Rito 0 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Time to speed up on my reading so I can get to this book. I'm so excited now. Must speed right through book 1 next week. Made one more gif set. Edited February 25, 2012 by Rito Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) A Song of Ice and Lolz :) Part 1 Winterfell! Bran is walking around with his bow and arrow and you’re like, “Wow, what a speedy resolution to that plot line!†But then you realize no one’s around and he’s chasing a rather slow crow and you’re like, “It’s possible this could be a dream and if so have more interesting dreams Bran. You’re paralyzed in a world that hasn’t invented the internet, this is the most exciting thing that’s going to happen to you all day, go nuts!†But no, he’s just chasing this gross crow and then it turns around and it has 3 eyes and you’re like, “That’s slightly more interesting but still if we’re going to be watching your dreams at least give them some narrative flavor.†He wakes up in his room and Old Nan is there knitting. Old Nan asks about his dreaming. Don’t even try Nan, it’s not worth it. Then Theon bursts into the room. I was kidding earlier Bran, your paralyzation is terrible! Summer is instantly pissed at the sight of Theon. (Rip out his throat!) Theon, “There are visitors so you gotta get up. Well, not get up cause you can’t get up, but you gotta get downstairs somehow.†Bran, “I don’t want nobody carrying me. Not now.†Theon, “Really? If I was couped up all day with only this old bat for company I’d go mad.†You did NOT just insult Old Nan, Theon. You did NOT JUST. Bran, “Not interested.†Theon, “Well you don’t have a choice, Robb’s waiting.†(If that’s not enough of a reason to get out of bed I don’t know what is.) Bran, “Make me Greyjoy.†Theon, “Look girl, I feel you. We all have big warm comfy beds we’d rather be laying in right now. But Robb told me to come get you and I have to do what Robb says because he’s prettier than I am, and you have to do what I say which isn’t true at all but I will take whatever meager amounts of power I can find and then abuse them because being raised as a ward in Winterfell has given me an insane Napoleon complex.†Bran, “I thought the worst thing about being paralyzed was giving up on my all my hopes and dreams and the impact it would have on my dating life, but I was wrong, not being able to walk away from this conversation is the worst thing.†Then Theon calls in Hodor to carry Bran downstairs. Hodor Likes: Naked swiming, Hodor, Carrying small children Dislikes: Grover Norquist’s’ strangle hold on tax reform, Hodor Hodor picks Bran up by the scruff of his neck and jogs downstairs. Great Hall! Robb, having assumed his father’s duties, is greeting Tyrion and Yoren. Robb has decided that the number one priority of the Lord of Winterfell is to look stunning. Robb, “Everyone who is welcome to stay in Winterfell step forward, not so fast Tyrion.†Tyrion, “The ****? I was here a very short period of time ago. I got wasted in the stables on my bag wine? Ate a lot of bacon? Slapped my nephew around? No? Not happening this time? What’s going on homeboy?†Robb says forcefully: Tyrion, “So did I step in dog **** or something? Why is everyone hating?†Before Robb can explain why he’s being a dick, Hodor comes in carrying Bran like a sack of potatoes. Tyrion’s face: Tyrion, “Look, I’m not going to pretend to be casual about this, did a tall, blond, strikingly handsome man in expertly tailored leather with a wicked sense of humor have anything to do with your fall?†Luwin, “Boy doesn’t remember **** about what he was spying on before he fell.†Tyrion and audience, “What an incredibly specific memory lapse.†Robb, “What are you doing? Is this some “returning to the scene of the crime†thing cause I don’t get it.†Tyrion, “Tell Hodor to bring it on down here for the real thing. Bran, how do you feel about riding horses?†Bran, “Positively.†Luwin, “Uhhh… kid can’t use his legs, I feel we’ve been over this.†Even Grey Wind is like, “The **** you going on about girl?†Tyrion, “For your information, with the right horse even a cripple can ride and I’m about to do something incredibly nice could you all stop acting so ****ing surprised?†Bran, “I’m still very much in the denial stage of my grief process and don’t associate myself with that word.†Tyrion, “Kid, if you’re not a cripple then I’m not a dwarf, my father will be ever so pleased to hear it. Seriously, he hates me. Anyway I got you a present. Since I didn’t have Jon to flirt with I spent my entire trip down here making these sketches for you. They’re for a special saddle you can use to train a horse to respond to your tiny, ineffectual legs. On horseback you’ll be as tall as anyone.†Bran: Robb, “You and/or your family throw my brother out a window and now you’re doing this really awesome thing for him? I am so confused. Am I too pretty to understand what’s happening?†Tyrion, “Yes. And relax, this isn’t a trick.†(As he’s talking Bran gives him the smallest little smile which is the biggest he’s smiled since his accident and Tyrion gives him a “I get it†smile in return and my heart hurts.) “I have a weak spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things.†Robb, “You just alluded to Jon, how did you know that was my weak spot?†Tyrion, “You boys aren’t exactly on the down-low if you know what I’m saying.†Robb, “I don’t, but I’ll begrudgingly allow you to grab a bed if you want.†Tyrion, “Never mind, I’m over this weirdness. Even when I enjoy the hospitality of Winterfell I wind up sleeping in a kennel so I am just going to go stay at a brothel I made note of and get laid tonight because I turn lemons into lemonade.†Outside! Tyrion’s getting ready to ride out of Winterfell when Theon comes wandering up. Tyrion, like Summer, is not pleased to see him. Theon, “Gonna try some northern ass? Ask for Ros. Yes, that’s right. I know a woman. Impressed?