President Gaga Addresses the Nation

[PunkTheFunk 121,511]

President Gaga Addresses the Nation

By P.T. Funkarian

JAN. 28, 2026

WASHINGTON - US President Lady Gaga declared that the American dream "could mean anything" in her first State of the Union address on Tuesday night. 

"We are free souls burning roads with the flag in our hearts," Gaga said to the House chamber, and to the millions of Americans tuning in from home. "We can be strong on our road to a brighter future."

The speech capped a frenzied inaugural year, which saw the President subjected to relentless push back and vicious name-calling from House Republicans—who dubbed her the "Government Hooker", "Underperformer-In-Chief", and most recently, "HOTUS". In spite of her detractors, Gaga sought to strike a unifying tone by highlighting the necessity of bipartisanship.

"I'm on a mission, and it involves some heavy compromise. You've indicated your interest, and I'm educated in policy, and now I want us to set aside what divides us and focus on forging a path ahead, together."

The former pop sensation and Oscar-winning actress took the world by complete surprise two years ago when she unexpectedly threw her pink cowboy hat into the ring and announced her run for the nation's highest office. 

"I won't stop until your vote is mine," the "Electric Chapel" singer famously proclaimed at multiple rallies across the country. She emerged triumphant over Republican candidate Deez Nuts in November 2024, making her the nation's first female head of state.

"The citizens of this great nation don’t care what people say," Gaga said, as First Man Christian Carino instagrammed proudly from the gallery. "They know the truth. Don't tell them they are less than their freedom."

Above: Democratic and Republican lawmakers listen to President Gaga deliver her first State of the Union address.

A sizable portion of the address was dedicated to her recent foreign policy win in North Korea. After President Trump's disastrous summit eight years ago brought the world to the brink of thermonuclear war, Gaga stunned career diplomats by beguiling the hermit kingdom with her signature charm. She extended a "Disco Stick of Peace" as a symbolic gesture, and successfully negotiated a deal which saw the North Korean government dismantle their nuclear weapons stockpile in exchange for 12 unreleased Joanne demos. Kim Jong-Un was reportedly so thrilled with the deal that he immediately commissioned a 460 ft tall statue of Gaga in the nation's capital—Koons ball and all.

"As a former European with Asian heritage, I know how important it is to give peace a chance," Gaga said. "We can make it easy if we lift each other. We don't need to keep on nuking one another."

But Gaga's first year in office has not been without its missteps. Her administration has been courting controversy since early 2025, when she made contentious cabinet appointments. Her makeup artist Sarah Tanno was chosen to be Secretary of the Interior ("She loves interior decorating", Gaga claimed), and her former back-up dancer Asiel Hardison became Secretary of Transportation ("He really knows how to move").

Her sweeping overhaul of the US tax code last spring also attracted its fair share of criticism. The tax bill was released in the form of TAXPOP, an experimental 10-hour studio album which aimed to "introduce the tax code amendment to the general public in a way they could easily understand it: through the power of musical expression." Gaga roped in long-time coat-tail riders DJ White Shadow and Red Wine for the lead single "Simple Life", a guitar-driven power ballad about a queer go-go dancer from New York City whose personal taxes were significantly simplified after an increase in her standard deductions and family tax credits. The album was briefly available for pre-order on whitehouse.gov, but was pulled following nation-wide backlash.

After the TAXPOP debacle came HuntyCare, pushed by the President as a "top to bottom" reform of the Affordable Care Act. While it was eventually well-received, Gaga was slammed on both sides of the aisle for its cryptic roll out. Over the course of last summer, more than a dozen silent Instagram videos were released on the official White House social media page, in which the President appeared in the Oval Office with Mark Ronson of "Uptown Funk" fame, and a vintage typewriter. She was pressed by Congress and the media on multiple occasions regarding the bill's status. "Soon" was her only reply, prompting condemnation from lawmakers and citizens alike. 

Reports that the Gaga campaign had allegedly colluded with the Italian government during the election broke in September, but were swiftly quashed after it was revealed in leaked emails that the President had only requested a recipe for pasta al pomodoro for personal use.

