Aziz Ansari Accused of Sexual Assault

[Neal 768]

Ugh.

People need to understand that Aziz is a GROWN 34-year old man who has risen up to fame by being the “nice guy” who respects women. His career is literally built on that nice guy notion. He is not a child. People will pick apart what the poor girl could have done, etc but the thought that he could have been completely conscious of what he was doing is lost.

If you people read the article, she explicitly SAYS she is uncomfortable with what’s going on. Just because this didn’t turn bloody doesn’t mean that it isn’t sexual assault.

Come on people. You expect that NONVERBAL CUES are hard to miss? Or was Aziz too caught up in having sex that he thought coercion = consent?

[StrawberryBlond 13,260]

I think a lot of you are missing the part where she said that she wanted to "slow down" in the car and told him back at the house that she didn't want to "feel forced" or she would "hate him." This was why he later responded with something like: "You don't hate me now." She says she got up to move and he followed her, sticking his fingers down her throat (that bit sounds absolutely horrific). She was clearly too low in confidence to say no outright. A lot of you fail to realise that you don't know how you'll react until you're in this situation. So many people think they know how they'd react but the reality can be very different. Many who go through instances like this say it felt surreal and it was like they were on autopilot. Aziz sounds like a classic guy in a p*rno throughout this, it's clear where he learned it. Most women don't want to be treated like this on a first date and he was way over the line. Stuff like this is precisely the reason why I don't want to ever have a one night stand. Stuff can go wrong, you can pressured into going further than you want, the guy can sometimes get a bit creepy. Modern dating is a minefield. His very quick apology after she says that he really hurt her and caused her to cry on the way home is also very telling. If he truly understood the magnitude of what he'd done, he'd be a lot more apologetic.

8 hours ago, kyanewest said:

It's exactly something I don't understand about women (I'm a woman too btw). A lot of women out there don't wanna have sex with a guy, and yet they still do it, because they "feel pressured", but then they cry at home... There might be a lot of insecurity amongst women who truly think they gotta perform oral sex, or **** sex, or crazy things like that because of what society tells them. Why is that? I really think we need to find answers, because to me it seems like there's an insecurity problem. In a lot of cases, it's just women not standing up for themselves, other cases they're really forced to do disgusting things against their will and they cry for help and implicitly say "no". When a guy tells you suck my ****, and you do it without saying "**** you i'm leaving" or "no" or something, then how the hell will the guy know you don't wanna do it? 

Men need a serious reality check and this idea that anything violent is "manly" needs to die. They need to take responsibility for their actions and stop watching **** and think **** is "sex". What I just read is so ****ing disturbing and disgusting to me, you don't do that to a person, man or woman.

It really saddens me cause maybe the insecurity mixed with psychological "pressure" that the man enforces to the woman + society dictating what's right and what isn't, is ruining some women's lives. 

Read what I said above about having an almost out of body experience. It's all very well to say you know what you'd do. Until you're there, you don't know. There is crazy insecurity among women and they feel like they have to be a p*rn star or the guy won't want them. It's sick. Society teaches women to serve men sexually and suggests that we're being bitches and c**kteases if we don't. Then it sends us the mixed message of calling us too slutty. It's a vicious circle. But you're right, women need a big dose of confidence and men need to be coached into how to read signs of visible uncomfortableness. Almost all young boys are getting their sex education from p*rn these days, where women aren't treated with any respect. Barely anything is taught about consent and healthy sexual relationships in schools and it's a deadly combination and it needs to change.

[Fascination 1,130]

I kinda liked him, so this is really a shock.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, StrawberryBlond said:

Stuff like this is precisely the reason why I don't want to ever have a one night stand. Stuff can go wrong, you can pressured into going further than you want, the guy can sometimes get a bit creepy. Modern dating is a minefield.