†Tyrion, “No. I met her in the first episode. I’ve been in Winterfell for less than a fortnight and I already know more about the women here than you ever will. Why am I dealing with you anyway? Your master appears to be super pissed at me.†Theon, “He’s not my master.†Tyrion, “So you just stay here because you love him so much? I guess he is handsome in kind of a devastating way. I hate that I have to ask you of all people for information but what exactly is going on here? Where is Catelyn? Why is Rickon the third most important Stark in Winterfell?†Theon, “I don’t know, she’s not feeling well, she probably has her period or something.†Tyrion: Theon, “M’lady’s whereabouts…†Tyrion, “â€M’lady†is it? You’re rocking some serious Stockholm Syndrom aren’t you?†Tyrion, “Remember when your father gathered up a bunch of sailors and was like “I’m King!†And Robert was like “Lol, no.†And then totally crushed him and it was super embarrassing and your older brothers died and you were made to come live in Winterfell as a hostage so you dad wouldn’t revolt again?†Theon, “That incredibly painful memory? Yeah, I think about it a lot actually, it’s made me a bitter, angry, young man.†Tyrion, “Yeah, well your dad is going to be mega-pissed when he finds out how up the Starks’ butts you are.†Theon, “You’re right, alright? I’m totally homeless. “Nobody Wants Theon†is going to be the title of my memoir.†Tyrion, “Sorry I’m being a dick, Robb yelled at me so I’m yelling at you, it’s the chain of screaming . Don’t worry my dad’s a hater too. Wait till I tell you the story about my first wife, it will make Balon Greyjoy look like Bill Cosby. I’ve learned to live with it with time, so will you.†(Tyrion should travel around Westoros giving life advice to all the main characters, I realize that’s what he’s already doing but in like a more official capacity.) “Here’s some money for you to go see Ros. I’ll try not to wear her out but most likely the next time you bone her you guys will spend most of your time talking about me.†King’s Landing! Petyr, “I heard a rummmmmmmmoooooor, that you’re reading a boring book.†Ned, “That has to be the worst rumor ever, also Pycelle is such a gossip.†Petyr, “I know right? Speaking of gossip, do you know Ser Hugh of the Vale?†Ned, “Can’t say that I have, been a little busy what with the drunken horse races, and buying dolls for my daughter, and surreptitiously meeting with my wife, and the sweating, and the book reading, and the killing of direwolves (too soon?).†Petyr, “Well he was Jon Arryn’s squire and got knighted immediately after Jon Arryn’s death.†Ned, “Why was he knighted?†Petyr, “Seriously dude? That wasn’t a riddle I just told you exactly why.†Ned, “Why are you helping me?†Petyr, “Let’s just say I have soft spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things…I’m kidding! I hate all that ****! I’m still trying to **** your wife, remember? It’s weird how much you don’t get this.†Ned, “Alright, so tell me where this Ser Hugh is so I can ask him some questions.†Petyr, “Oh my god, I don’t even want to help you but you’re making it impossible not to. See that kid over there whistling exaggeratedly and pretending not to be spying on you, that kid reports to Varys, and that lady over there reports to the queen and that one reports to me.†Ned’s finally beginning to realize that this party he was invited to is way more ****ed up than he thought. Petyr, “Yup. This place is just lousy with spies. You go wandering around snooping into Jon Arryn’s death people are going to notice. Anyone in your service you trust completely?†Ned, “Yes. In the north we just kind of are, we don’t play mind games with each other 24/7.†Petyr, “Well you’re pretty much ****ed then. So you know how Jon Arryn was doing all this weird stuff and then he got poisoned, most likely by the Lannisters and died?†Ned, “Sure.†Petyr, “Why don’t you do everything that Jon Arryn did and see how things work out for you?†Ned, “That plan sounds bulletproof when do we start?†Petyr, “Well Arryn was obsessed with with this armourer before he died, why don’t you go check that out?†Ned, “How come every time I talk to you I feel you **** my world up a little more?†Petyr, “What can I say? It’s my raison d’etre.†Ned, “Maybe I was wrong not to trust you.†Petyr, “No you were totally right about that.†Ned, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.†Edited February 25, 2012 by King ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Part 2 Armourers! Jory, “Hugh’s a b---hy knight so he won’t talk to me.†Ned, “They strut around like roosters here. Even the ones who have never seen an arrow coming their way.†Yeah, we can’t all be in Lord of the Rings, Bean. Jory has already figured out what Petyr had to explain to Ned five times and is like, “Uhh should we be more stealth? Why do you Starks insist on doing sneaky things in broad daylight?†Ned, “Let them look.†NED, you are not being very PRUDENT. Armourer, â€Oh yeah Arryn came a bunch of times, never bought anything, cheap ****. Just wanted to see the handsome hunk of man banging things with a hammer behind me.†Ned, “Well let me see that.†Gendry, “Oh hey sorry, didn’t you see you there was too busy flexing my giant oiled up arm muscles like I’m a background model in a Beyonce video. Name’s Chris Miles Gendry.†Armouer, “Show him that thing you made.†Ned, “Pretty cool.†Gendry, “Well you can’t have it. I made it for me. I’m incredibly stubborn like my father.†Ned, “So if I was Jon Arryn right now I would ask you….†Gendry, “A lot of really uncomfortable questions. How am I? Am I still banging my teacher? How’s my goldfish doing? How was that time I got locked out of my own house naked? And then a lot of creepy questions about my mother.