Despite the steady stream of scandals emerging from the Gaga White House, her recent achievements both home and abroad seem to be winning back the nation's favor. To end 2025 on a positive note, Gaga passed the Ciccone No She Betta Don't Act, making it illegal for Madonna to release music in all United States and territories, including Guam, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. Last month, she was lauded for her administration's speedy response in pledging more than $3 billion in global disaster relief following the release of Katy Perry's latest album. 

Above: Red Cross workers administer aid to a Romanian man who accidentally listened to "Midlife Dream", a track on Katy Perry's latest studio album.

Just last week, she visited a Michigan elementary school to kick off the "No Wig Left Unsnatched" early education program with Vice President Donatella Versace -- an initiative which aims to introduce more wig-snatching materials to the public school curriculum. Core subjects like mathematics and English will be soon be replaced with 1 hour listening sessions of groundbreaking albums, including Gaga's "The Fame Monster", Britney Spears' "Blackout", and Carly Rae Jepsen's "EMOTION".

"Dfkgldfjslkdj shzhhhshdhsjhdjs djfskfjkdlkjw shdshzhjshdjhds shzhhwhshshzhs," Vice President Versace remarked on the program's historic success.

During the final minutes of the address, the President saluted 11 year-old guest Terrence O'Brien from the North Dakota, who sprang into action last October when he saw his feeble grandmother reaching for a copy of Witness. He was able to snatch the album out of her hands before she could listen to it, but dove head-first into a concrete wall and sustained a debilitating neck injury.

"Terrence's bravery reminds us of the civic duty we have to protect our families, friends, and neighbors -- to stick our neck out for a fellow American in need -- no matter the personal cost," Gaga said. Terrence was visibly moved, his tears running down his neck brace. The House Chamber erupted into applause, with both Democratic and Republican lawmakers rising to their feet.

Above: 11-year old Terrence O'Brien eats an assortment of fruits and vegetables at his home in Bismarck, North Dakota

The President concluded her address by touching on the nation's slow but sure economic recovery, and offered a vision of hope.

"When you can support your local businesses, that's money honey. When you can access health care for you and your loved ones, that's money honey. When you can put food on the table and a roof over your family's head, that's money honey."

"For the single mother with three kids who just lost her home and can't see straight anymore -- pants tighter than plastic, but she has no money; for the chicos and chicas living at the edge of the law; for the senior citizens living Check to Check; for all the boys boys boys and Grigio girls in this beautiful nation: we are on the edge of a glorious new era, and I'm hanging on this moment with you."

With a rocky first year behind her, the Pop Star POTUS appears to have finally found her footing. What happens in the next three years remains to be seen, but under President Gaga, the future seems as fresh as a brand new meat dress.

"I will fight for, and I have fought for how I love you," Gaga said. "I have cried for, and I will die for how I care."

[rumours 45,521]

Is this your way of casually hinting that LG6 won't come out till 2028 ?

Also, my favorite part:

"During the final minutes of the address, the President saluted 11 year-old guest Terrence O'Brien from the North Dakota, who sprang into action last October when he saw his feeble grandmother reaching for a copy of Witness. He was able to snatch the album out of her hands before she could listen to it, but dove head-first into a concrete wall and sustained a debilitating neck injury."

LOL

[Chromatislaps 34,560]

7 minutes ago, PunkTheFunk said:

She extended a "Disco Stick of Peace" as a symbolic gesture, and successfully negotiated a deal which saw the North Korean government dismantle their nuclear weapons stockpile in exchange for 12 unreleased Joanne demos. Kim Jong-Un was reportedly so thrilled with the deal that he immediately commissioned a 460 ft tall statue of Gaga in the nation's capital—Koons ball and all.

"As a former European with Asian heritage, I know how important it is to give peace a chance," Gaga said. "We can make it easy if we lift each other. We don't need to keep on nuking one another."