Is modern dating getting worse? I wonder with the rise of social media and apps like Tinder, does it make it worse for people since now **** is an easy access. There also seems to be a trend where people, rightfully so, encourage women to engage in sexual activity, although there is no shame about it, it could've been done clumsily. Some young women that get influenced by other people easily could feel pressured to do it, to act a certain way because it's trendy to "get that D" and then feel bad after it but not acknowledging her feelings cause it isnt "supposed" to be bad, since people encourage it on Twitter/Tumblr and whatnot. I worry sometimes with our generation and the things we put in young people's heads. It's also pretty trendy to hook up with apps, it just seems like everyone is so distracted about the wrong things and forget simple things, forget values too. I might get hate by saying this but I think we've lost our values 

[666 others 1,856]

Aziz Ansari responded to the allegations.

"
Ansari said: “In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.

“The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed OK’, upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.

“I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture ... It is necessary and long overdue.”

"

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2018/jan/15/aziz-ansari-responds-to-sexual-assault-allegation
 

[StrawberryBlond 13,260]

23 hours ago, kyanewest said:

Is modern dating getting worse? I wonder with the rise of social media and apps like Tinder, does it make it worse for people since now **** is an easy access. There also seems to be a trend where people, rightfully so, encourage women to engage in sexual activity, although there is no shame about it, it could've been done clumsily. Some young women that get influenced by other people easily could feel pressured to do it, to act a certain way because it's trendy to "get that D" and then feel bad after it but not acknowledging her feelings cause it isnt "supposed" to be bad, since people encourage it on Twitter/Tumblr and whatnot. I worry sometimes with our generation and the things we put in young people's heads. It's also pretty trendy to hook up with apps, it just seems like everyone is so distracted about the wrong things and forget simple things, forget values too. I might get hate by saying this but I think we've lost our values 

Totally. Having sex be so readily available at the swipe of a finger has meant that some really dangerous practices have become commonplace and people have been pressured into things they don't want to do because they didn't want to let down their date who was obviously up for it. We've got to a point now where cases like this are now being brushed off as "a bad date, nothing more or less." That is one of the most common responses I've seen so far. A date that ends in borderline assault is hardly comparable to a date where you just didn't click and you weren't attracted and we shouldn't be saying they're on the same level. You're right, women and young girls are encouraged to be sexual because it makes them cool and empowered. If all your friends are doing it on the first date, you'll feel pressured to do the same or you'll be considered weird by them and frigid by the ones you date. Then there's what kind of sex is happening on the first date. Lots of people do oral and some even do an*l. Not surprisingly, a lot of us don't want to do something so intimate and potentially risky when we don't know someone. But if your date seems to assume that's going to happen, will you be able to say no because he'll be let down and won't want anything to do with you again if you won't give him the sex he wants? Things were so much simpler and less intrusive back in the day. A bit of hand holding and a kiss on the doorstep and the next level would be reached after a good courtship and the first time would probably just be vanilla missionary intercourse with the wilder stuff left until you became a proper couple. There's no chase, mystery or romance anymore. More like a case of "wham, bam, thank you m'am." Or in a lot of cases, "no thank you, m'am."

12 hours ago, 666 others said:

Aziz Ansari responded to the allegations.

"
Ansari said: “In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.

“The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed OK’, upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.

“I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture ... It is necessary and long overdue.”

"

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2018/jan/15/aziz-ansari-responds-to-sexual-assault-allegation
 

He's still keeping it very vague, though and makes no mention of how he's going to change how he behaves on first dates in the future. Most women don't want oral and an*l pushed on them without express permission, nor do they want to be shoved into uncomfortable positions while doing so. I mean, what would a straight man know about having a penis shoved down his throat or up his backside? They can't empathise as they've never had to endure that or the pressure to do so. His response at the time with those texts shows just how little thought he gave to how the woman felt afterwards. The way he responded the next day, he sounded more like a friend than a lover, as if nothing happened, not even a reference to the sex that went on, until she brought it up. I really think he should be grovelling a lot more at this stage. I get the impression that he thinks he's going to get away with it because he's a critically acclaimed star and all-round good guy, so he doesn't need to make an elaborate apology or vow to change.