†Ned, “So your mother…she was….†Gendry, “Uh…she had yellow hair, weak recessive genes, she sang to me sometimes…†Ned, “Look at me.†Gendry, “This “powerful men forcing me to stand still while they stare at me†thing…is that going to keep happening to me my whole life….cause I’m just trying to decide what level of comfort I should have with it.†Ned, “Get back to work, btw if that boy ever wants to wield a sword rather than forge one. Send him to me.†Stark out! Jory, “Who dat?†Ned, “Robert’s bastard son.†Random Hallway! Ned’s carrying his giant book and sees Arya standing on one foot at the top of the stairs. He looks at her like, “Ummmm what…is going on….here?†Arya, “Syrio says a water dancer can stand on one toe for hours.†Arya, I love Syrio, but you should ask for proof of these statistics. That can’t be true. Ned, “You could hurt yourself down these stairs.†Arya, “Syrio says every hurt is a lesson and every lesson makes you better.†Ned’s face while he is watching her is so full of love and fatherly pride I can’t decide if I want to give Sean Bean a hug or an Emmy more. Arya, “Tomorrow I’m chasing cats!!†Ned, “Cats,†and then he starts for her, “Syrio says…†WHY ARE YOU THE BEST FATHER/DAUGHTER EVER. Arya, “Syrio figured out the same thing the internet did which is that cats are awesome.†(ALSO there was an adorable interview with Maise Williams where she said the clothes she was wearing in the first season (and this scene) were supposed to be clothes she stole from Bran because she’s a little tomboy who steals her brother’s clothes. What adorable attention to detail HBO costume designers!) Arya, “Also, now that Bran’s awake does he get to come live here with us?†Ned, “Well….that’s kinda complicate….†Arya, “He wanted to be a knight, he can’t do that now what with the no legs thing.†Ned, “Well, no. Standing upright is a big part of physical combat. But when he grows up he can be on a Small Council like I am, or be lord of the holdfast, or an architect.†Arya, “That sounds awesome, can I do those things?†Ned, “While I am a bit more forward thinking than most people around here, I still just want my baby girl to live a long, safe, happy and comfortable life and in this society in this moment that means marrying a nice dude and living in his castle and having lots of sons who can grow up and do all the things you wanna do, so you can do that.†Arya simply but defiantly, “No. That’s not me.†And then she goes back to her balancing and you are just like, “God, Arya, you kick so much ass.†Ned’s face is, “I love Sansa…but she has never surprised me, not one day in her life. Bless her heart. But you…you surprise me, honey.†The Wall! Jon’s standing on the wall when Sam comes lurking up. Sam, “Hellllooo, Thorne made me be your watch partner to **** with you cause he doesn’t realize how much we’re gonna love each other. I should warn you though, I don’t see very well.†Jon, “Come stand by the fire it’s warmer.†Sam, “Oh no, I’m good over here.†Jon, “You’re freezing. I’m being so adorably protective right now it’s stupid.†Sam, “I hate heights.†Jon, “So to recap, you don’t like heights, cold, fighting, night or watching. Can we get real? Why join the Night’s Watch?†Sam, “Are you ready for some TEARS because I have the saddest story EVER. So I grew up a Tarly and my dad is just a big, Republican, outdoorsy dude and me? Well I’m like Seth Cohen with a thyroid problem. I just wanted to read my comic books and write in my journal and listen to Bright Eyes all day. So when I turned 18 my dad came to me and was like, “You are not fit to be my heir so tomorrow you’re going to renounce your claim to your inheritance and go take the black and if you don’t I’m going to take you hunting and have someone murder you and tell your mom it was an accident.†So you know here I am.†Jon, “Wow, I am appropriately horrified by this story. Your father sounds like a big bag of bull****.†Sam, “He is.†Jon, “You know, I like Bright Eyes too.†Sam, “Really?†Jon, “Really.†Sam, “Am I going to fight again tomorrow?†Jon, “Yep.†Sam, “This is stupid. I’m not going to get any better.†Jon, “Well, you can’t get any worse.†And then Jon and Sam laugh and Sam’s like “This is the first time someone has laughed with me instead of at me,†and Jon realizes that even though he was super regretting deciding to take the Black in a moment of emotional teenage rebellion, perhaps the Wall is the place for him cause it’s a bunch of people who have felt like outcasts the same way he has his whole life and maybe one day Bright Eyes will play a concert at Castle Black and they can all go together and sing along really loudly and not care who hears them and for just once they’ll feel infinite. Outside Robert’s Bedroom! Jamie is in a k-hole of depression standing guard while Robert gets his s-x on. Jory comes wondering up all, “Yo, I got something for the king!†Jaime, “Shhhhhhh listen to these s-x noises.†Jory, “This is weird.†Jaime, “How many do you think are in there with them?†Jory, “3…1?…..14? 0? I’m sorry what’s happening?†Jaime, “Listen up total stranger, the king likes to do this when I’m on duty. Makes me listen to him bone other women to insult my sister.†And it’s then that you realize that the Jaime-Cersei-Robert triangle is so much more ****ed up than you thought (and for a triangle that already involves incest between twins that is a lot of ****ed up.) Just then a girl comes running out of the room, (Ummm what? I’ve never had a 14-some but do people just leave in the middle? Did she decide she was over it? Did she get an emergency text? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?) Jaime and Jory stand aside awkwardly to let her pass. Jory, “Forgive me.†Jaime annoyed as all hell, “Why do I have to forgive you, have you wronged me?