Chromatica - a Manifesto of Healing

[HMLover 220]

Hey everyone - I haven't been super active here in a long, long time, but this new album is hitting me unlike any Gaga album has before, and I need to come somewhere to lay my thoughts out. 

It's no secret at this point that this album is very personal, speaks to mental health issues, PTSD, anxiety, etc. but I didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it has. I've been super down ever since I listened to it, which may sound bad at first, but it's the kind of "down" feeling that you feel in the midst of facing something tough head on. (see Rain On Me). I know I'll emerge on the other end of this a stronger version of myself, which is exactly how I felt after listening to The Fame Monster and Born This Way, so it's more than worth the ride. 

In honor of this, I wanted to share some lyrics from the album that hit really hard for me in the hopes that others might share similar lyrics/moments in the album for them and what they meant to them.  yall. 

Fun Tonight

I'd do anything to numb the flame
I guess I'm just on fire these days
I can't see straight, I can't see me
There's too much hurt caught in between
Wish I could be what I know I am
This moment's hijacked my plans

- This is probably the best summary of depression I've ever seen in writing. The mental disruption of depression causes so much noise in my mind that it ultimately clouds it to the point where I cant read between the lines and act like myself, even if rationally, I see that I should. Depression is a thing that feels like it totally robs you of an experience or a moment, because it sucks the life and joy out of an experience. At the same time, I feel this sensation in my head of pressure/tightness and it feels like my head is on fire. Despite this being such a sad intro, hearing it come from Gaga and know that she is going through something similar makes me feel comforted and like I'm not alone, and that because I'm feeling it too, she's not alone.

 

1000 Doves

I need you to listen to me, please believe me
I'm completely lonely, please don't judge me

Lift me up, give me a start
'Cause I've been flying with some broken arms

I'd do anything for you to really see me
I am human, invisibly bleeding

- Wow, these lyrics have truly exposed me and are basically calling out to me and my desperation in making this post. As someone who's followed Gaga for 12 years and has watched her ups and downs, as I'm sure many of you have, this was one of the most profound lyrics to me on the album. Gaga spent 2008-2013 wearing this larger than life persona as armor and she felt like, as she even said, a super hero. After 2013, the superhero bit dropped off, and Gaga has been seeking more personal recognition. This line to me is not just a call to that, but a desperate plea for people, including, and maybe especially, her fans, to please see her for who she is, and not a pop music machine as she is so often treated. For me, the above lyrics hit me hard because I feel like I'm still not out and accepted in the way I want to be with all of my loved ones, so I'm still spending each day living this existence of half authenticity and half pretense, and everyone around me who isn't OK with gay people just pretends like nothing is wrong, while I'm slowly dying each day. 

[vyniildisk 12,689]

Chromatica - A Manifesto of healing but make it bussy boppable