Her sweeping overhaul of the US tax code last spring also attracted its fair share of criticism. The tax bill was released in the form of TAXPOP, an experimental 10-hour studio album which aimed to "introduce the tax code amendment to the general public in a way they could easily understand it: through the power of musical expression." Gaga roped in long-time coat-tail riders DJ White Shadow and Red Wine for the lead single "Simple Life", a guitar-driven power ballad about a queer go-go dancer from New York City whose personal taxes were significantly simplified after an increase in her standard deductions and family tax credits. The album was briefly available for pre-order on whitehouse.gov, but was pulled following nation-wide backlash.

After the TAXPOP debacle came HuntyCare, pushed by the President as a "top to bottom" reform of the Affordable Care Act. While it was eventually well-received, Gaga was slammed on both sides of the aisle for its cryptic roll out. Over the course of last summer, more than a dozen silent Instagram videos were released on the official White House social media page, in which the President appeared in the Oval Office with Mark Ronson of "Uptown Funk" fame, and a vintage typewriter. She was pressed by Congress and the media on multiple occasions regarding the bill's status. "Soon" was her only reply, prompting condemnation from lawmakers and citizens alike. 

Despite the steady stream of scandals emerging from the Gaga White House, her recent achievements both home and abroad seem to be winning back the nation's favor. To end 2025 on a positive note, Gaga passed the Ciccone No She Betta Don't Act, making it illegal for Madonna to release music in all United States and territories, including Guam, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. Last month, she was lauded for her administration's speedy response in pledging more than $3 billion in global disaster relief following the release of Katy Perry's latest album. 

all of this made me scream  

NOT TAXPOP and HUNTYCARE  

@BorisIsHere Release something for god's sake, the hunties will definitely need HuntyCare if you don't hurry

[justanothergay 2,486]

Why does this feel so correct 

8 minutes ago, PunkTheFunk said:

"Dfkgldfjslkdj shzhhhshdhsjhdjs djfskfjkdlkjw shdshzhjshdjhds shzhhwhshshzhs," Vice President Versace remarked on the program's historic success.

my favorite part

[Guest]

okay this made my day thank you so much @PunkTheFunk for existing 

[Head Empty 22,536]

20 minutes ago, PunkTheFunk said:

the "Electric Chapel" singer

Of everything in the OP this is the thing that caught me most off-guard

[Pop Music 20,522]

19 minutes ago, PunkTheFunk said:

the "Electric Chapel" singer

Finally the best btw deep cut gets ha praise  

 

[Mikey Monster 1,561]

LMFAO OMFG!!!! This is so perfect!!! Great job using ur creativity and putting this together it’s amazing!!! So entertaining!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂😂😂

[27monster27 9,475]

2 hours ago, PunkTheFunk said:

She extended a "Disco Stick of Peace" as a symbolic gesture, and successfully negotiated a deal which saw the North Korean government dismantle their nuclear weapons stockpile in exchange for 12 unreleased Joanne demos.

I WASN'T READY.

[27monster27 9,475]

2 hours ago, PunkTheFunk said:

She extended a "Disco Stick of Peace" as a symbolic gesture, and successfully negotiated a deal which saw the North Korean government dismantle their nuclear weapons stockpile in exchange for 12 unreleased Joanne demos.

I WASN'T READY.

[27monster27 9,475]

Aaaaaaaand I lag posted by mistake. Sorry.

[South Blonde 5,445]

2 hours ago, PunkTheFunk said:

The former pop sensation and Oscar-winning actress took the world by complete surprise two years ago when she unexpectedly threw her pink cowboy hat into the ring and announced her run for the nation's highest office. 

I s2g if you jinx it... 

[The Louvre 3,423]

2 hours ago, PunkTheFunk said:

To end 2025 on a positive note, Gaga passed the Ciccone No She Betta Don't Act, making it illegal for Madonna to release music in all United States and territories, including Guam, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands.

 

 

Marry me Punk, I'll follow you until you love me

[ARTPOP2 3,948]

You killed me

I'm sending you my hip replacement bill

 

[imnotyourbabe10 5,995]

 

Thank you for the smiles and Sunday reading