†Jory, “Wow is this not going well. We met before dude.†Jaime, “Have we? Weird I didn’t remember someone as cool as you.†Jory, “Seige of Pike. We fought side by side one afternoon.†Jaime remembers and softens up. The quickest way to Jaime Lannister’s heart is reminding him of times he was a badass. “You got your scar there?†Jory, “Yeah some Greyjoy almost took my eye out.†Jaime, hilariously dead serious, “Vicious sons of *****s.†Jory, equally hilariously dead serious, “They like their bloodshed.†They reminisce about the good times and someone named Thoros of Myr running around with a flaming sword and they both seem to be enjoying themselves and Jaime’s kind of snapped out of his funk and you’re like, “Awww in another life you guys could have been pals maybe!†Jaime, “I saw that Greyjoy kid they made go live in Winterfell when I was there. It was weird, like seeing a shark on a mountain top.†Jory, “You mean Theon? Robb’s pal. He’s a good kid.†Jaime, hilariously dead serious again, “I doubt that.†(I can’t tell you how hard I lolled at that line when I first heard it. Jaime Lannister (by way of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) does not get nearly enough credit for his comedic timing.) Then the door opens and two more girls run out. (Did they get the same emergency text? Are they going to hang out with the other one? What is even happening in that room?? With the door open you can overhear Robert say to someone, “I bet you smell like blackberry jam.†What?? HOW IS THAT A THING YOU SAY DURING SEX ROBERT? HBO answers for everyone the unspoken question, “Is s-x with Robert as weird as you think it’d be?†with a resounding “Yes!†Jaime closes the door sparing all of us some more weird s-x similes.) Jory, “So……do I just leave this with you or….†Jaime pissed again at the reminder that he’s Robert’s lackey, “I don’t serve Lord Stark.†Jory finally realizes that he picked the wrong ****ing time to talk to Jaime Lannister so he peaces, leaving Jaime all alone to his k-hole. Awww Jaime!! It’s okay!! (Somebody needs to record an “It gets better†video for Jaime Lannister. (That would be the weirdest video ever. “First you’re sad because your job is to listen to your sister/lover’s husband **** *****s for hours but then you get to **** your sister/lover and it gets better?â€) Edited February 25, 2012 by King ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Part 3 The Wall Cafeteria! Jon and Sam are cleaning the tables together because they are now, Samwell Tarly and Jon Snow: Sam brings up the fact that some of the officers of the Night Watch sneak out and go to a brothel sometimes. Sam, “Well don’t you think it’s unfair that we have to take our vows while they get some Sally-on-the-side?†(Who is this Sally and why does she have such a bad reputation?) Jon, completely amused by Sam’s ranting, “Sally on the side?†Sam’s on a tear, “Well how come we can’t we s-x to guard the wall? Hmmmm? Celibacy is a terrible way of enforcing discipline, look at what happened with the Catholic church.†Jon, “I didn’t think you’d be so upset about it.†Sam, “Why, because I’m fat?†Jon instantly completely sincere, “No.†Jon’s concern for Sam’s feeling is overwhelming me with feelings. Sam almost shouting he’s so defensive, “I like girls as much as you do.†He looks Jon up and down. “They might not like me as much…†(And then Sam and the audience spend the next five minutes imagining Jon naked, Jon uncomfortably keeps cleaning while this happens….and we’re back.) Sam, “I’ve never been with a lady. If my imagination is correct, you are just knee deep in ass 24/7.†Jon, “Actually, I’m totally straight edge about s-x. I’m a virgin too.†http://media.tumblr....qj7O1r0tstm.gif Sam looks at this: and calls, “Bull****!†Jon’s like, “No, it’s true, I came close once.†Sam, “What, didn’t know where to put it?†Samwell Tarly for the LOLZ. Jon says forcefully, “I know where to put it.†And then Jon collapses under the weight of every bra and panty from every woman north of the wall. Sam graciously helps him dig himself out. http://img208.images...o1328072802.jpg Sam, “Was she old and ugly?†WHAT? How is that your first question Sam? Samwell Tarly’s powers of deduction are amazing. “He knows where to put it so she must have been old and ugly.†WHAT? Jon, “Uhh, she was this totally hot chick named Ros, you’ll meet her, every male character on the show does.†Sam uncomfortably excited, “What color hair?†And then you realize that life before ****ography must have led to a lot of really uncomfortable conversations. Jon, “Red.†Sam hornily mumbles about how much he likes red hair and then asks what her tits looked like. I have never wanted to buy someone a Playboy so badly. Jon with a smile, “You don’t want to know.†Sam, “What that good?†Jon, “Better.†Sam, sounding exactly like Butters on Southpark, “What? Oh no!!†(This conversation would be annoying if anyone else was having it. but since it’s these two baby dolls it’s just stupidly charming.) Sam, “So why didn’t you hit that? You and Ros with the perfect hoo haas.†Jon, “What’s my name?†Sam, “I like this game. Jon Snow.†Jon, “Why is my surname Snow?†Sam, thinks for a half beat, “Because you’re a bastard from the north!†He looks so proud of himself I wish Jon would give him a gold star. Jon, “And now it’s time for Jon Snow’s Problems with Sex 101, pull up a chair this could take a while. I never met my mother, my dad told me nothing about her, my step mom was a complete **** to me 24/7 and I am incredibly damaged. So I sat there in the brothel while Ros took off her clothes, and I realized that we don’t have access to birth control, condoms, the pill, plan B, or safe abortions and that women will never know true freedom or equality until they can decide when and how they become a mother and I became a feminist, also a virgin. Because what if she got pregnant and she had a bastard kid and he grew up to be as emo as me? I don’t want a child to have to live my life because, like you, my life is made of TEARS. And since there’s no real way to be responsible about s-x in this society aside from the pull out method which is not 100% accurate, I decided I’d take the Black and when you take the Black you’re not allowed to have s-x and so this way I never have to think or worry about it again. That is a little thing I like to call “problem solving.