[GagaMariaSpears 1,627]

On 1/14/2018 at 4:54 AM, Alexander Blu said:

more and more celebrities are getting accused of sexual assault and pedophilia

like what is happening now

The world is now seeing the entertainment industry's true colors 

[freebit 6,069]

I've read some of these responses online from thinkpiece-y writers and people who are generally thought to be intelligent, and it's like I've traveled back to the 1950s. It's disappointing. 

I think people saying there's nothing wrong with it aren't understanding how scary it is to be alone with a guy who could overpower you at any moment, especially one who keeps persisting against your wishes. It's like that old quote "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." It's like that Cat Person story from the New Yorker to a T. I feel like we haven't come very far within the past 60 years. Women still feel pressure to shrug off their own well-being, and just go with it.

Also, if you can't read the non-verbal cue of someone continually moving away from you, then how have you gotten this far in life? Aziz is 34 years old. I'm not buying that he didn't know she wasn't enjoying it. He practically chased her around. 

[Diamonster 1,786]

All this "didn't explicitly say no"

When a girl literally dragged me into a bathroom forcefully then thought it'd be somehow seductive to ask "can I rape you?" To which I answered a strong NO each time, basically yelling, even trying to get out, then let me out only to choke me and fondle me, literally lifting me of the ground, she then when asked about it said "she thought I was into it" and that "she got the wrong message"

So everyone forgave her, no one even remembers she did that to me, still friends with her. People literally don't care, I don't even wanna imagine what would have happened had she actually raped me. My heart aches for every victim out there. 

[Guest]

11 hours ago, StrawberryBlond said:

Things were so much simpler and less intrusive back in the day. A bit of hand holding and a kiss on the doorstep and the next level would be reached after a good courtship and the first time would probably just be vanilla missionary intercourse with the wilder stuff left until you became a proper couple. There's no chase, mystery or romance anymore. More like a case of "wham, bam, thank you m'am." Or in a lot of cases, "no thank you, m'am."

Yes  our generation might laugh at them but I wouldve loved to be alive back then and experience real romance. Love letters, real dates where you talk more than you touch each other. I think it's sad

[lego 44,165]

http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/10/app-creates-legally-binding-contracts-one-night-stands-prove-sex-consensual-7220206/

 

 

[StrawberryBlond 13,260]

14 hours ago, freebit said:

I've read some of these responses online from thinkpiece-y writers and people who are generally thought to be intelligent, and it's like I've traveled back to the 1950s. It's disappointing. 

I think people saying there's nothing wrong with it aren't understanding how scary it is to be alone with a guy who could overpower you at any moment, especially one who keeps persisting against your wishes. It's like that old quote "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." It's like that Cat Person story from the New Yorker to a T. I feel like we haven't come very far within the past 60 years. Women still feel pressure to shrug off their own well-being, and just go with it.

Also, if you can't read the non-verbal cue of someone continually moving away from you, then how have you gotten this far in life? Aziz is 34 years old. I'm not buying that he didn't know she wasn't enjoying it. He practically chased her around. 

Preach it. Being alone with a guy I've only just met in a bedroom where he's expecting sex literally terrifies me. At least when you know each other better, you're more trusting, more comfortable, but one night stands are so risky that I don't know why any woman (or man) would want to do it, especially in this current climate. But just because you have decided on it shouldn't cause the man to automatically think: "This means anything goes." This was clearly Aziz's line of thought and it seemed like he didn't stop to think for a minute what the average woman would be comfortable with on a first date. People can get STDs from oral and an*l and that's going to be painful to endure as well as to see a doctor about it. And above all else, if protection fails, it's the woman who ends up pregnant. They're the ones who have their life turned upside down. Not surprisingly, this can make a lot of women cautious on the first date.

And that's also true. Aziz isn't a naive 18 year old who's just experiencing his first sexual encounters (a common age at which situations like this arise), he's a grown man in his mid-thirties. If he hasn't worked out what physically shirking away from someone means, what "I'd like to slow down" means, can't read facial reactions and doesn't think it's odd that a woman isn't making any sound during sex...then I question if he's ever done similar stuff before and gotten away with it. From the story, it sounds like such sexual encounters are normal for him, he's even giving a name to the act of putting his fingers down a throat. Sounds like he's used to doing this stuff.

