women she has long-revered, but she's in the midst of a steamy, extramarital affair with R&B that she seems unable to quit. And honestly, I hope it continues for her lifetime.

https://www.hotpress.com/music/album-review-ariana-grande-positions-22831554

 

[flyaway 15,350]

They truly eat up anything she does 

[Chromatography 9,505]

Just now, alicefromabove said:

They truly eat up anything she does 

i knew the first comment would be pressed af

incoming gaga stans upset with the critics 

[Contessa 1,879]

3 minutes ago, Chromatography said:

i knew the first comment would be pressed af

incoming gaga stans upset with the critics 

Monsters have been like this for years towards anyone who’s smashing and isn’t making “dark bawps”. 

[ConnorFilm 6,679]

UK pubs (Independent, Telegraph, Evening Standard) don’t seem to be overly loving this? 3/5s aren’t amazing reviews. 

[ThisGuyTony 23,636]

Ari fans are kinda having a meltdown over the reviews. 

Cant believe some reviews are sayings it’s not as good as Sweetener when Sweetener is arguably her worst work.  

[Aleks 3,871]

The first review, I’m screaming 

“It’s Judy Garland by way of Red Tube, or what might have happened had Julie Andrews loved to 69.”

“...encourages a lover not to be afraid to run his hands through her famous fake ponytail...”

The drag 

[reelcool 346]

lol who cares just enjoy the music or not and go

[COOOK 76,405]

11 minutes ago, Blue Lagoon said:

a quarantine that seems to have been spent primarily ****ing

This ghey can't relate

[Enzo 37,977]

ThEy ONLy LIkE PoP tHatS wHy

[Teletubby 116,823]

users reviews are better   https://www.albumoftheyear.org/album/293254-ariana-grande-positions.php

[PsychoMaxcara 814]

I agree with the majority of the reviews which is funny because I usually don’t. I’m glad Sweetener is hailed as her best work because it is.

[Enzoooo 377]

2 minutes ago, PsychoMaxcara said:

I agree with the majority of the reviews which is funny because I usually don’t. I’m glad Sweetener is hailed as her best work because it is.

Dangerous Woman and Thank You, Next are left quaking 

[papergangstas 1,364]

I just realized that 34 and 35 is 69 

[Oyster 2,458]

This is my personal ranking of her albums:

1) T U, N

2) Dangerous Woman

3) Positions

4) Sweetener

5) My Everything

6) Yours Truly