â€â€ Sam, “Your s-xual issues are terrifying.†(Also, can we discuss poor Ros? Of all the terrible things that happen to the characters in this series, having Jon Snow in your boudoir and then having him run out of the room has to be the worst.) Sam, “So…you didn’t know where to put it?†Lolz Sam!! Jon lolz and it seems entirely possible that every time Kit Harrington laughs an angel gets its wings. And then they start rough housing and Sam’s so happy to have a pal he can joke around with for the first time in his life and my heart is full of warmth and happiness. And then Thorne comes in, and they’re both like “Here we go.†Thorne, “Allow me to interrupt your party to tell you about a party that I went to once.†Thorne, “Are you cold?†Sam, “Tis a tid bit nipply.†Thorne, “Like Benjen before me I am going to be unnecessarily agressive and defensive because a lifetime of people saying that the Night’s Watch is **** has given me some serious issues that I take out on the people around me. So last winter we heard a rumour that Mance Ryder was going to attack Eastwatch.†Sam: http://img141.images...l1328067543.jpg Thorne, “So we go out there to fight but there was a winter storm on the way. The wildlings, using their home field advantage, knew what was going to happen so they camped up while we got caught in the storm. It was so cold you got frost bite when you took your dick out to piss.†http://img11.imagesh...f1328072077.jpg Thorne, “We ate the horses first and they were delicious. But when they were gone then we started eating each other.†Sam and Jon are appropriately horrified with this over-share. Thorne starts talking about how great it would have been to eat Sam cause he’s fat and Jon’s like, “I would intervene but it really seems like you’ve gone off the deep end and like a crazy person on the subway, I’m kinda hoping if we stay really still you’ll get distracted and wander off.†Thorne, “We’ll get new recruits soon and you boys will become men of the Night’s Watch.†Jon, “Yes that’s typically how these things go. Freshman become sophmores become juniors, do we have to be here for this?†Thorne, “YOU’RE JUST BOYS AND YOU WILL DIE IN THE COLD BECAUSE IT GETS REALLY COLD AND THIS JOB IS REALLY DANGEROUS.†And leaves in a humph. Jon and Sam, “Well that was fun.†Tournament! Everyone’s sitting around waiting for the full metal jousting to start. Cersei btw looks AMAZEBALLS. Who is your stylist? Get that person a raise! Robert is in his default mode which is: half in the bag and getting antsy to see somebody kill something. http://img141.images...h1328068845.jpg Petyr comes over and sees Sansa and is like, “So I was completely in love with your mother when she was your age and now is a good a time as any to begin being really creepy with you.†Even the woman behind them is like: http://img812.images...j1326853817.jpg Arya jumps in all, “Why do they call you Littlefinger?†Sansa and Septa are deeply embarrassed by Arya, Petyr and everyone else is wildy entertained. Petyr, “Well I’m from a place called the Fingers and I was a scrawny little kid so it just kinda stuck.†Ned’s Room! Cersei comes to visit Ned, somehow having found time to take down her elaborate hair-do from the previous scene. Cersei, “You’re missing your tournament.†Ned, “Putting my name on it doesn’t make it mine.†Cersei, “Kind of like children amiright?†Ned, “What?†Cersei, “What? I thought we’d put what happened on the Kingsroad behind us, you know that “ugliness with the wolves.â€â€ Ned, “You mean that time you lost your mind and made me butcher my daughter’s pet thus destroying her innocence and effectively ruining our relationship?†Cersei, “You know how it is, sometimes you go a little nuts where your children are concerned.†Ned, “Are you seriously trying to get me to be okay with what you did?†Cersei, “How is Sansa? She seems to be the only Stark that likes King’s Landing.†Ned, “**** YOU. You seriously need to stop talking about my daughter.†Cersei, “So, let’s get down to brass tax. What are you doing here? Are you going to snoop around like Jon Arryn into the legitimacy of my children because having to kill every person that Robert picks to be his hand is getting a bit exhausting. I think I saw a grey hair the other day.†Ned, “I’m here because the king told me I had to be, that’s the way a monarchy works?†Cersei, “You can’t change him, you can’t help him. He’ll do what he’s always done which is whatever he wants. You’ll do your best to pick up the pieces.†Ned, “Yep, sounds about right.†Cersei, “Oh. So you don’t have a master plan to destroy me like I think everyone does? You’re really just a soldier? I guess that makes sense, you’re brother was trained to lead and you were trained to follow.†Ned, “Well I was never turned on by him so our relationship is still more normal than you and Jaime.†Ned, “And for the record, I might just be a soldier but I was trained to kill my enemies your Grace. Ya dig?†Cersei, without missing a beat, “As was I.†Ain’t nothing more terrifying in the Seven Kingdoms than Cersei Lannister saying she is coming for you. Hampton Inn! Catelyn and Rodric stopped to get some Gardettos and other weird road trip food. A singer comes over to where they are sitting and is like “Penny for a song governor.†Rodric, “I’d rather throw myself down a well.