14 hours ago, Diamonster said:

All this "didn't explicitly say no"

When a girl literally dragged me into a bathroom forcefully then thought it'd be somehow seductive to ask "can I rape you?" To which I answered a strong NO each time, basically yelling, even trying to get out, then let me out only to choke me and fondle me, literally lifting me of the ground, she then when asked about it said "she thought I was into it" and that "she got the wrong message"

So everyone forgave her, no one even remembers she did that to me, still friends with her. People literally don't care, I don't even wanna imagine what would have happened had she actually raped me. My heart aches for every victim out there. 

That sounds like a horrific situation, I'm so sorry to hear that. Women are most certainly not exempt from such acts and it's high time these encounters got believed and respected. You're right, someone who is sexually twisted won't interpret a "no" the way normal people will. They'll hear what they want to hear. And hey, considering that in some p*rnos, the woman is crying and pleading to stop, some men are getting the idea into their heads that this is just a part of foreplay and a way of turning the guy on. It's so sick.

11 hours ago, kyanewest said:

Yes  our generation might laugh at them but I wouldve loved to be alive back then and experience real romance. Love letters, real dates where you talk more than you touch each other. I think it's sad

Maybe that's why relationships from that time period outlasted the ones from today? A real amount of love and respect was built up and sex cemented the bond, making you not want to leave afterwards. The whole "have sex now, fall in love later" concept doesn't always hold up in comparison. I sometimes feel like no man my age now wants commitment, marriage or children. If children do happen, they weren't planned and he doesn't care how many women he has them with. Or he wants to settle down with you and have children with you, but doesn't want to marry you (big alarm bells there). I sometimes feel I'll never find someone at this rate. If you don't do online dating today, it seems like you're doomed to singledom.

8 hours ago, lego said:

http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/10/app-creates-legally-binding-contracts-one-night-stands-prove-sex-consensual-7220206/

 

Initially, I thought "This is a good idea," but that was extinguished when I really thought about it. It's just a concept at this time, so the rules may change, but it seems like you both have to be on the app to use the contract, which is a bit iffy. I could totally see men signing up for this, but not women. Most of them will find this unromantic, creepy and unnecessary. Even borderline rape-y. The idea for it really seems to be capitalising on and almost making a mockery of the MeToo movement and unfortunately, that's how some commenters have already taken it, saying stuff like: "See, ladies? This is what you've pushed us to." Quite frankly, I'd be immediately turned off by any guy who used this app and wanted me to use it. That suggests he's just seeing me as as a sexual conquest above all else, he's banging so many women that he uses this to cover himself, that he's maybe a bit freaky in bed which he's afraid women might complain about the next day, and/or he's already had accusations levelled at him which he wants to reduce the likelihood of. Not to mention, he's likely critical of the MeToo movement and likely hates feminists, blaming them for all his dating fears. Doesn't sound like a guy I'd touch with a barge pole. For all these reasons, I hope this app doesn't get off the ground.

[NCgaga 4,137]

Ok- this is out of hand. This is not A) Sexual Assault or B) Sexual harassment. She had a choice to stay there and she did. It was a bad date, with bad sexual interaction- SHE IS NOT A VICTIM. 

[KingRedd 3,139]

This wasn’t assault. This was more like a sex night gone wrong. I’ve heard reports that she she ever said no and even performed oral on him twice that nice. I’ve even heard that they stopped and she went to the restroom to freshen up and came back asking him to just cuddle and watch tv together. This doesn’t sound like a woman under harassment. When she asked to leave, he even called her an Uber and texted her the next day.

not assault, not fair, and not good for the metoo movement for her to public try and end his career over bad sex.

[Xoxo Adriana 15,040]

On 14/01/2018 at 8:42 PM, SychosSoChic said:

Sex sounds so rough I forgot it was real, and not a sex scene from Girls or TimTales

oh god Timtales