†We need to get Rodric away from the Starks, he is hiding some serious lolz. The singer insults the northerners and their obsession with wolves for a bit while Catelyn’s like, “This is uncomfortable.†Then Tyrion comes in and you’re like “Ohhhhhhh shiiiittt is gonna get reaaal.†Concierge, “We’re booked.†Tyrion, “My men can sleep in the stables.†His men, “What dude? Just cause you like waking up surrounded by dogs doesn’t mean the rest of us are into it.†Tyrion, “And you can put me in a kid’s bedroom I don’t care.†Concierge, “No like we’re really booked. All of these lords who are pals of Catelyn’s dad are hanging out here for some reason.†Tyrion starts waving money around, as Lannisters do. (Like any good rich kid, Tyrion knows that an Amex Card with daddy’s credit will solve most of his problems.) Bronn, “I will change my position on most things when offered money, you can have my bed.†Bronn Likes: Lolling, Gold, Women, Golden women, Tyrion Lannister, Negotiating, Bravosi knife games, Being sassy Dislikes: Cock blocking, Taking a knee every time you take a ****, Fighting honorably, That ginger **** three tents down Singer, “Rich Lannister dude, let me sing you a song about how daring and heroic your father is.†Tyrion, “I would rather join Rodric at the bottom of that well.†Catelyn puts her hood up and is like, “It’s all okay, there’s no way he can possibly recognize me now.†It takes Tyrion less than a minute to recognize her. Catelyn, “Motherfu-†Tyrion, “What a coincidence! I was just in Winterfell. Theon told me you were on the rag, it’s so weird that you’re here.†Concierge, “****, no one told me we had a celebrity, I would have mopped.†Catelyn stands up, â€Okay, I wanted to avoid this, but if we are going to do this, lets ****ING do this.†(When it comes to haircuts and citizens arrests Catelyn Stark does not believe in half-measures.) http://img401.images...o1328069553.jpg Catelyn, “Yo, you in the corner with the creepy black bat that is obviously the sigil for the terrifying castle at Harranhaal.†Guy, “Yeah…that’s me? I’m sorry what’s happening?†Catelyn, “Is your lord a friend of my dad?†Guy, “Yes…. I don’t understand this game….†Catelyn, “Red Stallion dude, you pals with my dad too?†Guy, “Yep…what’s going on….†Tyrion, “So your dad has a lot of friends?We’re all super jealous? Jesus, why is everywhere I go lately just Stark weirdness all the time?†Catelyn, “And you, back in the dimly lit corner lurking like a troll, is that a Frey I see.†Everyone in the bar, “Groooaannnn.†(The Freys are the white trash of the Seven Kingdoms and deeply annoying. They’re the Vanessa Abrams, the Will Schuesters, the Elizabeth Hasselbecks of Westoros.) Catelyn, “How is your lord?†Guy, “He’s good he invited your dad to his 90th birthday party. He’s taking another wife, so it’s a combo wedding/birthday celebration thing. But you’re dad selected “maybe†on the evite so like he’s a little pissed, ya know.†Tyrion, “Ew.†Catelyn, “What? Jesus, I’m trying to do this whole big dramatic thing right now, no one wants to hear about your gross dad and his weird marriages.†http://img62.imagesh...k1327295390.jpg Catelyn muttering, “****ing Freys.†Everyone, “Seriously.†She recovers and continues, “This man came into my house as a guest and there conspired to murder my son.†(Catelyn Stark has some issues when it comes to hospitality and child endangerment.) Bronn’s like, “****, **** just got good.†(Nobody loves the antics of the reigning families in Westoros more than Bronn.) Catelyn, “In the name of King Robert and the good lords you serve I call on you to help me seize him and help me return him to Winterfell to await the King’s Justice.†Everyone, http://img651.images...11328635528.jpg Tyion, Now THAT is how you end an episode of television. The End!! Edited February 25, 2012 by King ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey 0 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 omg what did i read :lmfao: And I wanted to stay up for the trailer but I was soooooo tired :cry: Gonna watch it now~ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 For now, all we have is that LQ one on YT. I thought the trailer was pretty cool- maybe not as dramatic as the one we had a few weeks ago, but very interesting. Seriously, Daenerys sounds like such a badass on these trailers. I loved Cersei's line as well. I found a better version: ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey 0 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 The music got me very confused. It sounds very unGame of Thrones. But I still really liked it. It didn't impress me so much that I watched it repeatedly, but I have already watched it like half a dozen times. Robb and Jeyne He's yours. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 @ Fey It's a shame they didn't cast me as Jeyne's replacement. We all know Robb Stark's a flaming homos-xual (or at least bi). I love this quote: (Regarding Sansa's storyline- non spoiler) Sansa’s character and arc subverts all notions of those songs and stories that she so loved - like the stories of princesses and knights of valor we heard as children. I fail to see how Sansa’s story is one for us to enjoy as an act of escapism as we are too involved - too close- as she tries to make sense of a shattered childhood. To say this coming of age story isfar, far away from adult women today -no. We were all children once -some more wise to the world than others, some with their heads in the clouds. We all come to a point where we learn that bad things happen and we are unable to control what the world will throw at us no matter how good we are, no matter how much we try to hang on to what we believed as kids. Sansa story is far from over. It’s barely begun. Gendry, Arya, and Hot Pie ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey 0 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Aw, that Sansa quote is great. If only other people understood that about her story line, too. Such an unappreciated character. :emo: I remember, while reading CoK, thinking Arya/Gendry were pretty cute together; but in the show, their age difference really shows and I'm pretty sure I won't feel that way at all while watching the second season. :haha: He really just seems like an older brother there. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Aw, that Sansa quote is great. If only other people understood that about her story line, too. Such an unappreciated character. :emo: I remember, while reading CoK, thinking Arya/Gendry were pretty cute together; but in the show, their age difference really shows and I'm pretty sure I won't feel that way at all while watching the second season. :haha: He really just seems like an older brother there. Didn't Gendry try to kiss Arya once- or something while they stayed at an inn?. I remember that one time he got really close to her - I don't remember what exactly happened between the two. Well who knows, Game of Thrones has some messed up relationships so perhaps it's time to reveal Gendry as a pedo. Also it looks like they are also advancing Jon Snow's storyline. By the way, in the 2nd trailer he mentions to Mormont that he saw something.... do you think he saw: Mance rayder sacrificng one of his sons to the Wildings? Some fans were speculating that maybe that's what he saw so who knows. His face is also scarred- does he get mauled by the eagle in the 2nd book? I thought that happened in SoS.? Who are/were the biggest "fools" in the 7 Kingdoms IYO? My top 3: Robb Stark- (readers all know what he does) Ned Stark- he should have kept his plans a secret- that or went around and sided with Renly Bratheon during that critical hour of Robert's death. Viserys-this one's obvious lol. Edited February 29, 2012 by King ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Married the Night 3,923 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) I finished the 1st book a while ago. I loved it. I will start book 2 when I finish watching season 1. :)PS: I appreciate the spoiler tags... Edited February 26, 2012 by Married the Night Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 I finished the 1st book a while ago. I loved it. I will start book 2 when I finish watching season 1. :) PS: I appreciate the spoiler tags... Awesome! The books get so much better. Also more and more characters get introduced so make sure you keep up with who is who- otherwise you'll end up getting lost like me over here. :P I'm trying to keep it as spoiler-free as possible :sweat: ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey 0 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Didn't Gendry try to kiss Arya once- or something while they stayed at an inn?. I remember that one time he got really close to her - I don't remember what exactly happened between the two. Well who knows, Game of Thrones has some messed up relationships so perhaps it's time to reveal Gendry as a pedo. Also it looks like they are also advancing Jon Snow's storyline. By the way, in the 2nd trailer he mentions to Mormont that he saw something.... do you think he saw: Mance rayder sacrificng one of his sons to the Wildings? Some fans were speculating that maybe that's what he saw so who knows. His face is also scarred- does he get mauled by the eagle in the 2nd book? I thought that happened in SoS.? Who are/were the biggest "fools" in the 7 Kingdoms IYO? My top 3: Robb Stark- (readers all know what he does) Ned Stark- he should have kept his plans a secret- that or went around and sided with Renly Bratheon during that critical hour of Robert's death. Viserys-this one's obvious lol. I'm going to start whiting out spoilers, too, so that I don't need to make the annoying spoiler tags. :P Oh, does Gendry do that? No wonder I saw the two as a couple, then. That's going to be a little weird to see in the show I have absolutely no idea what Jon could have seen. The first thing I thought was an other. But what you said is very possible, too. I didn't really give that part too much thought, but now I'm really curious. Biggest fools, hmmm. I think you definitely named 3 huge ones. I think some other notable fools are: Cersei - I don't know how far you are in FfC, but the book really shows you how big of an idiot she is. She's definitely clever enough to gain power, but she cannot keep it at all. Daenerys - I won't say much here. :ninja: Lysa - Just ... how desperate she was for LF. She's part of the reason why the war started in the first place, and she did it just because she wants LF. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Married the Night 3,923 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Awesome! The books get so much better. Also more and more characters get introduced so make sure you keep up with who is who- otherwise you'll end up getting lost like me over here. :P I'm trying to keep it as spoiler-free as possible You are doing a great job!!! I will start the next one in a month or so. :) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion Heart 15,041 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) You are doing a great job!!! I will start the next one in a month or so. :) Alrighty I'm going to start whiting out spoilers, too, so that I don't need to make the annoying spoiler tags. :P Oh, does Gendry do that? No wonder I saw the two as a couple, then. That's going to be a little weird to see in the show I have absolutely no idea what Jon could have seen. The first thing I thought was an other. But what you said is very possible, too. I didn't really give that part too much thought, but now I'm really curious. Biggest fools, hmmm. I think you definitely named 3 huge ones. I think some other notable fools are: Cersei - I don't know how far you are in FfC, but the book really shows you how big of an idiot she is. She's definitely clever enough to gain power, but she cannot keep it at all. Daenerys - I won't say much here. :ninja: Lysa - Just ... how desperate she was for LF. She's part of the reason why the war started in the first place, and she did it just because she wants LF. Ugh. Cersei: just has so many enemies and almost no supporters...also it looks like her relationship with Jaime is coming to an end based on how she treats him. Lysa: Oh her too. Now I understand why she was all paranoid . BTW I can't wait to hear her scream to LF about how much she wants to get married "right now!" And the Moon-Door incident with Sansa/Petyr *EMILIA CLARKE (DAENERYS) ON COPING WITH NUDE SCENES THE stunning star of swords and sorcery smash Game of Thrones has revealed her secrets for coping with hitting the screen in the buff. Emilia Clarke, 24, was just out of drama school when she landed the role of a lifetime as the silverhaired princess Daenerys Targaryen in the awardwinning series. But she quickly realised that her wardrobe assistant might have an easy shift because her role demanded frequent nudity. The actress, from Berkshire, admits that, while she was apprehensive about stripping off, she also realised it was a necessary part of the role. Emilia, who was previously seen in TV soap Doctors and scifi adventure Triassic Attack, said: "It was daunting, really scary. This was the first major job I had to do but the nudity was integral to the character. "Her journey sees her going from a girl into a woman, which is also a s-xual awakening. "As soon as you put yourself there, it's not about you, the actress, it's about the character, so that took the fear away. Hopefully, that's what you see on the screen and not just a naked actress." Despite her relative inexperience, Emilia's portrayal of the teenage royal who becomes a warrior queen has won her global acclaim. She has been listed as one of the most desirable women of 2012 and, along with the rest of the Game of Thrones cast including Sean Bean, Lena Headey and Mark Addy, was nominated in last month's prestigious Screen Actors' Guild Awards in Hollywood. After the new series of the hit fantasy saga, Emilia has two bigscreen dramas on the way, Overdrive and rock movie Spike Island. Not bad for an actress who was a virtual unknown when Game o f Thrones set to be released on DVD as a taster for the launch in April of the keenly anticipated second TV season first hit the screen. Emilia admits she had to plunge in at the deep end when she filmed the series about plotting, treacherous medievalstyle dynasties. She is one of the central figures in the epic fantasy a young princess forced to wed fearsome Dothraki warlord Kahl Drogo, who is played by Conan star Jason Momoa. It was quite a task for Emilia to get to grips with the complex plots of Game of Thrones, which is based on A Song of Ice and Fire, a series of novels by George RR Martin. She said: "I found it intimidating to start off with. It was very complex and an epic story with so many characters and different plots that just keep on growing and growing." Emilia had the added weight of learning the Dothraki language, which was created for the series. She said: "It won an award for being the best new madeup language. It's amazing. I would rehearse the scene in English then do it in Dothraki." Although she grew up around horses, Emilia found it can still be tricky to film riding scenes. She said: "I fell off my horse when it got spooked. I just cried." Since the Dothraki are people who worship horses, Emilia had to endure a sequence when her character goes through an ancient ritual of devouring a horse's heart. She says even though it was a sort of congealed jam substance that she ate, it was still a revolting experience that put her off her lunch. In the new season of Game of Thrones, Emilia has to cope with sharing the screen with a trio of fantastical creatures the dragons that hatched at the conclusion of the first series. She has to imagine the dragons are on screen with her as hitech computerised wizardry is used to create them afterwards. The series has been a hit all over the world and Emilia believes part of the reason for its success is the fantasy helps people to forget about hardships they have experienced in the economic recession. She said: "You are able to lose yourself in something that is so magical and fantastical, it helps you to remove yourself from whatever difficult situation you are in." Mark Addy, who plays King Robert and faces a sticky end in the first series, also reckons a strength of Game of Thrones is that, while they might be complicated, the plots are gripping. He said: "It is set in a fantasy world but it is grounded in a form of reality that makes it believable." Game of Thrones Season One is released on DVD on March 5. Season Two is on Sky Atlantic from April 2. Sean Bean, who starred in Oscarwinning Lord impressed of the Rings, is very Thrones. The actor, who plays with Game of the heroic and illfated Ned Stark in the series, said: "It's like making a feature film. There is so much detail in it. I don't know if we realised how epic it was. People used to frown on the idea of TV but now actors want to be part of these fantastic stories." Very interesting- there's so much pressure placed on her yet she did an excellent job portraying Daenerys. *HQ SEASON 2 TRAILER: *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X66PDW1Mjf8&feature=player_embedded * Edited February 27, 2012 by King ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trending Now
New Threads
Trending Now
New Threads
Featured Posts